u/Sadman_OW

And honestly, I think I’m doing ok! I thought hearing something like this would mess with my head, but in fact it did the opposite. It helped me realize just how insane she is now and not the person I loved for 13 years.

I’ve decided to spend these past 5 months working on myself. I know I’m not a finished product yet but I’m happy with the progress I’ve made. Instead of looking for outside gratification I’m instead trying to find a way to love myself so that I’m in a better spot when I look for my next relationship.

And she instead decided to dive head first into her delusion. At one point during our “reconciliation” she said she felt like he manipulated her and that she needed to spend time working on herself because she ran to him to fill a void instead of working through her emotions. And now she’s married to him lol.

I thought hearing or seeing this would cause a set back. It would send me down a spiral and break me. But instead it’s just helped me reaffirm my decision to leave her. She’s no longer the person I fell in love with. Instead she’s just some stranger. I just feel “meh” when I think about it.

And I think that’s a good thing. I think I’m doing ok. I think I’m on the right track. I’m not happy with how much time I spent thinking about her today, but it’s because I just kept poking myself to be like “are you sure it doesn’t bother you?”. And once I got past the general shock of how crazy it is, I think I’ve finally let go. Seeing her make it SO obvious that she’s insane, really helped me find some closure today. Why spend any more time thinking of this person when they’re clearly not worth it?

I’ve been posting on here throughout the entire process and have appreciated everyone’s support. It’s been a tumultuous few months but I’ve been happy with the progress I’ve made throughout it. Ive been strong and fought for myself and I am excited to move forward with my own life.

But today was the final day and it hit like a ton of bricks. We finalized the divorce last month and sold the house a few weeks ago. These events started to work up some emotions where it finally hit me that I was at the finish line. Suddenly the anger and frustration towards her started to shift towards some sadness again. I know this is all for the best but it started to hurt all over again.

And then today happened. We finalized the last bills, separated the last of our accounts, and I think sent the last text to each other. I’ve been crying non-stop thinking that the last thing I’ll say to the woman I loved for 13 years is just a text saying “ok will do”.

I knew it was coming, and for most of the process I was looking forward to it. But now I’m just so incredibly sad that it’s all over. I know it’s for the best because I know I didn’t deserve what she did. But god I’m just so incredibly sad and could use some additional assurance today.

Edit: thank you to everyone for the kind words. Thankfully I ended my night laughing and being happy in my own space. Also got real lucky that I had a therapy appointment scheduled for that afternoon to help talk through it.

The feeling is still there this morning, but it was lighter.