r/MalaysianExMuslim

Hello, so I've left islam since high school because I started to question the flaws and the inhumane rules that were set upon as I researched further into the religion. I also felt that I didn't want to do the practices of the religion anymore and wanted to live my life not being tied down by it. The only people that knew before that I left islam by heart is my closests friends whom have advised and asked if I am really sure that I don't want to be a part of it and I firmly told them yes. They didn't push me away thankfully, they just wished me the best and as long as I don't persuade them to leave with me then they're ok with it.

A while back, I had a conversation with my mother talking about Malaysian politics (yes, we talk about how flawed our politicians are) and I brought up the topic of how the government uses race and religion to divide and conquer. I started to go on about how flawed Islam is and then she asked if I was straying away from it cause she did notice everytime she brought up islamic teachings or values I just tend to avoid them.

I was pressured a bit to confess but ended up telling I did not believe in the religion anymore as there were a lot of flaws in it especially regarding to it fitting with modern times. To say her reaction was saddening at first is an understatement, she did cry a bit cause she was sad I didn't believe in it anymore. I just told her that I just didn't wanna do the practices. It's not like the moment I leave I'll start going clubbing, eating pork or drink alcohol or have wild crazy night stand sex cause I'm not a fan of those activities. It's probably the only good value about the religion from my eyes.

She eventually calmed down a bit and had another sit with me, she says that if it's my choice to leave then she can't force me cause even she read that Religion is not something to force people into doing. She is just a bit disappointed but she did see even though I didn't care about the religion, it didn't make me a bad person automatically. I still have moral values and empathy.

She just said that she accepted my choices and prayed if my heart were to change in the future to accept islam back into my life. I breathed a sigh of relief cause I honestly thought I was gonna be kicked out and left on the street as I am still pursuing my studies and rely on her for financial aid. She just warns me to not tell my other family members especially my grandparents cause they are heavily religious and if they find out they'll probably send me to a rehabilitation camp or call religious authorities on me.

I think the main reason why she was lenient on accepting it cause she's more open minded and doesn't even like how her faith is being used for governmental gain. She's also a single mom so I didn't have to worry about dealing with an existing religious father thankfully. She also did say she noticed I strayed away from talking about islam and she had her doubts but tried to think positive.

At the current moment, she no longer brings up any religious based topics or anything unless if we are like talking about how bad our government is using race and religion stuff. She still treats me as usual as her son and I still talk to her often and I never bother her when she wants to pray before we go out for any occasions, I'd be okay with waiting for her to finish her prayers. It did get awkward at times cause she still asks if I have prayed and forgot that I don't do the practices anymore.

The only issue now is keeping it a low profile from the rest of my family members who are religious. She's worried about the outcome of it but she says just keep pretending as usual. I'm honestly pretty thankful that she's more open minded despite being a millenial and we still have a good relationship between each other, just gotta keep the whole thing secretive from the rest of the family members.

Also I did ask if she also had thoughts of leaving islam, but she said that she's sticking to her faith as she believes it's a moral and spiritual guideline for her.

This one is so embarrassing la aiyo

First of all let me get the first thing straight: my country is in SHAMBLES now and I'm not here at all to say that my country is better than Malaysia. In fact in my opinion, it's THE OPPOSITE. If we're talking like overall, Malaysia is far better than Indonesia in terms of living situation, education, safety, transportation, you name it.

BUT, as the title mentioned, if I could vent here about one thing that I don't understand, if you're a Muslim, you're constantly under scrutiny of having to be a perfect Muslim. To a point where everyone acts like they're angels and prophets. Hey, don't get me wrong, many Indonesians (whatever their religion is), don't necessarily practice their faith perfectly, lots of Muslims still don't do prayers, or Christians don't go to church, etc. But we have this one thing, like an unspoken agreement, which is that 1) A religion is between a person and his/her God. 2) Faith is something that a person will have their own journey and process. We are all humans here.

A counter argument for this is usually the classic "But nothing is wrong with reminding someone." I can't disagree with that, but IDK, I feel like lotta people have been hiding behind that "I'm just reminding" excuse, that allows them to judge or to deem someone as a bad Muslim instantly if they don't do, say, or present themselves the way those people want. There are couple examples of this:

1. I just saw an influencer posting photos of herself, wearing A PROPER HIJAB OUTFIT, nothing revealing, very cool and casual. But she got people judging her that she should be in the "RIGHT" path as Muslim. I was like what??? I kept looking back at the picture and saw ZERO strain of hair, I didn't see anything revealed. She looks amazing. So what was expected from her here? I don't get it.

2. You can't eat in Ramadan month in a daylight, to a point where you can get arrested and fined??? For this one I kinda am lost for words here.

In conclusion, nationalities aside, I guess I am grateful that the way I grew up, I believe that everyone goes through their own journey. You can't judge a person and force someone to get to your level of faith. I grew up believing that my relationship with my religion, is between me and my God. And my relationship with other people, is to be kind no matter who you are, what faith do you have, or whether you currently have strong faith in your religion or not. I grew up knowing, that my journey as a Muslim, should be a journey that is healing and soothing, it can be slow sometimes but never felt forced, and that if I make a mistake, I can always come back to Him and pray.

I know lots of people who might still be struggling with their faith, yet they are the kindest, most accepting and understanding people. On contrary, I know people too, who pray all the time, claim themselves to be the MOST FAITHFUL people, but they can't accept differences in human beings, will hurt people with their words and arrogance, and judge others as if they are sinless themselves.

This is just my view. Feel free to disagree or to let me know if I might misunderstand something. Lastly, I wanna say that this is not a generalization. Meaning not all Malaysians are like that. And same goes to Indonesians.

Islamophobia

- Hating or fearing Muslims simply because they are Muslim

- Refusing to understand Islam and only wanting to attack or mock it

- Judging all Muslims based on the actions of a few people

Critique

- Understanding certain Islamic teachings or practices but disagreeing with them logically, morally, or personally

- Questioning religious rules, beliefs, history, or cultural practices

- Pointing out ideas or actions that may be harmful mentally, physically, or emotionally

Religious Trauma

- Experiencing emotional, mental, physical, or cultural harm connected to religion

- Fear of hell, punishment, or eternal suffering because of religious teachings

- Being harmed by religious people or environments and struggling with fear, guilt, or confusion afterward

- Feeling unsafe or distressed in toxic or controlling religious surroundings

- Avoiding religious discussions, spaces, or reminders because they trigger anxiety or fear

It would be understandable to use your experience/trauma as critique as long it logical argument or feeling it permissible in Islam

If you hate on Islam for no reason you're islamphobic. Criticizing Islam, questioning teachings, or disagreeing with religious rules is not automatically Islamophobic.

Hi all. So what religion you are leaning towards right now after leaving Islam? Whatever it is, I'm happy for you guys. For atheist, how you guys cope with feeling of hope? Sbb rasa berharap ni kan sometimes kita berharap kat Tuhan. So did you still hope to Allah? Like the habit still need to be adjust. And for me, I don't want to be in any religion for now and feel like need to unlearn this habit.

And lastly, sorry in advanced for not engaging. I'm more to reading your opinion and I have this reddit on my laptop only.

Leaving Islam is always a good thing, but you may be leaving Islam for the wrong reasons. The ONLY valid reason to leave Islam is that you no longer believe Islam is real. If you 'left' Islam just because you think the teachings are too harsh or strict, or you want more 'freedom', or you just want to feel rebellious, or the result of some trauma, these are not good, intellectually valid reason reasons to leave Islam. In fact I would argue if these were your reasons, you never actually left, and will most probably return many years later even more religious than ever.