I’m not pinning this.

I’m not putting a mod label on it.

If this gets buried, it gets buried. I’m saying this as Sage.

And honestly, I’m tired.

Not tired of the community.
Not tired of building for it.
Not tired of trying to protect it.

I’m tired of the way so many people approach it.

Because I say community, and I think a lot of people still see:
“Oh, cool. Another place to drop a dating ad.”

That’s not what I wanted this to be.

This is Introverts Safe Dating.

Introverts. Safe. Dating.

Dating matters here, obviously. I’m not pretending it doesn’t. But I hate that for a lot of people, that’s the only part they see. I honestly wish I could change the name sometimes, because I think the word dating makes people skip past everything else.

This was never meant to be a free-for-all.
It was meant to help people connect.

Introverts are the focus, but anyone who wants real connection is welcome here.

The working definition I use here is simple:

>“An introvert is a person who gains energy from solitude and quiet, and finds highly stimulating environments draining.”

That is not a flaw.
That is not being broken.
That is not “socially defective.”
It just means a lot of people here want depth more than noise.

Some people here are shy.
Some struggle in person.
Some are lonely.
Some are trying again after being hurt.
Some have never really had a space where they felt comfortable being honest.

That matters to me.

And I need people to understand something else too:

I believe in people.

I really do.

Every person who posts here.
Every person who comments here.
Every person who messages me.

My first instinct is not “how do I catch this person doing wrong?”
My first instinct is usually “maybe this person can choose to do good.”

That does not mean I think everyone is harmless.
That does not mean there are no limits.
There are.

This community is not for bots.
It is not for scams.
It is not for predatory behavior.
It is not for people who want to turn vulnerability into something to take advantage of.

But I also want to say this clearly, because I think some people get weird about it:

Having NSFW history does not automatically make someone a bad person to me.

People are complicated.
People have lives outside this subreddit.
People have interests, pasts, and contradictions.

What matters more to me is how you treat people here.

Are you respectful?
Are you genuine?
Are you honest about what you want?
Do you treat people like actual human beings?

That matters more to me than pretending I can sort the whole world into “good” people and “bad” people from a profile glance.

Still, there are lines.
And when someone keeps crossing them, I will act.

That brings me to something else:

This place is not for shallow connection.

In a weird way, all of us here are trying to show people who we are and why we’re worth getting to know.

So no, I do not think “hey” is enough.
No, I do not think “DM me” is enough.
No, I do not think one-line empty replies are enough.

I understand being shy. I really do.

But if someone takes the risk to post something vulnerable here, and your whole response is “hey,” you are putting the entire weight of the connection back on them.

That is not effort.
That is not depth.
That is not kindness.

Give people something real.
A thought.
A question.
A shared interest.
Something that proves you actually saw them.

There’s a line from Castlevania I think about a lot:

>“If you kill us all, you end human cruelty, yes. But you end human kindness, too.”

That line sticks with me because this place only works if I keep believing both things are real.

Cruelty is real.
I’ve seen it.
Bad intentions are real.
I’ve seen that too.

But kindness is real too.
Effort is real.
Surprise is real.
People trying in good faith are real.

And if I stop believing that, then this place becomes nothing but defense, suspicion, and cleanup.

I don’t want that.

I want a real community.

And yes, that means sometimes I remove people permanently.

Not because they disagree with me.
Not because I expect perfection.
Not because I think I’m better than them.

But because at a certain point, someone’s pattern tells me they are making this place less safe, less genuine, and less human for everyone else.

Protecting the room matters.

I also want to say this:

I’ve had help behind the scenes from another mod, and I’m grateful for that. That person has helped me grow, challenged me, and made me better at thinking through this stuff. I’m not saying that for applause. I’m saying it because this community has changed me too.

It’s taught me that keeping people safe is hard.

Not just because there are bad actors.
But because people will say “there’s a problem here” and then never actually give us what we need to respond.

So I need to say this as plainly as I can:

I cannot help people who will not let me help them.

If someone sends you creepy DMs, sexually pushes on you, gets manipulative, gets aggressive, or makes you uncomfortable, and you never tell us, then I do not know.

I cannot see your private messages.
I cannot act on something I never receive.
I cannot investigate a ghost.

If all I get is:
“there are weirdos here”
but no usernames, no screenshots, no report, no modmail,
then I’m swinging at shadows.

And I don’t want to do that.
I want to actually help.

I have removed posts.
I have removed comments.
I have banned users.
I have also tried to teach people when I thought they were ignorant instead of malicious.

But I can only respond to what I know.

So please, report things.
Please send screenshots when something happens in DMs.
Please use modmail.
Please do not assume silence means we don’t care.

I also wish the Discussion, Advice, Question, and Success Story flairs got used more.

I mean that.

Because I don’t want this place to just be a board people throw ads onto and disappear from.
I want people asking for advice.
I want people talking.
I want people learning.
I want people sharing what worked.
I want actual community.

I’m not asking anyone here to be perfect.
I’m not asking anyone to be super confident.
I’m not asking anyone to magically know the right words every time.

I’m asking people to try.

Try to be real.
Try to be kind.
Try to put in the same effort you hope someone gives back to you.

That is what I want this place to be.

Not just another dating subreddit.

A community.

Poll: Should we add optional user flairs?

While reading through the feedback on my recent post asking what features everyone would like to see, one suggestion that caught my attention was optional user flairs.

The idea isn't finalized by any means, so before I spend time building anything, I'd rather ask the community what you actually want.

Here are a few ideas I've been considering:

- 🌍 Broad location (Europe, North America, Asia, etc.)

- 🎯 Intent (Dating, Friendship, Conversation, Gaming, etc.)

- 🎮 Hobbies & Interests (Gaming, Reading, Music, Art, etc.)

- 💬 DM Preferences (DMs Open, Comment First, etc.)

- 🚫 I'd rather not have user flairs.

A couple of notes:

- These would be completely optional.

- I'm not considering exact locations or anything that would compromise someone's privacy.

- The goal would be to make it a little easier for people to find common ground and start conversations—not to turn ISD into a dating app with labels everywhere.

The poll only allows one vote, so pick the option you think would add the most value.

As always, if you have an idea that isn't listed, I'd love to hear it in the comments.

View Poll

A quick look behind the scenes

Most members only see the posts and comments that make it through.

What you usually do not see is everything that gets filtered, removed, reviewed, or stopped before it reaches the community.

Over the last 30 days, this subreddit has had:

• 936 posts/comments published
• 575 posts/comments removed**
• 38 items filtered by Reddit safety filters
• 156 posts removed
• 4 reported items

I am sharing this because I want the community to understand two things:

1. Moderation is active here.
2. Low-effort behavior is not accepted here.

Bots, scams, NSFW content, spam, suspicious links, low-effort comments, and rule-breaking posts are not being ignored. A lot of it simply gets handled before most members ever see it.

Low effort is still low effort

This is an introvert-focused community. We understand shyness. We understand nervousness. We understand that not everyone knows how to start a conversation easily.

But comments like:

• “hi”
• “hey”
• “DM me”
• “can I DM?”
• “message me”
• “your DMs don’t work, DM me”
• “add my Discord/Snap/Instagram”

are usually not real conversation.

If someone took the time to write a post about themselves, they deserve more than a drive-by comment. You do not have to write a perfect message, but you do need to show basic effort.

A better comment could be as simple as:

>Hey, I liked what you said about gaming and horror movies. I’m also into those. What have you been playing lately?

That is not complicated. It is just human.

Moving off Reddit too quickly is a red flag

This does not mean people can never exchange Discord, Instagram, Snapchat, or other contact information.

If two people have already started talking and naturally decide to move elsewhere, that is their choice.

What we do not want is people immediately trying to pull others off Reddit before any real conversation has happened.

That behavior is common with scammers, bots, NSFW accounts, and people who are not here in good faith.

So if your entire comment is basically “add me somewhere else,” do not be surprised if it gets removed.

“DM me” is not always bad

Context matters.

If someone writes a thoughtful post and ends with “DMs open,” that is usually fine.

If someone writes a thoughtful comment and says “feel free to DM me if you want to talk more,” that can be fine too.

The problem is when “DM me” is the whole interaction.

There is a big difference between inviting conversation and avoiding conversation.

AutoModerator is intentionally cautious

AutoModerator is not perfect.

Sometimes it catches exactly what it should. Sometimes it misses something. Sometimes it filters something innocent because it matched a pattern commonly used by bad actors.

That can be frustrating, but it is intentional.

I would rather manually approve a genuine post than leave harmful content visible for everyone else.

The goal is not to remove as much as possible. The goal is to keep the community comfortable enough that genuine people can post, comment, and connect without constantly running into bots, scams, NSFW spam, harassment, or lazy copy-paste behavior.

If your post or comment is removed

If you believe something was removed by mistake, send Modmail.

Please do not repeatedly repost the same thing. That can make your account look like spam or rule-circumvention, even if that was not your intention.

A simple message is enough:

>Hi, I think my post/comment may have been removed by mistake. Could someone review it?

If you are here in good faith, we would much rather help fix the issue than push you away.

What this community is trying to be

This subreddit is not meant to be a low-effort DM farm.

It is not meant to be a place where people spam the same message everywhere and hope someone responds.

It is not meant to be a place where users are treated like profiles to collect.

The goal is genuine connection: dating, friendship, conversation, shared interests, support, and community.

You do not have to be perfect. You do not have to be the most confident person here. You do not have to write a novel.

But you do need to be respectful, genuine, and willing to put in basic effort.

Thank you to everyone who posts thoughtfully, comments respectfully, reports suspicious behavior, and helps keep this community different from the usual dating/friendship spaces online.

You may not always see the moderation happening, but it is happening.

One of my goals is for this community to be more than just a place to post introductions. I want it to be a place that genuinely feels welcoming, safe, and shaped by the people who use it.

With that in mind, I'd love to hear your ideas.

Are there any features, flairs, events, or changes you'd like to see added to the community?

Some ideas I've been thinking about:

• 🎮 A Gamer flair for people looking for gaming buddies or gaming-focused connections.
• 🏷️ User flairs (favorite hobbies, interests, countries, personality types, etc.).
• 💬 Weekly discussion threads to help people get to know one another.
• ❓ Community Q&A or advice threads.
• 🎉 Community events or game nights.
• 📚 Book, movie, anime, or hobby recommendation threads.
• 🤝 Better ways to help new members feel welcome.
• 🛡️ Additional safety features or moderation improvements.

These are just examples—please don't feel limited by them. If you have an idea, no matter how big or small, I'd genuinely love to hear it.

I've been making a lot of changes recently based on community feedback, and I'd like that to continue. This community belongs to all of us, so your ideas really do matter.

Looking forward to reading your suggestions!

Welcome to the weekly introduction thread.

This is a lower-pressure place to introduce yourself, meet people, and start conversations without making a full dating post.

You can participate whether you are looking for dating, friendship-first connection, online conversation, or just a gentle way to ease into the community.

# Suggested intro format

Age:

Gender:

Location/time zone:

Looking for:

Open to long-distance?:

Introvert style:

Interests:

Favorite quiet activity:

Conversation starters:

Boundaries:

You do not have to answer every question, but please give people enough to respond to.

# Conversation prompts

Need help starting?

Try answering one of these:

* What is your ideal quiet date?

* What hobby could you talk about for hours?

* Are you more of a homebody, nature person, gamer, reader, artist, or something else?

* What kind of conversation makes you feel comfortable?

* What is something small that makes you feel cared for?

* What are you hoping to find here?

# Reminder

This thread is still SFW.

No NSFW comments, adult promotion, seller behavior, harassment, pressure, or low-effort bait.

Respect people’s stated preferences.

Do not message someone privately unless their comment suggests they are open to it.

Be patient. A slower pace is the point.

As r/IntrovertsSafeDating continues to grow, moderation has to grow with it. When this community first started, things were much easier to handle manually. I could look through most posts myself, approve genuine ones, remove obvious spam, and respond to issues as they came up. But as more people join, that approach is not enough on its own anymore. With growth comes more genuine users, which is amazing. But it also brings more bots, spam, low-effort posts, suspicious accounts, NSFW promotion, scams, and people trying to bypass the purpose of the community. Because of that, I’ve updated both the subreddit rules and AutoModerator. The goal is not to punish genuine users. The goal is to protect them.

What is changing? The rules have been cleaned up and expanded to better reflect what this community is supposed to be: A SFW introvert community where people can look for dating, friendship, discussion, advice, and genuine connection without being overwhelmed by spam, bots, scams, or bad-faith users. Some of the biggest changes involve:

• Clearer expectations for dating and friendship posts
• Stronger SFW rules
• Better protection against bots, sellers, scammers, and mass posters
• Stronger rules around authenticity and catfishing
• Clearer rules against low-effort posts
• Better handling of off-platform solicitation
• More flexibility for discussion, question, advice, and success story posts Different flairs now have different expectations. Dating Post, Online Only, Friendship First, and Local Dating posts still need basic information so users know who they are talking to and what kind of connection is being sought. Discussion, Question, Safety / Advice, Success Story, and Weekly Thread posts do not need to follow dating-post formatting, because they are not personal ads. However, those flairs also cannot be used to bypass dating-post requirements.

---

AutoModerator has also been updated. AutoModerator will now do more to catch obvious spam, NSFW content, suspicious off-platform behavior, very new accounts, low-effort submissions, and posts that may be using the wrong flair. Some posts or comments may be held for review before appearing publicly. That does not automatically mean you did something wrong. It just means the system wants a moderator to take a closer look. If your post is genuine and follows the rules, it may still be approved manually.

Why these changes are necessary Rules exist to protect genuine users, not to punish them. A community like this depends on trust. People need to feel like they can post without being immediately buried under spam, targeted by sellers, pressured into uncomfortable conversations, or misled by people acting in bad faith. That does not mean moderation will be perfect. AutoModerator can make mistakes. Human moderators can make mistakes too. But doing nothing is not an option if the goal is to keep this place healthy as it grows.

If your post gets removed or held Please do not panic. Read the rules, check the title/posting format, and make sure you used the correct flair. If you believe something was removed by mistake, send Modmail and it can be reviewed. Please do not keep reposting the same thing repeatedly, because that may make it look like spam or rule-circumvention.

What will not change This community is still meant to be welcoming. You do not have to be perfect. You do not have to write a novel. You do not have to be the most confident person in the room. Introverts are allowed to be quiet, awkward, nervous, uncertain, or new to posting. The expectation is not perfection. The expectation is effort, honesty, respect, and basic care for the people around you.

Final note My goal has never been to create the biggest dating subreddit. My goal is to help build a community where introverts can feel comfortable posting, talking, asking questions, seeking connection, or simply existing without constantly worrying about bots, scams, spam, or bad-faith users. These changes are another step toward that. Thank you to everyone who has helped this community grow, reported suspicious content, given feedback, posted genuinely, commented respectfully, or simply stayed present. Even if you mostly lurk, you are still part of the community. — Your moderator

I wanted to apologize for the recent delays in post approvals, removals, and moderation responses.

Over roughly the past week to week and a half, I came down with COVID and needed to focus on recovering. Because of that, moderation activity was slower than normal, and some posts remained in the queue longer than they should have.

Thankfully, I’m doing much better now.

Over the next couple of days, I’ll be working through the backlog, reviewing pending posts, responding to modmail, and making sure everything is caught up.

I appreciate everyone’s patience while I was away, and I also want to thank everyone who continued reporting rule-breaking content and helping keep the community safe.

As always, if you have concerns about a post or user, please use the report function or send a modmail.

Thank you for your patience and understanding.

— Your moderator

Welcome to the weekly introduction thread.

This is a lower-pressure place to introduce yourself, meet people, and start conversations without making a full dating post.

You can participate whether you are looking for dating, friendship-first connection, online conversation, or just a gentle way to ease into the community.

# Suggested intro format

Age:

Gender:

Location/time zone:

Looking for:

Open to long-distance?:

Introvert style:

Interests:

Favorite quiet activity:

Conversation starters:

Boundaries:

You do not have to answer every question, but please give people enough to respond to.

# Conversation prompts

Need help starting?

Try answering one of these:

* What is your ideal quiet date?

* What hobby could you talk about for hours?

* Are you more of a homebody, nature person, gamer, reader, artist, or something else?

* What kind of conversation makes you feel comfortable?

* What is something small that makes you feel cared for?

* What are you hoping to find here?

# Reminder

This thread is still SFW.

No NSFW comments, adult promotion, seller behavior, harassment, pressure, or low-effort bait.

Respect people’s stated preferences.

Do not message someone privately unless their comment suggests they are open to it.

Be patient. A slower pace is the point.