Aight final repost of the same image I promise lol
I just like how it turned out...that body is something
Did a little different thing here, let's see if the bikinis will activate the neurons of you guys brains
Anyway it was fun editing this Ngl
The message was clear if you didn't catch it: Valletta is just as crackable as the rest of DanMachi girls 🙏🏻🥀
Ais watching behind the pillar
Did a remaster over it and add bete for fun
I realized I made Valletta quite busty
But who is actually complaining about his lobster being too buttery?
Hope you like this
Got tingly while making this masterpiece Idk why people call me crazy for finding Valletta attractive
She's crackable as hell bro just take a good look but he careful to not get decapitated
This was fun to make. Juggernaut is hard to draw ngl
Hey previous one was meh so I did a little remaster by redrawing their expressions a little
Remember that shitty count dracula meme?
Maybe now it's better
We scraping the barrel with the oldest meme in the book
It was fun making this ngl
Love Leifya don't get the wrong idea but the similarities between her and Yuta were tempting to make an agenda post about
Leifya is so OP that when she's entering a shady site with 10 different Download buttons she instantly knows which one is the real download button ✅
Note: This post was made in effort to revive the subreddit into making some original memes and not reposting the same shit again and again
This one was mostly tracing with a few changes ngl
Painting the shitty orario at the back was harder than the actual characters for some reason bruh
Tbh I only made this because the subreddit is awful and filled with repost and bots for some reason
Anyway, hopefully this is a gem alert 💎
First Round: Before the age of gods and falna, does the world stand a chance against the deadliest event in AOT universe?
Second Round: During the age of gods, which means adventurers are in the field, it gives a significant advantage but the Rumbling is a world wide event with millions of titans so...will they actually be able to protect everyone from it?
And combining those: is the Rumbling actually a more deadlier and a true extinction event that bypass the black dragon in scale? (Scale not power, OEBD likely can sneeze the titans out of existence)
It's not just shitty fic about Toji dominating the whole verse which is surprising
It's following deep into the SO plotline and Toji's existence is making the plot... Different but familiar as well
Best part is Toji's character is very accurately depicted: a deadbeat gigolo who doesn't give a fuck about anything besides his gambling money (tho it seems there is some character development slowly forming)
Also Bell is a wreck, not so fluffy for him in this timeline despite not being the main focus, same for Ais
Basically: Peak so far (description is deceitful, it's not that simple)
Recommended.
Hello, made this in a wave of boredom and decided to share it. Hope you guys like it (I'm not an artist)
Tried to put in some details too, like the mini Orario at the back, i think it turned out alright lol
Idk if I'm tripping or if this is actually known but: on this vehicle you can press gas, brakes and wiggle your controller for near instant acceleration to full speed
Normally this shitty car takes ten years to reach full speed (Doesn't work well with other vehicles sadly)
I say, I say, boy! Look at me, boy, look at me when I’m talkin’ to ya!
What in the name of the great state of Orario did I just tell ya not five minutes ago?! I said—pay attention now, boy, I’m pitchin’ but you ain’t catchin’—I said, "Bell, you are a Level One! You do not go pickin’ a fight with a giant, beef-headed, axe-swingin’ piece of livestock!"
You got more guts than brains, son, and right now, your guts are about two seconds away from bein’ redecorated all over the fifth floor! You’re built like a wet noodle, boy, and you’re out here tryin’ to play tug-o-war with a freight train! It’s bad math, son!
Now stand up straight! You’re slouchin’ like a working man on a Monday! I mean, look at ya! You’re flatter than a pancake under a Goliath’s heel! You’re leakin’ more red than a busted tavern barrel! You run headfirst into a Minotaur with nothin’ but a glorified butter knife and a prayer, expectin’ what? You think he’s gonna ask you for a dance? He’s a monster, boy, not a dance partner!
And what’s all this nonsense about tryin’ to impress some blonde girl with a sword?! I say, I say, you gotta walk before you can run, boy, and you’re out here tryin’ to fly without feathers! You don't go chasin' skirts when you can't even dodge a barn door!
I keep tryin’ to knock some sense into that white-haired skull of yours, but I keep gettin’ a busy signal! The lights are on, but ain’t nobody home! Next time you see a Minotaur, you don't charge! You tuck tail and you run, boy! R-U-N, RUN! Now go wash your face, you smell like roasted gut fish and poor decisions!
Was writing this Konosuba X DanMachi collection of scenes for fun and thought why not share it here.
---
Loki leaned forward on her plush leather sofa, her crimson eyes narrowed. She rested her chin on her palm, staring unblinkingly at the two vagrants sitting across from her.
"So," Loki drawled, her voice filled with skepticism. "Let me get this straight. You're tellin' me that you two are wandering mercenaries. And you want to join my Familia. Directly into the executive branch."
"Yes, exactly," Kazuma nodded firmly, sitting with perfect, respectful posture.
"And to prove your worth..." Loki pointed a finger at him. "You just cast Create Water, Tinder, Bind, and Freeze in the span of thirty seconds. Without a single chant."
"Just basic utility magic, ma'am," Kazuma said humbly.
"Kazuma, why are we begging this flat-chested mortal for a job?!" Aqua whined loudly, kicking her legs from her spot on the sofa. "I am a Goddess! I shouldn't have to sit here in this dusty office! Tell them to give us a room with a feather bed and premium booze, or we're walking!"
A prominent tick mark appeared on Loki's forehead. "Mortal? Flat-chested?! Who the hell are you calling—"
"Ahem." Finn Deimne cleared his throat, stepping out from the shadows near the bookshelf. The Pallum captain offered a polite smile, though his blue eyes were sharp and analytical. "Please excuse our confusion. It's just that a mortal can only possess a maximum of three magic spells in their Falna. It is an absolute rule established by the gods. Yet, you just cast four entirely different spells, and claim to know more. Furthermore, you haven't even received a Falna yet."
"Oh, that's easy," Aqua scoffed, waving her hand dismissively. "We're not from here. I am the beautiful and benevolent Goddess of Water, Aqua, head of the great and prosperous Axis Order! I dragged this shut-in NEET out of a tragic, pathetic demise to defeat a Demon King, but we got sucked through a dimensional rift caused by a giant, angry god of toads! Obviously!"
The room fell dead silent.
Loki squinted even harder, her divine senses straining to their absolute limits. As a deity, Loki possessed an innate ability to detect the lies of mortals. It was an instinctual radar that made gods impossible to deceive.
But as she stared at the blue-haired girl, Loki’s radar simply...slid off. It was like trying to read a brick wall. Because Aqua possessed a divine aura of her own, the lie-detection completely failed to register, not that she was actually lying.
"Finn," Loki whispered out of the side of her mouth. "I can't read her. Either she's wearing a magic item that blocks divine insight, or she is so genuinely stupid that she actually believes her own delusions."
"I am leaning toward the latter," Finn whispered back, never breaking his polite smile. He turned to Aqua. "Well, 'Goddess' Aqua. If you are truly as powerful as you claim, perhaps you could demonstrate your value to the Loki Familia? What kind of magic do you specialize in?"
"Behold!" Aqua stood up proudly on the sofa. She pulled two paper fans out of nowhere. Small jets of pristine water began to fountain gracefully from the tips of the fans. "Nature's Beauty!"
Finn blinked. Loki facepalmed.
"She's a clown," Loki groaned. "Kick 'em out, Finn."
"Wait! Wait, no, she's an Arch-Priest!" Kazuma panicked, violently pulling Aqua down by the back of her robes. "Aqua, show them the real stuff! The healing! Do the healing before we get thrown out on the street!"
"Fine, fine, pushy!" Aqua huffed. She closed her eyes.
Suddenly, the mana in the office didn't just shift: it shattered.
A blinding, overwhelming pillar of pure, divine blue light erupted from Aqua's body, illuminating the entire room. The sheer density of the holy magic was so suffocatingly pure that the potted plants in Loki's office instantly bloomed, withered, and bloomed again in a state of hyper-accelerated life.
Suddenly, the office door slammed open. Riveria Ljos Alf, the highest-ranking mage in Orario, burst into the room, her eyes wide with absolute alarm.
"Finn! I felt a massive surge of—" Riveria froze, staring at the blue-haired girl radiating enough magical energy to rival a city-spanning ritual.
"Sacred Highness Heal!" Aqua chanted carelessly.
The light washed over them. Finn’s lingering fatigue from his morning training vanished entirely. A small papercut on Loki's finger sealed itself.
The light faded. Aqua dusted off her hands, looking incredibly smug. "There. Try finding a better healer than that. Now, where is the kitchen?"
Riveria stood paralyzed in the doorway. As a High Elf who had dedicated herself to the strict, disciplined mastery of the arcane arts, her brain was violently rejecting what she had just witnessed.
"No chant," Riveria muttered, her eye twitching. "No magic circle. You just channeled high-tier restorative magic as casually as breathing. How is your mind not consumed by Mind Zero? Your mana efficiency is...it's..."
Riveria suddenly marched forward, grabbing Aqua by the shoulders. The hyper-strict elven teacher instinct took complete, overriding control.
"You absolute fool!" Riveria scolded, shaking the blue-haired girl. "Do you have any idea how much raw mind you just wasted into the atmosphere?! Your control is practically non-existent! With a proper chant, that spell could have cured a plague, and you used it to heal a papercut! We are going to the courtyard right now to practice fundamental mind retention!"
"E-Eek! Let go of me, you pointy-eared thing!" Aqua shrieked, instantly bursting into tears and reaching out for her partner. "Kazuma, Kazuma-sama! Help me! The elf is being mean!"
"I'm looking the other way, Aqua," Kazuma said, staring firmly at the ceiling.
Despite the chaos, the demonstration was impossible to ignore. A few hours later, Kazuma found himself sitting shirtless on a stool in Loki’s private chamber, with Finn and Riveria standing by to witness the updating of their newest recruits.
"Alright, kid, let's see what we're working with," Loki muttered, pricking her finger with a needle and pressing a drop of divine blood onto Kazuma's back.
The black text of the Falna bloomed across his skin.
"Well, it's a fresh Falna, so you're Level 1. Strength I-0, Endurance I-0, Dexterity I-0..." Loki read aloud. "Basically, a stiff breeze would snap you in half."
"I am a tactical fighter!" Kazuma defended, shivering a little from the cold air of the room.
"Let's look at the Magic and Skill section," Finn said, stepping closer to inspect the sprawling text covering the boy's back.
Loki’s eyes drifted down past the basic parameters. She stopped reading. She rubbed her eyes, leaning in so close her nose almost touched Kazuma's spine. She looked again.
"What the hell is this?" Loki whispered.
"What is it?" Riveria asked, stepping up beside her goddess.
**Satou Kazuma: Level 1
Strength: I — 0 Endurance: I — 0 Dexterity: I — 0 Agility: I — 0 Magic: I — 0
[Development Abilities]**
**Luck: SSS Swordsman: H Bowman: C Blacksmith: E Cooking: F
[Magic]
[Tinder] [Create Earth] [Create Water] [Wind Breath] [Freeze] [Fireball] [Lightning] [Flash] [Unlock] [Teleport] [Explosion] [Heal]**
**[Skills]
[Adventurer]:** When the user fulfills exceptionally difficult and highly improbable conditions while studying a discipline, Luck may allow the manifestation of a related Skill or Magic regardless of specialization.
[Steal] [Drain Touch] [Bind] [Snipe] [Deadly Backstab] [Auto-Evade] [Enemy Detection] [Trap Detection] [Disarm Trap] [Set Trap] [Lurk] [Flee] [Eavesdrop] [Lip Reading] [Foresight] [Eyes of Providence]
---
"Development abilities?!" Loki choked, breaking the silence as she violently pointed at Kazuma's back. "You're Level 1! You shouldn't even have a Development Ability! And what the actual hell is an SSS rank in Luck?! The scale stops at S! I’m a literal deity and I didn't even know that was possible!"
"Twelve..." Riveria muttered out, completely ignoring Loki's panic as she clutched the edge of a nearby table for physical support. Her pristine elven composure was entirely shattered. "Twelve spells...The limit is three. The absolute, divine law of the Falna restricts a mortal to three. And...and what is this?"
Riveria pressed a trembling finger near Kazuma's shoulder blade. "Teleportation?! A spatial magic capable of altering the fabric of reality?!"
"Boy, what the hell is this cheat sheet?!" Loki yelled, grabbing Kazuma by the shoulders and shaking him. "You have seventeen Skills! Seventeen! And this [Adventurer] thing is literally a built-in glitch! Are you a monster?! Are you a god in disguise?!"
"I'm a Jack of all Trades," Kazuma shrugged, easily prying himself out of the goddess's grip and casually putting his shirt back on. "I dabble."
"You do not 'dabble' in spatial manipulation!" Riveria snapped, looking like she was about to hyperventilate.
Finn, however, wasn't looking at the impossibility of the numbers. He wasn't bothered by the broken laws of the Falna or the sheer absurdity of the SSS rank. His thumb rested on his chin, his tactical mind racing at a million miles an hour as he pieced together the synergy of the text he had just read.
"Enemy Detection to map the battlefield. Lurk to vanish completely from sight. Deadly Backstab for guaranteed lethal force. And Auto-Evade if he is somehow compromised," Finn murmured, his blue eyes shining with a calculating intensity.
He looked up at the boy adjusting his green cloak.
"A healer. A tracker. A thief," the Pallum captain continued, his voice low. "Kazuma, this [Teleport] magic. Can you truly instantly relocate allies across vast distances?"
"As long as I've been to the location before and set a waypoint, yeah," Kazuma confirmed, entirely missing the predatory gleam in the captain's eyes.
Finn smiled. It was a dangerous smile of a commander who had just been handed the ultimate asset on a silver platter. "You are going to be incredibly useful to me."
"My turn! My turn!" Aqua shoved Kazuma out of the way, dramatically turning her back to Loki. "Read my status, flat-chest! Read it and weep at my divine perfection!"
Loki grumbled, placing a drop of blood on Aqua's back. The Falna text erupted.
Loki stepped back, her face draining of all color.
"Loki?" Finn asked, his smile faltering. "Is it bad?"
Riveria forced herself to look.
**Aqua: Level 1
Strength: I — 0 Endurance: I — 0 Dexterity: I — 0 Agility: I — 0 Magic: SSS — ???
[ Development Abilities ]
Purification: SSS Party Tricks: SSS Artisan: S Builder: S
[ Magic ]**
Holy Arcane: [Heal] [Sacred Highness Heal] [Turn Undead] [Sacred Turn Undead] [Exorcism] [Sacred Exorcism] [Break Spell] [Sacred Break Spell] [Cure Poison] [Refresh] [Resurrection]
Water Manipulation: [Create Water] [Sacred Create Water]
**Support: [Blessing] [Powered] [Haste] [Protection] [Resistance] [Reflect] [Force Fire] [Magic Seal] [Magic Circle] [Versatile Entertainer] [Eyes of Providence]
[ Skills ]**
[Goddess of Water]: Absolute domain over water. Grants the ability to walk on water, breathe underwater, and summon water spirits. Automatically purifies any liquid the user touches, turning it into highly potent [Holy Water].
**[Divine Protection] [Holy Aura] [Evil Detection] [Enhanced Vision] [Multilingual]
[Nature's Beauty / Hundred Hazes]:** Advanced, incredibly high-level entertainment manifestations that serve absolutely no discernible combat purpose whatsoever.
---
"Resurrection?!" Riveria almost shrieked, her voice cracking entirely. "And over twenty spells?!"
"Development ability: Party Tricks SSS?" Loki read the text, baffled. "What the hell is a Party Trick? Why is it ranked SSS?! And 'Goddess of Water'? Do you have any idea how blasphemous that skill name is, you cheeky brat?!"
Riveria stared at Aqua, who was currently picking her nose while humming a tavern tune.
"She has the strength of wet paper," Finn muttered, his tactical mind trying and failing to process the contradiction. "Yet she holds the ultimate arcane miracle of life, a skill claiming absolute elemental domain...and an advanced manifestation for...parlor entertainment with no combat purpose?"
"The spirits..." Riveria whispered, her eyes rolling back into her head. "The spirits have bestowed the ultimate gift upon a complete idiot..."
"Ha! Look at her!" Aqua pointed at Riveria and laughed uproariously. "The elf can't handle my sheer perfection! Bow before me, mortals! I am the ultimate carry!"
Instantly, Riveria's eyes snapped to her. Driven by pure elven spite and the strict discipline of a seasoned educator, she grabbed a rolled-up map of the dungeon and brought it down hard on top of Aqua's head.
THWACK!
"Ow! Kazuma, she hit me!"
"You have the magical power of a nation, the physical resilience of a newborn, and the discipline of a toddler!" Riveria barked, her maternal rage fully ignited. "Starting tomorrow, you are waking up at 5:00 AM! We are doing magic theory, chant recitation, and basic humility training until you bleed!"
"No! I want to sleep in! I want bubbly!" Aqua sobbed, clinging to Kazuma's leg.
Kazuma bowed rapidly to Finn and Loki, completely ignoring his crying Goddess. "I am so sorry. She was dropped on her head as a baby. Several times. From a great height. I'll make sure she studies."
Finn couldn't help it. He threw his head back and laughed. This was the most chaotic, absurd pair he had ever seen, but the sheer tactical potential they brought to the Familia was astronomical.
"Kazuma," Finn chuckled, wiping a tear from his eye. "Get your gear ready. Tomorrow, the Loki Familia is mounting a resource-gathering expedition to the Deep Floor. I want to see you and your...partner, in the field."
Kazuma immediately snapped into a perfect, crisp military salute. An expedition with Orario's elite? Protection from high-level vanguards while he sat in the back? This was the easy life he had been dreaming of.
"Right away, Captain!" Kazuma beamed. "You can count on us!"
"Don't ignore me!" Riveria's voice echoed in the background as she grabbed Aqua by the collar, dragging the wailing girl out of the room. "Why is a quarter of your Falna dedicated to parlor magic?! Explain 'Nature's Beauty' to me right now!"
As the door slammed shut on Aqua's screams, Kazuma smiled warmly at Finn.
'Yes,' he thought. 'Joining this Familia was definitely the right choice.'
---
And it definitely was.
The Hostess of Fertility was operating at maximum volume, a roaring circus of clinking mugs, laughter, and the scent of legendary cooking.
The Loki Familia had rented out the entire back half of the tavern to celebrate a successful expedition and the addition of two new recruits, the atmosphere was electric.
At the center of the chaos, two distinct spheres of conversation had formed.
At the head table, Riveria Ljos Alf was desperately trying to maintain a shred of decorum. But It was a losing battle.
Aqua was already five mugs deep into the Hostess’s premium fruit wine. Her face was flushed, and she was currently using her water magic to make tiny, liquid frogs that danced performed a unified kick-line across the table, much to the amusement of the rest of the table's occupants.
Minus, of course, Riveria herself.
"Aqua, stop acting like a tavern wench," Riveria sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "And stop with the party tricks. Magic is a sacred discipline. Using it to make dancing frogs is deeply disrespectful to the spirits who blessed you with this gift."
"Oh, loosen up, you stiff!" Aqua slurred, waving a dismissive hand before taking another massive gulp of wine. "Spirits, schmirits! I command the water, it doesn't command me! You elves are all the same. 'Oh, look at me, I have to chant for ten minutes just to make a puddle! Respect the puddle!' Bleh!"
Ais, sitting quietly beside them with a plate of Jagamarukun, paused mid-bite. She watched the little water frogs do a backflip. A tiny smile graced her lips. "Pretty."
"I am merely suggesting," Riveria huffed, her voice dropping a fraction of a degree, "that a woman of your supposed...delusional divine stature should conduct herself with grace, rather than acting like a drunken dwarven sailor."
"Who are you calling a sailor, you stuck-up elf?!" Aqua slammed her mug down, puffing out her cheeks.
"What did you just call me?" Riveria's voice now held a deadly edge.
Lefiya, sitting across the table, gasped in absolute horror. "A-Aqua! You can't call Riveria-sama that!"
"Just like the good ol' days.," Finn muttered to himself, sipping his ale and watching the exchange with deep amusement. It had been decades since anyone had spoken to Riveria without a filter of absolute reverence. Seeing the High Elf physically twitch in annoyance was a rare display.
"Can't say I'm complaining. Heh," Gareth chuckled, stroking his beard. "The new recruits are quite the bunch, especially the lad Kazuma. He's got a few neat tricks up his sleeve."
"Honestly, that blue thing is something else. Not even I can piss off Momma Riveria that much," Loki cackled, kicking her boots up onto a spare chair.
A few tables over, Kazuma was living his best life.
Surrounded by Raul and the rest of the male members of the Familia, Kazuma was holding court. After the dungeon incident where he had literally stolen a Minotaur's magic stone right out of its chest cavity with his Steal skill, his reputation among the vanguard had skyrocketed from the new Rookie recruit to badass adventurer. He wasn't strong, he wasn't fast, but he was incredibly cool in a distinctly underhanded way.
"I'm telling you," Raul said, his face flushed with drunken excitement, "the cow didn't even know what hit it! One second it's roaring, the next second, boom! It collapses into dust! And Kazuma is just standing there holding the stone!"
"That's amazing, Kazuma!" the men cheered, slamming their wooden mugs against the table.
"It's all about timing and observation, boys," Kazuma said smoothly, leaning back in his chair with a smug, arrogant grin. He folded his hands behind his head. "Brute strength is fine for the meatheads. But true adventuring? It's an art form. It's about taking exactly what you want before the enemy even realizes it's gone."
"Show us!" Cruz demanded, and instantly, everyone at the table was begging excitedly for a demonstration.
"I challenge you, Kazuma. Ten thousand Valis!" Raul said, pointing across the room to where Bete Loga was sitting by himself, grumpily nursing a massive mug of dwarven spirits and ignoring the festivities. "Steal Bete's cup! Right out from under his nose!"
Kazuma smirked. He liked Raul. They were both distinctly average in a world of monsters, which bred a mutual respect.
Normally, Kazuma wouldn't have been suicidal enough to annoy a moody Level 5 werewolf, but he heard the imaginary KA-CHING of ten thousand Valis, and that was all the motivation he needed.
"Alright, boys. Watch carefully. You might learn something from a veteran."
Kazuma stood up, brushing off his green adventurer's cloak to ensure he looked properly mysterious. He narrowed his eyes, zeroing in on the mug resting on Bete’s table. He raised his right hand, his fingers curling into a practiced claw.
He pictured the mug. He envisioned the trajectory.
He opened his mouth.
Across the room, Aqua finally crossed the ultimate line.
"Maybe if you spent less time making everyone's lives miserable, you'd actually have time to find a boyfriend, you lonely, pointy-eared old hag!" Aqua yelled.
Riveria’s emerald eyes flashed with a terrifying, absolute authority. The temperature in the tavern genuinely plummeted. "That is enough!"
"Waahh!" Aqua squeaked. Realizing she had just poked a sleeping dragon, the goddess did the only sensible thing she knew how to do: she bolted toward her shut-in NEET.
"Kazumaaaa! Save meeeeee! The scary elf is trying to kill me!" Aqua wailed, abandoning her drink and sprinting directly across the tavern floor.
Riveria was not letting her get away so easily. With a terrifying burst of high-level agility, Riveria lunged forward, her hand outstretched to grab the back of Aqua's collar.
Their high-speed pursuit intersected the exact center of the tavern.
Directly in Kazuma’s line of sight.
"Steaaal!" Kazuma barked, unleashing the skill.
A flash of light illuminated the tavern, catching everyone's attention.
Kazuma felt the familiar, satisfying weight of an item materialize in his right hand. A triumphant smirk on his face. He didn't even look down, simply closing his fist and striking a heroic pose for his audience.
"And that, gentlemen," Kazuma declared smoothly, his eyes closed in smug satisfaction, "is how it's done."
Raul stared.
Cruz stared.
In fact, the cheering from the men's table died instantly. The silence rippled outward like a shockwave.
Bete Loga, who was still sitting at his table holding his completely un-stolen mug, looked at his cup, then looked over at Kazuma's raised hand. The werewolf's nose twitched, and his brow furrowed in deep, aggressive confusion.
"The hell is that?" Bete grunted loudly, his voice cutting through the sudden quiet. "Are you holding a pair of panties, you creep?"
Kazuma’s smug smile froze. "Huh?"
Slowly, like a creaking door, Kazuma lowered his gaze to his open palm.
Resting in his hand was an exquisite, gossamer-light piece of emerald-green elven silk lace, embroidered with delicate, incredibly expensive silver threading.
"Oh..." Kazuma’s breath caught in his throat. His brain, usually so quick to adapt to danger, completely flatlined.
At the counter, the tavern staff froze. Anya dropped a plate of pasta on the floor with a loud shatter. Chloe vigorously rubbed her eyes, wondering if she was hallucinating. Ryuu Lion's hand slowly drifted toward a nearby knife, her elven sensibilities deeply offended by the sheer existence of this perversion. Syr simply smiled an awkwardly, ready to witness the upcoming execution.
"Whoa! So pretty!" Tiona broke the silence, leaning over her table to get a better look at Kazuma's hand. "Wait, whose are those?"
Tione’s eyes widened as she quickly calculated the trajectory of Kazuma's hand, the flash of light, and the two people who had just run through his line of sight. She clapped a hand over her mouth, her face draining of color.
In the center of the room, Aqua had tripped over a chair leg and fallen flat on her face. But no one was looking at her.
Every single eye in the Hostess of Fertility was locked on Riveria Ljos Alf.
The High Elf stood perfectly still. Her hand was still outstretched toward where Aqua had been. A sudden, chilling draft brushed against her upper thighs.
Ais dropped her Jagamarukun on the floor.
Finn’s mug slipped from his hand.
Lefiya’s eyes rolled to the back of her head, and she fainted dead away, hitting the floorboards with a soft thud.
Gareth choked on his ale, pounding his own chest as he turned purple.
"No way!" Loki’s jaw practically detached from her skull. "Holy crap, kid, you're a visionary—I'll give you ten million Valis for those right now!" Loki cheered, practically diving across the table toward Kazuma before being restrained by Finn.
They all realized what had just happened.
Riveria mechanically turned her head. Her emerald eyes locked onto Kazuma. She looked at his terrified face. Then, she looked at the emerald-green lace clutched in his right hand.
The aura that erupted from the High Elf was not magical. It was an expression of pure, concentrated, apocalyptic murder. The wooden floorboards beneath Riveria's boots began to crack and splinter under the sheer, physical pressure of her killing intent.
"Kazuma," Raul whispered, his voice trembling with genuine grief as he took three slow steps backward. "It was nice knowing you, buddy."
"I..." Kazuma’s voice cracked. He held the lace up by two fingers, his hands shaking violently. He looked at Riveria, his eyes wide with a terror that far surpassed anything he had ever felt when facing the Generals of the Demon King. "I was aiming for the cup! I swear to the gods, I was aiming for the cupppp!"
Riveria did not speak. She simply raised her staff, the tip already glowing with a blinding, lethal light.
"O flames of the apocalypse…"
"Wait! Wait! It's a misunderstanding! The skill prioritizes high-value items! It's a glitch!" Kazuma shrieked, dropping the silk like it was made of lava and throwing himself to the floor in a desperate, tear soaked dogeza. "AQUA! THIS IS YOUR FAULT! DO SOMETHING!"
"Resurrection won't fix ashes, Kazuma! RUN!" Aqua wailed from the floor, covering her head with her arms.
As the blazing inferno of Riveria’s magic illuminated the horrified faces of the Loki Familia and the Hostess staff, Kazuma squeezed his eyes shut, wishing, for the hundredth time since meeting the water goddess, that he had chosen a different cheat item.
---
News traveled fast in Orario, but rumors involving the Loki Familia traveled at the speed of light.
Riveria had forced everyone present at the Hostess of Fertility to swear an absolute, blood-binding oath of silence regarding the exact nature of the item Kazuma had stolen.
However, the oath didn't cover the fact that Kazuma had used a mysterious magic to instantly strip SOMETHING from a woman, nor did it cover Riveria nearly nuking the tavern in response.
Within 24 hours, the story had mutated completely out of control.
Kazuma was walking across the Twilight Manor courtyard, carrying a crate of potions Finn had ordered him to fetch—mostly just to get the shut-in out of his room.
Suddenly, he noticed the atmosphere in the courtyard was completely poisoned.
A group of female Familia members were huddled near the armory. The moment Kazuma stepped into view, they gasped, instinctively clutching their shirts and skirts, taking unified steps backward.
"Look out, it's him," one whispered loudly.
"The Phantom Stripper."
"I heard he doesn't even need to touch you. He just looks at you, and your armor falls off."
"Kazu-trash..."
Kazuma’s eye twitched. Kazu-trash? That crossed universes?!
He set the crate down with a heavy sigh and turned away, passing by the first-tier female adventurers who were glaring at him from the shade of a nearby tree. Tione, Tiona, Lefiya, and Ais were sitting together.
Kazuma's lip-reading skill managed to decipher the word "trash" quite frequently from their muttering.
Lefiya was actively hiding behind Tione, her face pale, gripping her staff as if ready to cast Fusillade Fallarica if Kazuma so much as blinked in her general direction.
"Hey!" Kazuma called out, marching over. "I can hear you all whispering. Let's get one thing straight. I am not some degenerate pervert who goes around targeting women!"
"You literally stole Lady Riveria's—!" Lefiya shrieked, clamping both hands over her own mouth just before she broke the oath of silence. "You—You Crap-zuma!"
"Crap-zuma?!" Kazuma pointed an accusing finger at the elf. "It was a misfire! I was aiming for the cup! The skill operates on complex metaphysical principles that none of your tiny, sword-swinging brains could possibly comprehend!"
"Oh, really?" Tione sneered, taking a step closer and cracking her knuckles. "So if I walked up and punched you in the face right now, you wouldn't use that creepy magic to try and strip me?"
Kazuma did not back down. He stood his ground, his eyes narrowing into a sharp, terrifyingly serious glare.
"Listen closely, Amazon," Kazuma said, his voice dropping dramatically into a dead-serious one. "I am an advocate for true gender equality. I have no patience for women who throw their weight around expecting to be protected by their gender. If you come at me, I will not hesitate to dropkick a female opponent squarely in the jaw. I will use every dirty trick, every cheap spell, and every underhanded skill in my arsenal to utterly humiliate you. Man, woman, or beast—my hands are rated 'E' for Everyone!"
The courtyard went dead silent.
"Wait, you'd really dropkick a girl?" Tiona asked, leaning forward with genuine, misplaced excitement. "Can you even kick that high? You look pretty squishy!"
"You've got a lot of nerve, trash," Tione growled, though she looked genuinely thrown off by the absolute, unyielding conviction in the boy's voice. "Or a massive death wish."
"Rated 'E'..." Ais muttered softly, committing the strange phrase to memory. She was still trying to calculate whether this speech was incredibly brave or incredibly pathetic.
Lefiya pointed a trembling finger at him. "Y-You're the worst! You're actually the worst adventurer in history! You're Public Female Enemy Number One!"
"I am a pragmatist!" Kazuma yelled back defensively.
Just then, his Enemy Detection skill passively activated. In Kazuma's mind's eye, a map of his surroundings appeared. Bright red dots flared to life, indicating immediate hostility and killing intent directed exclusively at him.
Ping. Ping. Ping.
Kazuma froze. He looked left. A group of female elven mages belonging to Riveria's Fairy Force were glaring daggers at him from the balcony.
Ping. Ping. Ping.
He looked right. The female supporters were gripping their equipment tightly, eyeing his kneecaps intently.
Ping. Ping. Ping.
He looked back at the gates of the manor. A group of female adventurers from a neighboring Familia were walking past, stopping to scowl through the iron bars at his words.
Ping, ping, ping.
His skill was literally registering every single woman in a fifty-yard radius as an active, hostile enemy.
Kazuma slumped his shoulders, staring blankly at the dirt. "I want to go home."
It was a beautiful afternoon on Daedalus Street. Kazuma had managed to sneak away from the Manor while Loki was busy terrorizing Aqua for drinking her last hidden stash of Soma wine.
He had a few thousand Valis in his pocket, a crepe in his hand, and for the first time in days, his Enemy Detection wasn't screaming at him.
"Ah, the bustling city life," Kazuma sighed happily, taking a bite of his crepe. "No raging Amazons, no psychotic elves or terrifying women in general, and most importantly, no useless water goddess ruining my day."
"Um...excuse me?" a soft, musical voice chimed.
Kazuma turned. Standing in the alleyway to his left was a group of five female elves. They didn't wear the crest of any Familia. They wore standard town clothes like flowing skirts and simple blouses, their long, elegant ears poking through perfectly brushed hair.
The one in the front, a beautiful elf with sun-kissed skin and golden hair, stepped forward. She clasped her hands together in front of her chest, a faint, angelic blush dusting her cheeks.
"Pardon our intrusion," she said, her voice like wind chimes. "But we couldn't help but notice your emblem. By any chance...are you the adventurer known as Satou Kazuma?"
Kazuma’s heart skipped a beat.
'Wait,' he thought, his eyes widening. 'Are they fans? Did word of my tactical genius in the dungeon finally spread to the city? Or maybe...is this it? Is my protagonist luck finally kicking in!? An alleyway encounter with a group of beautiful elves who want to get to know the mysterious rogue!?'
Kazuma quickly swallowed his crepe, wiped his mouth, and leaned casually against the brick wall. He ran a hand through his hair, striking what he believed to be a roguish, brooding pose.
"Yeah, that's me," Kazuma said, deepening his voice to maximum coolness. "Word gets around, I suppose. What can I do for you ladies? Need an escort for a quest? Or maybe just some company for the afternoon?"
The lead elf’s smile widened. It was a beautiful smile. Radiant. Breathtaking.
Then, her eyes went completely dead.
"It's him," she said, gesturing to her companions.
The atmosphere in the alleyway instantly shifted from a lighthearted romantic canon event to a gritty survival horror.
Before Kazuma could react, the delicate elf reached behind her flowing skirt and pulled out a solid steel pipe.
"For Riveria-sama!" she screamed, her voice cracking with fanatical rage.
"Wait, what—?"
SMACK!
The steel pipe connected flawlessly with Kazuma’s cheekbone, sending him spinning through the air. He hit the cobblestone face-first. Before he could even cry out in pain, the other four elves descended upon him like hungry vultures.
They used brass knuckles, heavy wooden clogs, and violent street violence.
"You filth!" one elf screeched, kicking him in the ribs. "How dare you sully the honor of the High Elf!"
"Strip her in public, will you?!" another yelled, delivering a flawless elbow-drop straight onto Kazuma’s spine. "That's what you get for humiliating our royalty, you human trash!"
It was obvious from their monstrous strength that these were actually undercover adventurers and not civilians, as Kazuma's spine could painfully testify.
"I yield! I yield! It was a mistake!" Kazuma sobbed, curling into a tight ball as boots rained down on him from every conceivable angle. "I'm a victim of circumstance! Aaaaagh! Not the face! I have a very low Endurance stat!"
"Break his hands so he can never cast that vile magic again!" the leader commanded.
"NO, WAIT, THOSE ARE MY MONEY-MAKING HANDS!"
Ten minutes later, the alleyway was silent.
Kazuma was face-down in a puddle of dubious origin that seemed to be pooling suspiciously near his crotch. His body was contorted into an unnatural shape, groaning softly. His green cloak was torn, and a boot print was perfectly stamped across his face.
Footsteps echoed at the mouth of the alley.
"Kazuma? Oh, Kazuma, there you are!"
Aqua trotted into the alley, holding a massive skewer of roasted meat. She looked down at Kazuma’s broken, twitching body. She took a bite of her meat, chewing thoughtfully.
She picked up a small stick from the ground and poked him in the cheek to see if he was still alive.
"Ugh..." Kazuma groaned, a single tear rolling down his bruised face. "Heal...me..."
"Hmm. I don't know," Aqua said, humming a little tune. She squatted down next to him. "Healing a public menace like you might damage my reputation as a pure and holy goddess."
Kazuma weakly reached out, grabbing her ankle. "I'll give you...three thousand Valis..."
"Five thousand," Aqua negotiated cheerfully, completely unfazed by his agonizing pain.
"Four..." Kazuma wheezed, ready to bargain for less even in his critical state.
"Deal!" Aqua clapped her hands. She lazily waved a hand over him. "Sacred Highness Heal!"
A warm light washed over Kazuma, fixing his broken ribs and mending his fractured cheekbone. He gasped for air, rolling onto his back and staring up at the sky, his eyes hollow and devoid of hope.
"Pay up!" Aqua demanded, holding out her hand expectantly.
Kazuma stared at her hand. Then, he raised his own right hand, pointing his fingers at the pouch of Valis tied to Aqua’s waist.
"Steal."
With a flash of light, Aqua's entire coin pouch materialized in Kazuma's hand. He immediately stuffed it down his shirt.
Aqua froze. She looked down at her empty hip.
"WAAAAAAAAAH! KAZUMA, YOU SCUMBAG! GIVE IT BACK! THOSE WERE MY EMERGENCY DRINKING FUNDS!"
"Shut uppp!" Kazuma yelled, scrambling to his feet and sprinting out of the alley. "It's compensation for the emotional and physical damage you've caused me! And I'm using it to buy a helmet, because this city is completely insane!"
---
(More in comments)
She kinda bad tho
Now I understand why those Evilus "goons" listen to every word she says without questions (besides the fact she is a level 5 that can crush them with a flick of her finger)