u/RunLow6980

▲ 2 r/Poems

This is my first attempt at poetry, any feedback?

Lilies

Of course I’ll buy you flowers
Wrapped in plastic
With the string tied

Not because I’m meant to
Says the gurus
In the ink typed

Not to make you stay
Though I hope I’ll always hold you
And your grip stays forever tight

Don’t see it as repayment
For coming to my darkness
To show me there’s a thin light

Or leading me to the shore
When I couldn’t see
The near tide

But because I hope you’ll smile
Not for me but deep inside
Where, in that moment, you’re free

My love can’t be weighed in petals
When leaves decay with time
So lilies hold no power

But if they guaranteed a smile
Every day
I’d shop for flowers

reddit.com
u/RunLow6980 — 1 day ago

This is my first attempt at poetry

Lilies

Of course I’ll buy you flowers
Wrapped in plastic
With the string tied

Not because I’m meant to
Says the gurus
In the ink typed

Not to make you stay
Though I hope I’ll always hold you
And your grip stays forever tight

Don’t see it as repayment
For coming to my darkness
To show me there’s a thin light

Or leading me to the shore
When I couldn’t see
The near tide

But because I hope you’ll smile
Not for me but deep inside
Where, in that moment, you’re free

My love can’t be weighed in petals
When leaves decay with time
So lilies hold no power

But if they guaranteed a smile
Every day
I’d shop for flowers

reddit.com
u/RunLow6980 — 1 day ago

This is my first poem can i get feedback?

Lilies

Of course I’ll buy you flowers
Wrapped in plastic
With the string tied

Not because I’m meant to
Says the gurus
In the ink typed

Not to make you stay
Though I hope I’ll always hold you
And your grip stays forever tight

Don’t see it as repayment
For coming to my darkness
To show me there’s a thin light

Or leading me to the shore
When I couldn’t see
The near tide

But because I hope you’ll smile
Not for me but deep inside
Where, in that moment, you’re free

My love can’t be weighed in petals
When leaves decay with time
So lilies hold no power

But if they guaranteed a smile
Every day
I’d shop for flowers

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/t0ddnoHwkO

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/pnu8g1MLpY

reddit.com
u/RunLow6980 — 1 day ago
▲ 3 r/writingfeedback+3 crossposts

This is my first poem can i get feedback?

Lilies

Of course I’ll buy you flowers
Wrapped in plastic
With the string tied

Not because I’m meant to
Says the gurus
In the ink typed

Not to make you stay
Though I hope I’ll always hold you
And your grip stays forever tight

Don’t see it as repayment
For coming to my darkness
To show me there’s a thin light

Or leading me to the shore
When I couldn’t see
The near tide

But because I hope you’ll smile
Not for me but deep inside
Where, in that moment, you’re free

My love can’t be weighed in petals
When leaves decay with time
So lilies hold no power

But if they guaranteed a smile
Every day
I’d shop for flowers

reddit.com
u/RunLow6980 — 1 day ago