u/Sad_Arugula_5517

Heliosis is a state I have gotten in quite a bit over the summer. When I stay out to long with the sun shining on my head, everything just kinda changes. For one my perception of the world become quite different, like much more brighter. I already wear sunglasses, since I am more sensitive to light than the average person and can get headaches just from that. But heliosis makes even those obsolete.
When in heliosis my thought patterns also dissolve, becoming much less organized. Mental processes just randomly start and stop and there is constant switching between them. My movement becomes less coherent with it. The control over my volume becomes even worse than normal. When I'm with people, I apparently regress into child-like behavior. So far this hasn't paired with loss of motor control - be that just collapsing or dissociation. (I have experienced both independently.) I also saw a demon-looking creature during one episode, which frightened me quite a bit. When I told my psychologist, she didn't really believe what I was saying, even tho I tried to explain what reality means to her. (I made a post about this on here before.) She also told me that this could be the onset on some sort of schizo thing. I hope this isn't the case and luckily it hasn't happened since.
One of the most interesting parts is however, that during heliosis, I am unable to determine that I am in heliosis. Similar how in a dream it's hard to tell that you are dreaming. This has lead me to call it sun-psychosis, since it is caused by the sun (or at least correlates with it) and from what I know one of the important aspects of psychosis is that the person in psychosis doesn't understand that they are indeed in psychosis.

Does anyone else have a similar experience with this?

Theory ig?

Kant defines the god-being as the transcendental ideal, that is the supreme real being and that which every other thing is compared against, since it is the sort of substrate that everyone exists on or in contrast to. (Having some predicates assigned to it and others not, while the substrate hold them all.)

I wonder now if we don't operate under same sort of deal when thinking about insanity. The insane person is diagnosed (or at least suspected of) deficiencies in it's being, which is what makes them be called insane. This is of course normative, but here it doesn't really matter. Because from this naturally the idea of sanity arises and is - at least in concept - embodied in the ideal of the sane person, the god of the sane.

However it's an ideal, it isn't real, there is no sane person. Yet some people (and I'm sure there are some here) are categorized as 'insane', while others are 'sane'. But ppl can't seriously believe that they match the ideal of the sane person, right? There is just some arbitrary line in the sand and people like to position themselves on one side - or the other. And even tho no one is truly sane, they use the reasoning of 'insanity' to put people (like some of the people here, me included, I'm sure) behind bars. (Or well, locked doors anyways.) And on court order nonetheless and with a show trial. The judge should have asked himself, whether he shouldn't have locked himself up, since I'm sure he wasn't sanity embodied himself.

I had this dream about 42h ago at this point and am reconstructing it from the messages I wrote to a friend immediately after waking up. (So I don't really have any of the imagery anymore, but I had it when I wrote the messages.)

This dream (dreams?) happened in "layers", so I'm gonna try to separate it by those layers. (It was sort of like Inception without the crazy dream invading stuff, it that explains it better.) Also at least to me it was a bit disturbing, so ig judge for urself if u wanna read it or not..

Layer 1
So from what I remembered, it started at a train station. It was underground and very long with many lanes. I was there with a couple ppl, for now importantly my mom and the family dog - small cute one. There was a train with the doors open and the dog had it's front paws in the train and the back paws on the station floor. I wanted to get her [the dog] out of the door, but my mom said we should let her choose over her life/death. I was hoping she would get off, but she didn't. The train then started and she fell into the gap between the train and the station floor. You can (but probably shouldn't) imagine the rest.
My sister was also there and she was just as devastated as myself, but she decided to throw herself in front of a train. At this point I hoped she would manage to get what she wanted, but it didn't happen. She got hurt, but they (idr who) wouldn't let her die. Ik that she was in much pain.
One of my cousins was also there. She chased after me when I tried to escape through the empty train tunnels. I did manage to escape ultimately from what I remember.

A possible interpretation to this layer is, that the family dog, being a small one, may develop some issues with her breathing tubes. I'm pretty upset about this and told my mom when she talked about it. She said that she isn't in favor of having surgery for the dog. (I won't get into why, but there is a reasoning that is worth considering.) It could be that the dream was regurgitating that.

Layer 2
At this point we went a layer up. I'm saying layer, because I had some understanding that the stuff before was a dream. On this layer we flew on a plane. It was actually the same plane flight like 5 times. I also had something with me, which my family tried to take away from me each time. (I don't remember what it was and didn't write it down.) I did go pretty insane from the repeated flights tho and had seizures. Another cousin of mine then proceeded to film me and call me schizo - which may have been because of the seizures or I was hallucinating. The filming was a sort of selfie-style thing.

Note here that my psychologist said to me that my seeing a creature that looked a bit like I'd imagine a demon to look may be the onset of something schizophrenic. (Idk psychology, so hard to comment.) That happened during heliosis. I've been getting quite a few of heliosis this summer, but didn't get the creature again. But the schizo thing could be in refference to it.

Layer 3
I wrote down that this part was very important, but that stuff gets blurry at this point. Apparently it was about a show, at least there were a lot of chairs there. I was meeting ppl behind a building and I wasn't sure if they were friends. I was in much fear tho and bolted (belt?) across the chairs. I did end up finding someone who I trusted, they were in a fire-fighter suit. But apparently it turned out I couldn't trust them either.

Layer 4
At this point I woke up in my bed, but it wasn't the flat or bed I currently sleep in. I was pretty mad at this point. My notes here say "At this point I started to write someone. [sic] Like they were scripting my dreams? Coz remember, every layer I go up I still remember the stuff from the last. Like they were programming my dreams." Idk what that means honestly. I did have this happen before, that I wake up in my bed, but I couldn't be sure it was a dream or not. (I may just have woken up for a short time and remembered it as part of the dream. This time was pretty clear tho, since it wasn't my current bed.

Layer 5
The last layer was kinda chill, I ate some sort of inflatable ice cream with my mom. Like you drop it in water and it grows, like those towels which are very compact until you throw them into water. Apparently it tasted well.

supposedly non-dream reality
Then I woke up. From my notes I can gather that I wasn't sure if it was actually not another dream, but I was leaning yes. When in dream it's not possible to tell, but I think I can do it when awake. On the other hand in layer 4 I also thought that, soooo....

Anyways, that was the dream - at least what was in my notes about it. I do wonder if there is some more meaning to it, but I felt quite disturbed about it. I had dreams experiencing SA and my messages say that even those I didn't find as bad. (Tho I was biased ofc, since I just woke up from this one.)
It did seem interesting tho. From what I can remember from a presentation I had to do in grade 12, Freud thought dreams could tell u about stuff in your unconscious. Idk, from what I gather Freuds theories are kinda iffy scientifically, but that doesn't really mean he is wrong tho. The dream was pretty interesting regardless.