u/Safe-Narwhal-1097

I recently requested medical records from my old psychiatrist for book-keeping. Loking through them, I learned I was diagnosed with DID in 2024. I remember doing the dissociative scale test, but didn't think anything of it as I am also diagnosed with PTSD and I know dissociation can be a symptom of it.

It doesn't come to a complete suprise to me, though. I've been aware dissociative parts for a long time. On one hand, I am glad I have this diagnosis I waited so long to be recognized for. It is very validating. On the other, I am shocked I was never told I was formally diagnosed. I feel hurt it was kept from me. That I was kept in the dark and guessing on my plurality for two years more, and I only learned by my own curiosity and obsession with keeping medical records. It shocks me, and yet it doesn't. It's two very conflicting feelings.

I tried to deny my parts and symptoms for a long time, and now I cannot because I am diagnosed. I even did an AMA about being a "faker" in another subreddit (that I shall not name) in the past because I swore I was making it up. I convinced myself I was simply having an active imagination or maladaptive daydreams. I wasn't.

I know denial and shame is a large part of the disorder. I know logically I should be at peace with what and who I am, and should be excited this mystery is solved. But I'm not.

Any support or similar situations would be very kind to hear right now.