Understanding sexual desire
I have read about demisexuality. I understand that demisexuals are able to achieve sexual attraction only towards those who they have necessary (varies by person) level of connection with.
My partner (48M) definitely notices and finds various women attractive, so it’s not that he’s unable to experience attraction at all. But it’s also very clear that for him to genuinely want sex or even kissing he needs some kind of emotional/interpersonal connection first. For him that connection seems tied to safety, trust, consent, mutual desire, and feeling emotionally comfortable with the person.
He’s had many sexual partners before me, but from what he describes, they were always women he already knew for some time beforehand such as friends, acquaintances, or people he had built rapport with first. Casual “stranger hookup” energy never really worked for him as even one night stands still were with someone he knew ahead of time and there is a bit of a connection first.
What I’m trying to understand is: does that fit within demisexuality, or is that simply a common preference/style of attraction?
The part that makes me wonder is that he can absolutely recognize someone as sexy or beautiful, but they don’t really enter into sexual fantasy or become someone he’d actually want intimacy with unless there’s already some established connection.
I guess part of my confusion is definition of sexual attraction. Is it specifically a desire to be sexual or intimate with someone?