What should I do with my relationship?
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Hi, I’m not a jealous person—or at least, I thought I wasn’t.
I’m currently in a serious and happy relationship with my girlfriend (F29).
Early in our relationship, she told me that she was still talking to someone she had matched with on a dating app. She said it was just friendly conversation and that she only gave him dry replies. She had also shared her social media with him, and at the time, I was okay with it.
Now, there’s another guy she previously matched with on a dating app who has started messaging her through social media because he is going to our city. He knows she’s in a relationship, but he still sends her racy and suggestive messages.
She told him that she has a boyfriend and to end his unsolicited requests go meet her, she told him she would only meet him if I were with them. The guy replied, “No thanks, Im not s cuck”
I’m not comfortable having this guy still connected to her on social media, especially considering that he knows she’s in a relationship and continues to flirt with her. I asked her if she could block him, but she initially told me she wouldn’t.
She said she wants to “leave something for herself.” For context, her previous boyfriend cheated on her, and she gave everything to that relationship. Because of that experience, she says she wants to keep something for herself this time around.
She told me that she has already set a boundary with these guys: she won’t respond to their sexual or suggestive messages, and I appreciate and respect that. However, I’m still not at peace with the situation because, from my perspective, these guys don’t respect the boundaries of our relationship.
I told her that my mental peace is important to me and that I’m genuinely uncomfortable with her maintaining a connection with people who have romantic or sexual intentions toward her.
She eventually blocked them because of my explanation about my mental peace.
Now, for the third time, there’s another guy she previously matched with on a dating app. She told me that they were just friends and that nothing ever happened between them. They’re still connected on social media and occasionally exchange memes, but there’s no flirting or anything sexual between them.
They actually met before and clicked because they share similar hobbies. Unlike the previous guys, there were no nudes exchanged and no physical intimacy between them.
This guy currently lives far away but will be returning to our city next week. He asked her if they could meet for coffee, and she said yes.
Honestly, I don’t want them to meet, but I also don’t want to be controlling or tell her who she can and cannot see. What scares me is the possibility that they might meet in person again, reconnect, and realize there’s still some kind of chemistry or “spark” between them.
I know that this fear might be coming from my own insecurity, and I don’t want to make decisions for her based solely on that. At the same time, I can’t pretend that the idea of them meeting doesn’t bother me.
Now I’m wondering: Am I being unreasonable or controlling by asking her to block these guys, or is this a reasonable boundary to have in a relationship?
I’m not asking her to cut off normal male friends. My issue is specifically with guys she met through dating apps who still flirt with her and send suggestive messages despite knowing she has a boyfriend.