u/RoryGilmore15

Pata hai aaj kya hua I need genuine outside perspective on a situation because I feel conflicted and I don’t know if I’m thinking emotionally or logically anymore.

So there’s this guy.Technically, we were never in a relationship. Even “situationship” feels too strong sometimes because we didn’t talk every day or behave like an actual couple. But it also definitely wasn’t just a normal friendship. There was emotional closeness, mutual liking, emotional attachment, and this underlying thing between us for a long time.

I had liked him since I was much younger , we were in same school so I think I emotionally continued the connection longer and deeper than I probably would have otherwise.

For a long time, ours was mostly kind of long-distance because we were in different places living our own lives. We would talk on and off, reconnect emotionally, drift, reconnect again. There was always this emotional tension underneath, even though it wasn’t a full committed relationship.

Eventually, he told me that I was getting emotionally attached and that continuing things would only worsen everything later,so he ended it before it became something bigger. He did offer friendship, but at that time I declined because it felt too difficult emotionally and said would never meet again.

After that, life moved on, but recently we both ended up back in our hometown again. Slowly we started talking a little again. Then eventually we met once in person too. He apologised to me for past events. Asked if we were cool ab.

Now the issue is this:

I don’t necessarily want some intense relationship with him right now ( also I know the fact he won’t give me that)I don’t even want to meet him constantly or talk daily. What I want is more like occasional normal hangouts — the kind you do with friends when you’re in the same city. Especially because honestly, I don’t have many friends in my hometown right now.

But at the same time, I’m preparing for a major exam that’s in around 3.5 months, and I know involving him emotionally again could become distracting very fast. Because the hot-and-cold dynamic has always existed from his side. He comes close, then becomes distant, then reconnects again. So even asking him to hang out feels emotionally risky to me because I’m scared of getting pulled back into that emotional loop again.

And logically, I know this may not be the best time to complicate my emotional life.

But emotionally, another thought keeps bothering me:
“What if later I regret not spending time with him while we were actually in the same place?”

Because realistically, we may not stay in the same hometown forever again after this phase of life.

So now I’m stuck between:
- protecting my peace/focus/exam preparation,
OR
- allowing a limited connection and making memories while we actually can because honestly speaking I would if I didn’t have this exam which needs my focus right now.

My question is:
Would it be emotionally unwise to ask him to hang out casually once in a while, given the history and the hot-and-cold dynamic? Or is avoiding it completely just fear and overthinking?