Hey, it's actually getting better?!?!
My relationship is eleven months old now and Rocd started in the first three months (yeah, horrible). The relationship started getting serious, and overnight I began to notice that I no longer felt many romantic feelings towards my partner (Please note that my defense mechanism is numbness and I have a fearful avoidant attachment style, so maybe the fear of something serious and of getting hurt activated my defense mechanism). I panicked a lot, I could barely eat, I felt like I was about to have a heart attack at any moment. "What if I didn't love him anymore" I couldn't stand it.
Days passed and I discovered what Rocd was, it gave me a lot of relief and I was fine for a few days. But we know how Rocd is, and it started again with the questions. "But what if you REALLY don't love him?" "Is my relationship healthy" "Should I breakup with him" etc etc. The more answers I gave to my intrusive thoughts, the more Rocd managed to turn things around and give me more questions that made me feel immense anxiety.
I learned how to do ERP, how to breathe, I started taking Sertraline and Risperidone, along with Lorazepam, lots of ups and downs, spirals, sometimes had hope, sometimes wanted to die. But I always kept going, for myself, and for him.
Now I can proudly say that I'm much better and my anxiety has decreased significantly. I still struggle with numbness, but I'm learning to tolerate it and always keep in mind that loving someone is a choice you do every day. And it's okay if sometimes you don't know if you want to stay, but don't make decisions when anxiety is there, you will regret it.
If you have any questions I'm happy to answer:)