u/Rogdish

Sorry if phrasing is weird, I wrote this in my native language and used a translator cause I didn't really have time to write directly in English.

A few days ago, during the heat wave, I was about to go see my roommate to ask him something, around 11:00 or so. His door was open, the curtains were open, and he was sleeping naked on his bed in full view, facing the door.

I’m not all that traumatized by it, but I did mention to him yesterday while having a few drinks that I wasn’t a fan, and I asked him to either close his door or put on some underwear…

He was very surprised by my request. I was a bit blunt, explaining that, as far as I was concerned, I didn’t really need to ask him — I was within my legitimate right to demand that he changes his behavior. Personally, I never asked to see his naked body, so the fact that I stumbled upon him like that was a violation of my consent.

He replied that I was shifting the blame, that he was the victim since I was the one seeing him naked while he slept, not bothering anyone. I responded that it was his responsibility to ensure his nudity wasn’t visible from the common area (the hallway; as a reminder, his bedroom door was open and he was visible from the corridor). He also told me that he was at the end of the corridor and that I had no business going there, to which I replied that common area is still common area and I should be able to go anywhere?

I also said that I wasn’t comfortable with the fact that some roommates on our floor (there are four of us spread out along a hallway about 10 meters long, with the bathroom in the middle) go to the bathroom naked and/or stay in the bathroom with the door open while using the facilities (they close it if they hear someone coming) .

It doesn't bother me as much because they're usually careful, and I haven't run into anyone naked in the hallway yet, but I know two of us do it and that it could happen.

He told me they’ve been doing it this way for a long time (I moved onto this floor a year and a half ago; he’s been here for three years), and that I don’t have the right to come into a place where certain customs exist and demand that those customs change simply because it makes me uncomfortable. I deeply disagree with that argument, I believe that in such matters the group should always level with the person who wants least. He gave me the following example to support his point: “If someone suddenly came along and said they weren't comfortable hearing the letter ‘O,’ should we all stop saying it?”

He also told me that I was being puritanical and that nudity isn’t the same as sexuality, so invoking the concept of sexual consent wasn’t appropriate.

I told him I was very shocked to have to explain myself and that, as far as I was concerned, once I’d made that request, there shouldn’t have been any discussion at all. When I first told him about the incident, he kind of brushed it off as a joke, and I thought the fact that he was making light of it was really problematic - even though in practice it’s not the end of the world for me; as I said, I’m not traumatized by it, but still, in principle, it’s not something to joke about.

In the end, he agreed to close his door at night, but he made it clear that he was doing so out of kindness, not because he had to.

So everything is back to normal. But what keeps running through my mind is that I’m convinced that, deep down, I’m the one who’s right, and I’m within my rights to demand a change—not just to ask for one. He thinks I’m wrong on the merits but is agreeing out of kindness to go along with what I’m asking. That’s the issue on which I’d like to get an outside opinion : who's right in this ?

To clarify, we’re all men on this floor, we’re friends, and I have no suspicion of any truly creepy or unhealthy behavior. It’s just that I’m not comfortable with nudity in general.

Bordel.