My mom surprisingly accepted that I'm not religious anymore.
Hello, so I've left islam since high school because I started to question the flaws and the inhumane rules that were set upon as I researched further into the religion. I also felt that I didn't want to do the practices of the religion anymore and wanted to live my life not being tied down by it. The only people that knew before that I left islam by heart is my closests friends whom have advised and asked if I am really sure that I don't want to be a part of it and I firmly told them yes. They didn't push me away thankfully, they just wished me the best and as long as I don't persuade them to leave with me then they're ok with it.
A while back, I had a conversation with my mother talking about Malaysian politics (yes, we talk about how flawed our politicians are) and I brought up the topic of how the government uses race and religion to divide and conquer. I started to go on about how flawed Islam is and then she asked if I was straying away from it cause she did notice everytime she brought up islamic teachings or values I just tend to avoid them.
I was pressured a bit to confess but ended up telling I did not believe in the religion anymore as there were a lot of flaws in it especially regarding to it fitting with modern times. To say her reaction was saddening at first is an understatement, she did cry a bit cause she was sad I didn't believe in it anymore. I just told her that I just didn't wanna do the practices. It's not like the moment I leave I'll start going clubbing, eating pork or drink alcohol or have wild crazy night stand sex cause I'm not a fan of those activities. It's probably the only good value about the religion from my eyes.
She eventually calmed down a bit and had another sit with me, she says that if it's my choice to leave then she can't force me cause even she read that Religion is not something to force people into doing. She is just a bit disappointed but she did see even though I didn't care about the religion, it didn't make me a bad person automatically. I still have moral values and empathy.
She just said that she accepted my choices and prayed if my heart were to change in the future to accept islam back into my life. I breathed a sigh of relief cause I honestly thought I was gonna be kicked out and left on the street as I am still pursuing my studies and rely on her for financial aid. She just warns me to not tell my other family members especially my grandparents cause they are heavily religious and if they find out they'll probably send me to a rehabilitation camp or call religious authorities on me.
I think the main reason why she was lenient on accepting it cause she's more open minded and doesn't even like how her faith is being used for governmental gain. She's also a single mom so I didn't have to worry about dealing with an existing religious father thankfully. She also did say she noticed I strayed away from talking about islam and she had her doubts but tried to think positive.
At the current moment, she no longer brings up any religious based topics or anything unless if we are like talking about how bad our government is using race and religion stuff. She still treats me as usual as her son and I still talk to her often and I never bother her when she wants to pray before we go out for any occasions, I'd be okay with waiting for her to finish her prayers. It did get awkward at times cause she still asks if I have prayed and forgot that I don't do the practices anymore.
The only issue now is keeping it a low profile from the rest of my family members who are religious. She's worried about the outcome of it but she says just keep pretending as usual. I'm honestly pretty thankful that she's more open minded despite being a millenial and we still have a good relationship between each other, just gotta keep the whole thing secretive from the rest of the family members.
Also I did ask if she also had thoughts of leaving islam, but she said that she's sticking to her faith as she believes it's a moral and spiritual guideline for her.