Seeking help as an unknown
Hi, I'm on here asking for help. Let me explain the situation to give some insight on the issue. Quick disclaimer; therapy, speaking to a medical professional, and breaking up or taking a break from each other isn't on the table. With that out of the way, let me begin.
My girlfriend has an addictive personality. One of her main addictions before it stopped was character ai.
I recently found out about this. When I found out, one thing led to another and eventually my mind made the connection to threesomes.
Ever since I had this idea, it had developed into a kink, fetishe, fantasy or whatever. I spoke to her about it. At first she was open to it, before we actually dived deeper. The first conversation ended with her sobbing into my arms about not wanting to have a 2f, 1m threesome.
The next day, we talked more. I didn't realise she was upset about it until it was too late.
We tried simulating what it would be like in a 2m 1f threesome. She had faked her orgasms, and I didn't have a very good one. But a part of me still liked it. She, however, felt sick and disgusted.
Que another hard conversation which also ended in tears.
I feel deeply ashamed and saddened with myself for hurting her, as I really value her and I love her deeply.
Yet I cannot seem to shake this desire. Hence, I need help. How do I get rid of this for the sake of myself and my relationship?