Hi everyone,

I want to say this directly: I’m sorry I was less visible here recently.

ISD matters to me deeply, and the people this community was built for matter to me deeply. Being away from the front-facing side of things for a while felt wrong, because this is not just another subreddit to me.

This community is special.

There have been some genuinely amazing posts here. Thoughtful posts. Vulnerable posts. Funny posts. Quiet posts. Awkward-but-honest posts. Posts from people trying to put themselves out there even though that is not easy for them.

That is exactly why ISD exists.

A single bad apple does not ruin the rest of the batch. The bots, scammers, low-effort accounts, recycled dating ads, and bad-faith users do not change how much I value the genuine people here. If anything, they make me more protective of the users who are actually trying.

If you are angry, direct it at me

For those unhappy with the mods, for those who feel personally wronged, and for those who want to lash out: message me directly at u/SageOD.

Not modmail.

To be clear, this does not mean messaging me privately is how you get a moderation action overturned. If you are making an actual appeal, asking about a removal, or providing evidence for review, that still belongs in modmail. Modmail is where official moderation decisions are handled.

But insults, aggression, threats, and rude behavior need to stay out of modmail.

If you are upset about how this community is moderated and what you actually want to do is lash out, direct that at me instead. I made the rules. My mods may play a part in enforcing them, but they are my rules. The decisions they make come from moderation standards I helped build and trained them on.

Keep that shit away from my mods and out of modmail.

My mod team is an extension of me when they are acting on behalf of this community. If you have a serious problem with the way moderation is being handled, come to me directly.

That does not mean abuse will magically get you what you want. It means my team should not have to absorb hostility for enforcing standards I created.

If your message crosses into harassment, threats, slurs, or abuse, I will decide whether it deserves a response, a block, a report, or further action.

On a lighter note, users who genuinely need someone to talk to can also reach out privately. If you are lost, confused, lonely, unsure how to participate, or just need someone to hear you out, you can message me.

I can be personal with you. I can offer advice. I can help explain things when needed.

That said, I need to be clear about boundaries. I cannot be everyone’s close personal friend, and I try to stay professional with this community. I am also single by choice, and I will not use or abuse my own community to seek a relationship. Please respect that.

But I can be kind. I can listen. I can help educate where I can. And if you have nowhere else to go, it does not hurt to reach out.

The community was not abandoned

While I was less visible, the community was not abandoned.

Our mod team has been working hard behind the scenes: reviewing posts, handling removals, watching for spam, catching bad-faith activity, answering reports, and trying to keep ISD safe and usable for the people who are here for genuine connection.

They did not catch absolutely everything. No moderation team ever will.

But they kept the balance.

After reviewing the actions taken while I was less active, I can say this clearly:

The team has been doing real work for this community.

For some perspective, in the past 30 days ISD had:

• 455.9k visits
• 4.1k members joined
• 2.1k items published
• 3.3k items removed
• 710 items filtered by safety systems
• 937 posts and 1.2k comments made

Those removed and filtered items include a mix of things: bots, spam, routine title/flair issues, low-effort content, safety concerns, and other rule violations. Not every removal is dramatic. Some are simple fixes. Some are not.

But the numbers show something important: this community is active, growing, and being protected every day.

Posting limits have been adjusted

We have made a few posting-limit adjustments to make things smoother for genuine users who are trying to fix honest mistakes.

Users may now submit up to 2 posts every 12 hours.

Some automatic removals should also no longer count against that posting limit. This means that if AutoMod removes a post for a fixable issue, such as a title problem or missing required information, users should have more room to correct the problem without immediately being blocked by the posting limit.

That does not mean users should repeatedly delete and repost.

If your post is removed, read the removal reason carefully. If it is a simple fix, correct it properly. If you are unsure, reply to the original removal message or wait for moderator review.

Repeated deleting, reposting, resubmitting the same content, ignoring removal messages, or trying to force a post through can still be treated as spam, reposting, or moderation circumvention.

The goal is to make honest fixes easier.

It is not to make spam easier.

Please treat the mod team with respect

Moderating ISD is unpaid work.

Owning this community does not make money. Reviewing posts does not make money. Reading modmail does not make money. Checking suspicious accounts, handling reports, reviewing appeals, dealing with bots, and removing unsafe content does not make money.

But it also is not really just a hobby.

It is a commitment. A belief. A desire to do something that leads to something greater than ourselves.

That also means moderators are still people with lives outside of Reddit. Sometimes we are away because our lives need us. That may mean jobs, families, friends, health, school, hobbies, responsibilities, or just needing time to breathe.

This community is something we care about deeply, but it is also something being squeezed into real lives by real people.

Because of that, we cannot always get to modmail immediately. If you send us a message, please give us time to respond. In most cases, we suggest waiting at least 24 hours before panicking or sending repeated follow-ups.

Believe in us like I believe in you guys.

A removed post does not mean we think you are a bad person.

Sometimes it means your title was missing required information. Sometimes it means the flair was wrong. Sometimes it means the post looked recycled, too vague, unsafe, or not aligned with the rules.

Some issues are simple to fix.

Some are not.

Questions are allowed. Playing dumb is not.

You are allowed to have questions.

You are allowed to be confused.

You are allowed to appeal.

But if moderators tell you the issue is recycled content, spam, mass posting, suspicious activity, or a broader account pattern, do not pretend there is no possible way to understand what that means.

Moderators can review more than just the one post sitting in front of them. We can review public posting history, prior removals, repeated patterns, repost behavior, and moderation context.

A recycled post does not always mean you posted the same ad in ISD before.

It may mean the same or near-identical dating ad was posted in another subreddit. It may mean the same title, structure, wording, photos, or core message has been reused across multiple communities. It may mean the account is treating ISD like one more place to cast the same net.

Do not treat moderators like they cannot see the pattern.

We are paying attention.

If the issue is obvious and a user chooses to play confused, argue in circles, ignore the explanation, or act like moderators cannot understand what is happening, that can make the situation worse. Depending on the severity, that behavior may lead to a temporary ban or a permanent ban.

What counts as recycled content, spam, or mass posting?

ISD is not here to be another stop for the same dating ad used everywhere else.

Recycled content can include:

• Copying the same dating post from another subreddit into ISD
• Lightly editing a post while keeping the same title, structure, and core wording
• Reusing the same dating ad across multiple dating communities
• Deleting and reposting the same or nearly same content to get more attention
• Posting the same introduction repeatedly with minor changes
• Bringing a general r4r-style ad here instead of writing something for this community

Spam or mass posting can include:

• Posting the same or similar message across multiple communities
• Repeatedly commenting low-effort contact requests
• Treating users like targets instead of people
• Using ISD mainly to collect DMs
• Deleting and reposting to avoid removals, cooldowns, or moderator review
• Ignoring removal messages and repeatedly trying to force content through

You may use the same basic facts about yourself. You do not need to invent a new personality for every subreddit.

But the post itself should feel written for ISD specifically.

If you disagree with that standard, that is your choice. But do not argue with us about whether the rule should exist.

ISD has users we care about, and these rules exist to protect them. If you do not want to follow those standards, you are free to leave. We respect that choice, and we wish you well on your journey.

But while you are here, the rules apply.

Respect in modmail matters

Getting angry at moderators for enforcing posted rules will not help your appeal. If you come into modmail rude, hostile, insulting, or accusatory, that does not make us more likely to reverse an action.

It usually does the opposite.

You are expected to communicate respectfully.

Threats, harassment, insults, or hostility toward moderators or users will not be tolerated. If someone has frustration with a moderation decision, bring it to modmail calmly. Do not take it out on the people doing the work or on other members of this community.

I will be very patient with honest confusion.

I will be much less patient with people who mistreat my mod team or the users of this community.

We want ISD to stay open to genuine users

We do get bots and bad-faith accounts.

Every growing community does.

But we do not want ISD to become a locked-down community where only pre-approved or verified users can participate. We want to avoid that for as long as we reasonably can, because this community should remain available to genuine users, including quiet users who read more than they post.

That only works if the community helps us.

So please:

Report. Report. Report.

If you see a bot we missed, report it.

If you see someone pressuring users to move off-platform too quickly or too aggressively, report it.

If someone from this community messages you with insults, harassment, manipulation, NSFW pressure, deceptive identity, or anything that feels unsafe, send us modmail.

Please include evidence when possible. Screenshots, links, usernames, and context help us act properly. We do have to handle these things carefully and by the book.

The report button and modmail are more powerful than they might seem. You may not always see what happens afterward, but reports help us spot patterns, review accounts, remove unsafe users, and protect people who might not speak up themselves.

The goal has not changed

ISD exists because introverted and quieter people deserve a place where they can seek connection without being drowned out by spam, pressure, NSFW behavior, recycled dating ads, or people treating every subreddit like another place to cast the same net.

We are not perfect. We will make mistakes. When we do, we will try to fix them.

But the goal has not changed:

Genuine connection. Safety. Effort. Respect.

To the genuine people here: thank you.

Thank you for reading the rules. Thank you for making thoughtful posts. Thank you for being kind to each other. Thank you for reporting problems. Thank you for helping make this community worth protecting.

Together, this community can weather any storm.

Mod applications are open

One more thing: mod applications are still open.

If you care about this community and want to help protect it, you can message me directly at u/SageOD or fill out the mod application.

We are especially interested in people who understand what ISD is trying to be: safe, genuine, careful, and human-first.

Let’s keep building something better here.

Welcome to the weekly introduction thread.

This is a lower-pressure place to introduce yourself, meet people, and start conversations without making a full dating post.

You can participate whether you are looking for dating, friendship-first connection, online conversation, or just a gentle way to ease into the community.

# Suggested intro format

Age:

Gender:

Location/time zone:

Looking for:

Open to long-distance?:

Introvert style:

Interests:

Favorite quiet activity:

Conversation starters:

Boundaries:

You do not have to answer every question, but please give people enough to respond to.

# Conversation prompts

Need help starting?

Try answering one of these:

* What is your ideal quiet date?

* What hobby could you talk about for hours?

* Are you more of a homebody, nature person, gamer, reader, artist, or something else?

* What kind of conversation makes you feel comfortable?

* What is something small that makes you feel cared for?

* What are you hoping to find here?

# Reminder

This thread is still SFW.

No NSFW comments, adult promotion, seller behavior, harassment, pressure, or low-effort bait.

Respect people’s stated preferences.

Do not message someone privately unless their comment suggests they are open to it.

Be patient. A slower pace is the point.

Welcome to the weekly introduction thread.

This is a lower-pressure place to introduce yourself, meet people, and start conversations without making a full dating post.

You can participate whether you are looking for dating, friendship-first connection, online conversation, or just a gentle way to ease into the community.

# Suggested intro format

Age:

Gender:

Location/time zone:

Looking for:

Open to long-distance?:

Introvert style:

Interests:

Favorite quiet activity:

Conversation starters:

Boundaries:

You do not have to answer every question, but please give people enough to respond to.

# Conversation prompts

Need help starting?

Try answering one of these:

* What is your ideal quiet date?

* What hobby could you talk about for hours?

* Are you more of a homebody, nature person, gamer, reader, artist, or something else?

* What kind of conversation makes you feel comfortable?

* What is something small that makes you feel cared for?

* What are you hoping to find here?

# Reminder

This thread is still SFW.

No NSFW comments, adult promotion, seller behavior, harassment, pressure, or low-effort bait.

Respect people’s stated preferences.

Do not message someone privately unless their comment suggests they are open to it.

Be patient. A slower pace is the point.

Welcome to the weekly introduction thread.

This is a lower-pressure place to introduce yourself, meet people, and start conversations without making a full dating post.

You can participate whether you are looking for dating, friendship-first connection, online conversation, or just a gentle way to ease into the community.

# Suggested intro format

Age:

Gender:

Location/time zone:

Looking for:

Open to long-distance?:

Introvert style:

Interests:

Favorite quiet activity:

Conversation starters:

Boundaries:

You do not have to answer every question, but please give people enough to respond to.

# Conversation prompts

Need help starting?

Try answering one of these:

* What is your ideal quiet date?

* What hobby could you talk about for hours?

* Are you more of a homebody, nature person, gamer, reader, artist, or something else?

* What kind of conversation makes you feel comfortable?

* What is something small that makes you feel cared for?

* What are you hoping to find here?

# Reminder

This thread is still SFW.

No NSFW comments, adult promotion, seller behavior, harassment, pressure, or low-effort bait.

Respect people’s stated preferences.

Do not message someone privately unless their comment suggests they are open to it.

Be patient. A slower pace is the point.

Hi everyone,

We are making an enforcement update for r/IntrovertsSafeDating.

ISD has grown very quickly, and with that growth we need to be clearer about how certain moderation issues will be handled going forward.

In the past 30 days, the subreddit has had over 420,000 visits, around 4,100 new members join, around 2,000 published items, around 2,000 removed items, 91 user reports, and 179 items filtered by safety filters.

That is a lot of activity for a community that is still focused on being careful, SFW, authentic, and safety-minded.

With that growth, we have also seen more repost loops, recycled dating ads, low-effort participation, unclear appeals, and users trying to bypass or argue around moderation decisions.

This update is not meant to punish honest mistakes.

It is meant to make expectations clear before these patterns become normal.

Going forward, moderators may enforce more strongly around five issues:

1. Appeals that are not sent through the original removal message
2. Deleting and reposting after removals
3. Repeated recycled, copied, or lightly edited dating ads
4. Posts that were approved once but later require further review
5. Misrepresenting moderator messages or decisions

This does not mean every mistake will result in a ban. Moderator discretion still applies. Temporary bans, permanent bans, warnings, or leeway may vary depending on the situation.

But these patterns have become common enough that we need to be clear.

1. Appeals Must Reply to the Original Removal Message

If your post is removed and you want moderators to review it, reply to the original removal message.

This is extremely important.

Do not start a brand-new modmail thread saying “approve my post.”

Do not send a new message with no explanation.

Do not delete the post and then ask us to approve it.

Do not create a new modmail thread with the subject line “replying to original message.”

That does not count as replying to the original removal message.

We know how Reddit modmail works. Please do not assume otherwise.

The reason we ask you to reply to the original removal message is simple: it keeps the appeal connected to the specific post, the specific removal reason, and the specific moderation context.

If you go straight to modmail instead of replying to the original removal message, your approval request may be denied in most cases.

There are two main reasons:

1. You need to explain why the post should be approved.
2. We need to know why it was removed in the first place.

If either of those is missing, the request may be denied.

A message that only says “please approve” is not an appeal.

An appeal should explain why you believe the removal was incorrect, or what you changed to fix the issue.

If you deleted the original post, moderators may not be able to review it properly or help you understand what happened.

2. Deleting and Reposting After Removal

If your post is removed, do not repeatedly delete it and repost it.

Almost nothing good comes from this.

There are rare situations where a repost may be understandable. For example, if your post was removed only because the title was missing required information, such as age, seeking format, or location, then correcting the title and reposting once may be reasonable.

But most of the time, that is not what we see.

What we often see is someone deleting and reposting the same or nearly identical post after a removal, sometimes multiple times, with little or no meaningful change.

That does not look like fixing a mistake.

It looks like trying to bypass moderation.

If your post is removed and you do not understand why, reply to the original removal message.

Do not keep deleting and reposting.

Repeated delete/repost behavior after removals may result in a temporary or permanent ban.

3. Recycled Dating Ads

ISD is not a place to copy the same dating ad across multiple communities.

We understand that the basic facts about you may stay the same. Your age, location, hobbies, values, personality, and relationship goals do not have to change from post to post.

But the post itself should be written for this community specifically.

If you post the same or nearly identical dating ad across several subreddits, then bring it here, it may be removed under our Authenticity and Spam/Repost rules.

If your post is removed for recycled content and you later submit another copied, lightly edited, or nearly identical version, that may lead to a ban.

This is especially true if the account pattern shows repeated dating-ad reuse across multiple communities.

“I Spent a Lot of Time on It” Is Not an Exception

We have privately tested this standard as a moderation team.

The question was simple: if someone uses the same basic details about themselves, is it actually difficult to write a post that is still unique, personal, and specific to ISD?

The answer was no.

We were able to write multiple posts using the same core details while still making each post feel meaningfully different, natural, and authentic.

That did not require inventing a new personality.

That did not require changing someone’s age, location, hobbies, values, boundaries, or relationship goals.

It only required writing the post for this community instead of copying the same dating ad everywhere.

So “I spent a lot of time writing that post” will not be accepted as a reason to reuse it across many subreddits.

If the same post has been copied, lightly edited, or posted across several dating communities, then it is still recycled content, even if the original version took effort to write.

Effort spent once does not turn a mass-posted dating ad into authentic participation everywhere else.

Use the same facts about yourself.

Do not reuse the same dating ad.

After a Recycled-Content Removal

If your post is removed for recycled content, that is your warning that ISD does not accept copied or lightly reused dating ads.

After that first clear removal or warning, there is very little room for confusion.

Submitting another copied, lightly edited, or nearly identical dating ad after being told the issue may result in a temporary or permanent ban.

Again: you may use the same facts about yourself.

You may mention the same hobbies.

You may have the same relationship goals.

You may describe the same personality.

But the post itself needs to be newly written for ISD.

4. A Previously Approved Post May Later Be Removed

A post being approved once does not mean it can never be removed later.

We understand that this can feel unfair. In some ways, it is one of the most frustrating parts of moderation.

But it is also part of fair moderation.

Sometimes a post looks acceptable during an initial review, but later details are noticed that were missed the first time. Sometimes a post receives community reports that cause moderators to take a second look. Sometimes a concern becomes clearer once the post is public and users are reacting to it.

Community reports do not decide the outcome by themselves.

A report does not automatically mean a post will be removed.

A lack of reports does not automatically mean a post is safe.

But reports can prompt moderators to review something again.

Because posts in ISD are public, users have the right to report content that makes them feel concerned, uncomfortable, unsafe, or unsure. That does not mean the reporting user controls the decision. It means moderators may take another look.

If moderators decide after further review that a post does not fit ISD’s standards, it may be removed even if it was previously approved.

Previous approval is not a permanent guarantee.

It only means the post passed review at that time.

5. Do Not Misrepresent Moderator Messages

If moderators explain a decision in modmail, do not twist what was said.

Do not rewrite our message into something we did not say.

Do not selectively change the reasoning.

Do not claim moderators accused you of something we did not accuse you of.

Do not argue against a version of the decision that was not actually made.

That does not help your appeal. It makes communication harder and may lead moderators to stop engaging.

We believe in respectful, growth-driven communication. Users are allowed to disagree, ask questions, and explain their perspective.

But intentionally misrepresenting moderator decisions, reframing our words dishonestly, or trying to turn a clear explanation into something else may result in a ban, a mute, or both.

What Is Allowed

Using the same basic facts about yourself is fine.

Writing a new post that honestly describes the same person is fine.

Correcting a simple title mistake is usually fine.

Making a genuine effort to rewrite your post for ISD is fine.

Replying to the original removal message with a clear explanation is fine.

Respectfully asking for clarification is fine.

What Is Not Allowed

Starting a new modmail thread instead of replying to the original removal message may lead to your approval request being denied.

Repeatedly deleting and reposting after removals is not allowed.

Trying to bypass AutoMod or moderator review is not allowed.

Copying the same dating ad across multiple communities is not allowed.

Lightly editing a recycled post and presenting it as new is not allowed.

Misrepresenting moderator messages or decisions is not allowed.

Turning ISD into one more place to cast the same message everywhere is not allowed.

Final Note

This community is built around genuine, SFW, effortful connection.

We do not expect perfect posts.

We do not expect professional writing.

We do not expect users to write essays.

But we do expect users to respect removals, follow instructions, communicate honestly, and write for this community specifically.

These changes are meant to protect ISD from spam, repost loops, recycled dating ads, moderation bypass behavior, and bad-faith appeals.

Thank you to everyone who participates here honestly and helps keep the community genuine.

Welcome to the weekly introduction thread.

This is a lower-pressure place to introduce yourself, meet people, and start conversations without making a full dating post.

You can participate whether you are looking for dating, friendship-first connection, online conversation, or just a gentle way to ease into the community.

# Suggested intro format

Age:

Gender:

Location/time zone:

Looking for:

Open to long-distance?:

Introvert style:

Interests:

Favorite quiet activity:

Conversation starters:

Boundaries:

You do not have to answer every question, but please give people enough to respond to.

# Conversation prompts

Need help starting?

Try answering one of these:

* What is your ideal quiet date?

* What hobby could you talk about for hours?

* Are you more of a homebody, nature person, gamer, reader, artist, or something else?

* What kind of conversation makes you feel comfortable?

* What is something small that makes you feel cared for?

* What are you hoping to find here?

# Reminder

This thread is still SFW.

No NSFW comments, adult promotion, seller behavior, harassment, pressure, or low-effort bait.

Respect people’s stated preferences.

Do not message someone privately unless their comment suggests they are open to it.

Be patient. A slower pace is the point.

Hi everyone,

We need to clarify something important about r/IntrovertsSafeDating, our community standards, moderation decisions, and the word “discrimination.”

This post is not about one specific user, one specific removal, or one specific appeal. We have seen this issue come up more than once, so it needs to be addressed clearly.

ISD has always had stricter standards than many general dating or social subreddits. That is intentional.

This community is not a hookup board, a karma board, a generic dating-ad board, a spam board, or a place to copy and paste the same message everywhere.

ISD is a SFW, adult-only, authenticity-focused connection community.

That means moderation decisions are made based on community standards, not personal opinions.

What “Discrimination” Means Here

In ordinary use, discrimination means unfair or prejudicial treatment based on who someone is, such as their identity, background, orientation, gender, race, religion, disability, or other personal traits.

ISD does not moderate based on those things.

We do not remove someone because of who they are.

We moderate based on things like:

• What is posted or commented
• How the account is being used
• Whether the behavior fits ISD’s rules
• Whether the account pattern aligns with a SFW, adult-only, authenticity-focused connection community
• Whether the interaction gives others a safe and genuine reason to engage
• Whether the user is respecting the purpose of this subreddit

That is not the same as discrimination.

That is community moderation.

A user can disagree with a moderation decision. A user can feel frustrated by a removal. A user can think our standards are too strict.

That does not automatically make the decision discriminatory.

This post is about community standards. It is not an invitation to publicly debate individual moderation cases.

Standards Are Not Personal Opinions

ISD moderation is not based on whether a moderator personally likes someone’s hobbies, personality, relationship style, identity, orientation, interests, background, or preferences.

Moderators are expected to follow the standards of the community.

Those standards existed before any individual removal or appeal.

They are not invented in the moment because a moderator personally dislikes a user.

A post or comment may be removed even if the user meant well.

A post or comment may be removed even if the user is lonely.

A post or comment may be removed even if the user is shy.

A post or comment may be removed even if it would be accepted somewhere else.

A sincere intention does not automatically make content a good fit for this community.

Moderation decisions are not moral judgments on someone’s worth as a person. They are decisions about whether specific content, behavior, or account patterns fit this subreddit.

ISD Is Intentionally Stricter Than Generic Dating Spaces

ISD is not meant to be a place where any attempt to meet people automatically belongs.

This community is specifically built around:

• SFW interaction
• Adult-only personal connection
• Genuine effort
• Authentic presentation
• Respectful communication
• No pressure or manipulation
• No sexual solicitation
• No transactional relationships
• No recycled dating ads or mass-posting
• No low-effort “DM me” style participation
• No deceptive or misleading account behavior

That means some people may find ISD more restrictive than other communities.

That is allowed.

Not every subreddit is built for every style of posting, commenting, dating, or socializing.

If someone wants a more casual, NSFW, hookup-friendly, low-effort, or mass-posting-friendly environment, there are other communities that may fit them better.

ISD does not have to become those spaces.

“Trying to Meet People” Does Not Override the Rules

We understand that many people here are lonely, shy, introverted, anxious, inexperienced, or tired of trying to connect.

That matters to us.

But the fact that someone is trying to meet people does not automatically override the rules.

A comment can be well-intended and still too low-effort.

A post can be honest and still missing required information.

An account can belong to a real person and still not fit ISD’s safety or authenticity standards.

A user can want love and still be participating in ways that do not align with this community.

A user can be frustrated and still be expected to follow the rules.

ISD exists to help people connect, but it is not required to host every kind of connection attempt.

Examples

A low-effort comment may be removed even if the person is shy or nervous.

That is not discrimination against shy people.

ISD simply expects public comments to add something meaningful to the conversation.

A copied or recycled dating post may be removed even if the person is genuinely lonely.

That is not discrimination against lonely people.

ISD asks that posts here feel written for this community specifically.

A user with a broader account pattern involving hookup-seeking, sexual solicitation, adult selling, repeated NSFW dating activity, or transactional behavior may be removed or banned even if one ISD post is written in a SFW way.

That is not discrimination against sexuality, adult interests, or personal identity.

ISD is a SFW connection community, and broader public account behavior can affect safety, authenticity, and community fit.

A minor cannot participate in personal connection posts here.

That is not discrimination against younger people.

It is an adult-only safety boundary.

NSFW Accounts, Account Patterns, and Community Fit

Having NSFW history somewhere on Reddit does not automatically mean someone is banned from ISD.

This is an adult-only community. We understand that adults may have adult interests, private preferences, or activity elsewhere on Reddit.

We are not concerned with NSFW history on a basic existence level.

The concern is pattern, intensity, safety, honesty, and community fit.

If an account is almost entirely NSFW, hookup-focused, sexually explicit, transactional, adult-selling, or centered around sexual solicitation, and then that same account makes one innocent-looking SFW post in ISD, moderators may remove the post or ban the account.

That may feel harsh, but there are reasons for it.

First, fairness to the poster.

If your account shows that your main intent is strongly sexual, hookup-based, transactional, or not aligned with a SFW emotional-connection community, then ISD may simply be the wrong audience for what you are looking for.

That does not mean you are a bad person.

It means this subreddit may not fit your actual goals.

Second, fairness to other users.

Many people here are looking for slow, safe, emotionally focused connection. If someone begins a conversation believing the interaction is purely SFW and emotionally focused, then later discovers that the other person has very different expectations or a strong sexual priority, that can create discomfort, pressure, conflict, or a feeling of being misled.

Compatibility matters.

If you are looking for more than emotional connection, you need to be honest early and use SFW language.

For example, something like this is different from sexual solicitation:

>“I am looking for emotional connection, but I do eventually want a relationship that includes physical intimacy.”

That kind of statement is SFW, clear, and compatibility-focused.

That is very different from graphic descriptions, sexual advertising, hookup language, or talking about people’s bodies like advertisements.

ISD does not encourage physical-first posting. We want people to focus on character, values, personality, lifestyle, communication, emotional compatibility, and long-term fit.

This is not the place for physical “asset” descriptions, sexual advertising, hookup language, or body-focused posting.

There are other subreddits for that.

ISD is not one of them.

Some NSFW Patterns May Lead to Bans

There are some NSFW communities, patterns, or “preferences” that may lead to an immediate ban from ISD.

This is one of our stricter moderation standards, and it exists for safety.

If an account is involved in communities or patterns that appear unsafe, coercive, predatory, dehumanizing, incompatible with healthy connection, or otherwise concerning for a SFW dating/friendship community, moderators may remove the user from ISD.

We will not publish a list of those communities.

We will not provide that list in modmail.

That would only create a workaround guide for people trying to avoid safety review.

Moderator discretion still applies.

The standard is not whether a moderator personally likes or dislikes someone’s preferences.

The standard is whether the account and content appear safe, honest, SFW, and compatible with ISD’s purpose.

Throuples, Polyamory, and Nonstandard Relationship Structures

ISD is not automatically hostile to nonstandard relationship structures.

A throuple, polyamorous relationship, or similar long-term relationship structure may be allowed under specific and careful circumstances.

The key difference is relationship intent versus sexual access.

A stable relationship seeking a serious long-term partner, emotional connection, friendship-first compatibility, or a healthy committed dynamic may be allowed if it is presented clearly, honestly, respectfully, and in fully SFW language.

However, ISD is not a swinger subreddit.

ISD is not a hookup subreddit.

ISD is not a place for couples looking to “add a third” for sexual reasons.

ISD is not a place for unicorn hunting, casual sexual exploration, fantasy fulfillment, or physical-first relationship ads.

Posts involving throuples, polyamory, or nonstandard relationship structures must be especially clear about intent.

A post may be considered only under moderation discretion if it has:

• Long-term relationship intent
• SFW wording
• Honest disclosure that an existing relationship is involved
• A focus on emotional compatibility, values, communication, trust, stability, and consent
• No sexual solicitation
• No physical “asset” descriptions
• No pressure toward intimacy
• No bait-and-switch presentation
• No misleading “single person” framing if the poster is actually part of a couple or existing relationship

For example, a post saying:

>“We are a long-term couple looking for a serious long-term partner and want to build friendship and emotional compatibility first.”

may be reviewed differently from a post saying:

>“Couple looking for a fun third.”

The first is relationship-focused.

The second reads like sexual access, swinging, or hookup-seeking.

That does not fit ISD.

Stable, honest, long-term relationship structures may be considered.

Swinging, hookups, casual sexual exploration, and physical-first couple posts are not allowed.

Even when a post is written respectfully, approval is not guaranteed. Moderator discretion applies because these posts can easily become unsafe, misleading, or uncomfortable for users who are expecting one-on-one emotional connection.

If your goal is primarily sexual, casual, experimental, swinger-based, or physical-first, ISD is the wrong subreddit.

If your goal is a serious, honest, emotionally healthy long-term relationship structure, it may be considered, but it must be presented with extreme care.

Low-Effort Posts and Comments Are Not Accepted

Low-effort participation is not accepted in ISD.

This applies to both posts and comments.

A comment like:

• “DM me”
• “Message me”
• “I’m interested”
• “Hey”
• “Hi”
• “I DMed you”
• “I’m in Houston”
• “Same”
• “Hmu”
• “You’re cute”
• “Add me”

does not give the original poster much to respond to.

Even if the person means well, comments like that do not build a real conversation.

They turn the subreddit into a contact-request board instead of a community.

A comment can still be low effort even if it includes an age, gender, or one shared interest.

For example:

>“I’m 25F, I like video games too. DM me.”

is still low effort.

It gives very little for the original poster to respond to and mostly functions as a contact request.

A better version would be:

>“I’m 25F, and I’m into video games too. I’m currently playing Stardew Valley and Baldur’s Gate 3. I saw you mentioned cozy games, so I’d love to chat more if you’re interested.”

That is still short, but it gives the other person something more real to respond to.

A good comment does not have to be an essay.

It does not have to include a perfect question.

It does not have to include someone’s life story.

It simply needs to show that the user actually read the post and is responding to something specific.

For example:

>“I saw you mentioned indie games and achievement hunting. I’m into that too. What game are you working on right now?”

or:

>“I relate to what you said about preferring quiet nights over crowded places. That is one of the reasons I struggle with normal dating apps too.”

or:

>“You mentioned liking horror and long hikes. That is a rare combination, but honestly a great one. I also prefer quiet outdoor plans over crowded places.”

Those comments give the other person something real to continue from.

If the main point of a public comment is only “message me,” it will likely be removed.

If someone only wants to privately invite another user to talk, they can usually DM them directly if the post allows it.

Public comments should add something meaningful to the public conversation.

DMs, Closed Messages, and Safety

Private messages are part of Reddit, and many users here will choose to talk privately.

Please practice safety.

Do not give out personal information before you are comfortable.

Do not rush into sharing your phone number, address, workplace, school, financial information, social media, private photos, or other identifying details.

If something feels off, slow down.

If you are unsure about someone, you can ask for advice.

You may contact the ISD mod team through modmail, report concerning behavior to Reddit admins, or ask trusted friends for an outside perspective.

We are here to help.

If someone pressures you, guilt-trips you, asks for money, pushes sexual conversation, demands off-platform contact, refuses boundaries, or makes you uncomfortable, please take that seriously.

You are not obligated to continue a conversation just because someone replied to your post.

You are allowed to stop responding.

You are allowed to block.

You are allowed to report.

You are allowed to ask for help.

Also, if you make a post inviting people to message you, please make sure your DMs are open.

If someone tries to message the original poster and their DMs appear closed, they may leave a public comment, but that comment still needs effort.

A comment like:

>“Your DMs don’t work.”

or:

>“I can’t message you.”

is still too low effort by itself.

A better comment would be:

>“I tried to message you, but your DMs seem closed. I’m 26M, also introverted, and I related to what you said about preferring slower conversations. I’m mostly into quiet hobbies like reading and co-op games, so I’d be interested in talking if you decide to open your messages.”

That gives the original poster context and something real to respond to.

If a post invites DMs but the poster’s DMs are closed, moderators may temporarily remove the post so the user can open their messages or clarify how they want people to respond.

Once the issue is fixed, the post may be reapproved.

This is not a punishment. It is a practical step to prevent confusion and low-effort “your DMs are closed” comment chains.

Recycled Content and Mass Posting

ISD is not a posting board for recycled dating ads.

We understand that someone may have worked hard on a post in another subreddit.

That does not mean the same post belongs here unchanged.

If you copy a post from another dating subreddit and bring it into ISD without making it specific to this community, it may be removed.

This subreddit is not here to generate karma, farm attention, advertise broadly, or act as one more place to paste the same dating introduction.

ISD is supposed to be a community.

Posts here should feel like they were written for this space specifically.

You may use the same basic facts about yourself. Your age, hobbies, goals, location, values, and relationship hopes do not have to change.

But the post itself should not feel copied, recycled, mass-posted, or imported from a generic dating board.

If you post in ISD first and later post elsewhere, we cannot stop you from doing that.

However, if your account shows a broader pattern of mass-posting the same introduction across many communities, repeatedly reposting similar content, deleting and reposting for attention, or behaving like a bot, seller, karma farmer, or spam account, your content may still be removed and your account may be banned.

ISD is not for bots.

ISD is not for sellers.

ISD is not for karma farming.

ISD is not for mass-posted dating advertisements.

If you want to participate here, write for this community.

Community Fit Is Not the Same as Personal Rejection

Being removed from ISD does not mean a person is worthless.

It does not mean they are unlovable.

It does not mean they are forbidden from dating.

It does not mean they are being judged as a human being.

It means their content, account pattern, or behavior does not currently fit this specific subreddit.

That distinction matters.

A community is allowed to have boundaries.

A SFW subreddit is allowed to reject NSFW patterns.

An authenticity-focused subreddit is allowed to reject mass-posting.

An effort-focused subreddit is allowed to reject low-effort comments.

An adult-only subreddit is allowed to reject minors.

A safety-focused subreddit is allowed to remove accounts that raise safety concerns.

A relationship-focused subreddit is allowed to reject hookup, swinger, or physical-first posts.

That is not discrimination.

That is maintaining the community’s purpose.

Appeals and Clarification

If your post or comment is removed and you do not understand why, you may reply to the AutoMod message or contact modmail.

Please be clear and respectful.

We are willing to clarify, review, and correct mistakes when they happen.

However, calling every disagreement “discrimination” does not make it discrimination.

If the issue is behavior, effort, reposting, NSFW mismatch, safety, authenticity, or community fit, then the moderation decision is about those standards.

We will give enough explanation for genuine users to understand the decision.

We will not provide a workaround guide for moderation signals, safety review, AutoMod triggers, account-pattern review, or internal moderation methods.

Final Note

ISD’s standards are not new.

They are part of what keeps this community different from generic dating boards, hookup spaces, spam-heavy subreddits, and low-effort “DM me” environments.

You do not have to be perfect here.

You do not have to write essays.

You do not have to be socially flawless.

But you do need to participate in a way that fits the purpose of this community.

That means being SFW, genuine, respectful, effortful, and honest about what you are bringing into this space.

Thank you to everyone who understands and helps keep ISD safe, respectful, and genuine.

Hi everyone,

This is an important reminder about posting in r/IntrovertsSafeDating, replying to removals, and using modmail correctly.

r/IntrovertsSafeDating (ISD) is a SFW, adult-only, authenticity-focused connection community. We are not a hookup subreddit, a generic dating billboard, a spam board, or a place to copy/paste the same dating post everywhere.

A post can be removed even if it is readable. The standard here is not just “does this technically contain words?” The standard is whether it feels genuine, safe, specific, and written for this community.

Title Format

Dating/personal connection posts should clearly include:

• Age
• Your gender/identity shorthand
• Who you are looking for
• Location and/or online status
• A short description if possible

The preferred format is:

Age [Self4Seeking] #Location #Online Optional short description

Examples:

24 [M4F] #Germany #Online Starting my life new and looking for someone to be part of it

31 [F4M] #UK Looking for something genuine

25 [F4A] #Anywhere Friendship first

29 [M4F] #Manchester Looking for a quiet, lasting connection

Common shorthand examples:

• [M4F] = male looking for female
• [F4M] = female looking for male
• [M4M] = male looking for male
• [F4F] = female looking for female
• [M4A] = male looking for anyone
• [F4A] = female looking for anyone
• [A4A] = anyone looking for anyone
• [NB4A] = nonbinary person looking for anyone

Your exact shorthand can vary, but your title must clearly show who is posting and who they are looking for.

If your age, who you are looking for, or location/online status is only in the body and not the title, your post may still be removed. The title rule exists for readability, filtering, and safety.

Common Title Problems

Titles may be removed if they are missing required information or if they are too vague.

Common title problems include:

• Missing age
• Missing who you are looking for
• Missing location or online status
• “Looking for love”
• “Need someone”
• “Anyone want to talk?”
• “Bored”
• “DM me”
• “Trying this again”
• Title says one thing but the body says another
• Sexualized wording
• Hookup, sexting, cuddling, casual sex, or NSFW wording
• Titles that look copied from r4r, dirty r4r, hookup, or spam-style subs
• Multiple locations used in a spammy way without context

Your title does not have to be perfect, but it does need to communicate honestly.

Rules People Commonly Break

These are some of the rules we most often have to enforce:

Rule 1: Adults Only for Personal Connections

ISD is for adult personal connections. Minors cannot participate in dating/personal connection posts here.

Rule 2: SFW Only

No NSFW intent, sexual solicitation, kink-seeking, hookup-seeking, sexting, or sexualized behavior.

Rule 5: Dating Post Requirements

Dating posts need the required information. Missing age, who you are looking for, location/online status, or meaningful body detail can lead to removal.

Rule 6: Use the Correct Flair

Use the correct flair for your post. If the flair is wrong, your post may be removed or corrected depending on the situation.

Rule 7: Authenticity Required

Do not misrepresent yourself. Do not use deceptive presentation, bot-like behavior, seller behavior, copied ads, AI-generated dating posts with no personal specificity, or an account pattern that does not match what you are presenting in ISD.

Rule 8: Put Effort Into Your Posts

“DM me,” “message me,” “anyone want to chat,” vague one-liners, physical-description-only posts, and empty replies are not enough.

Rule 11: No Spam, Reposts, or Circumvention

Do not mass-post the same content across communities. Do not import recycled dating ads from other subs. Do not delete and repost to avoid moderation or chase better timing. Do not use alternate accounts to get around removals or bans.

Rule 12: Off-Platform Contact Should Not Be Forced

Do not pressure people to move to Discord, Snapchat, Instagram, WhatsApp, phone numbers, or other platforms.

Rule 13: No Financial Solicitation or Transactional Relationships

Do not ask for money, gifts, purchases, subscriptions, paid content, or transactional relationships.

Rule 14: Moderator Discretion

Not every bad-faith, unsafe, deceptive, spammy, or manipulative behavior can be listed word-for-word. Moderator discretion may be used when behavior clearly undermines ISD’s safety, authenticity, or purpose.

Posting Do’s

Please do:

• Read the rules before posting
• Use the correct flair
• Follow the title format
• Keep everything SFW
• Be honest about what you want
• Put real effort into your introduction
• Write your post for ISD specifically
• Include enough detail for someone to respond meaningfully
• Mention interests, personality, values, or what kind of connection you want
• Respect boundaries
• Accept “no” or no response without pressure

A good ISD post should give people a real sense of who you are and what talking to you might be like.

It does not have to be long. It does not have to be polished. It just needs to feel real.

Posting Don’ts

Please do not:

• Post “DM me,” “message me,” or vague one-liners
• Make posts that are only about looks or physical description
• Copy/paste the same dating ad across multiple communities
• Bring recycled dating posts from other subs into ISD
• Delete and repost because the first post did not get enough attention
• Use ISD for hookups, sexting, kink-seeking, or NSFW solicitation
• Pressure people to move off Reddit quickly
• Ask for money, gifts, subscriptions, purchases, or anything transactional
• Misrepresent your age, gender, location, intent, or account history
• Use alternate accounts to avoid moderation
• Treat ISD like every other dating subreddit

ISD is not meant to be a place where people cast the same message everywhere. Similar personal information is fine. Recycled dating ads are not.

Posts here should feel like they were written for this community.

Comments Need Effort Too

Low-effort comments may be removed even if they are not rude.

Examples of comments that usually do not help:

• “DM me”
• “Hey”
• “Hi”
• “Message me”
• “I’m in Houston”
• “Hmu”
• “Snap?”
• “You’re hot”
• “I’m interested”
• “I can help with that”

A better comment responds to something specific in the person’s post.

If someone says they like a certain game, book, hobby, goal, or conversation style, respond to that. Show that you actually read what they wrote.

ISD works better when people give each other something real to reply to.

Reposts, Crossposts, and Recycled Dating Ads

ISD does not want imported dating ads from other communities.

You can talk about the same life facts. You can have the same interests, same photos, same goals, and same general relationship hopes.

The issue is when the post itself is copied, mass-posted, recycled, or clearly written as a generic dating ad for many communities instead of being written for ISD.

Crossposting is not automatically acceptable just because Reddit has a crosspost feature. Personal connection posts should be written for the community they are posted in.

If your post was already used elsewhere, rewrite it for ISD before posting here.

SFW and Account Pattern

Adult history elsewhere on Reddit is not automatically a ban by itself.

The concern is the broader pattern.

Concern rises when an account shows recent hookup-seeking, sexual solicitation, dirty r4r activity, transactional behavior, seller behavior, or a public pattern that does not match the SFW/genuine intent being presented in ISD.

This is not about shaming anyone. It is about safety, authenticity, and community fit.

ISD is SFW. Keep ISD SFW.

If AutoMod Removes Your Post

If AutoMod removes your post, you should receive an AutoMod removal message.

Reply to the AutoMod message.

That is the best way to ask for review because it gives us the context we need and helps us find the removed post faster.

Do not delete the post and then ask us what happened.

Deleting your post does not help your case.

It removes context, makes review harder, and can make the situation look worse than it needed to. If you delete a removed post, we may not be able to review it properly.

If you think AutoMod made a mistake, reply calmly to the AutoMod message and explain why you believe your post follows the rules.

Modmail Do’s

When contacting modmail, please do:

• Be clear
• Be respectful
• Explain what happened
• Include the post or comment you are asking about
• Reply to the AutoMod message when possible
• Ask for clarification if you are confused
• Send screenshots/evidence privately if you are reporting a safety issue
• Give us time to review

A helpful modmail message looks like this:

>

Clear context helps us review faster and more fairly.

Modmail Don’ts

Please do not:

• Send insults, threats, or harassment
• Spam multiple messages
• Delete the post and then demand a review
• Message individual moderators privately about subreddit moderation
• Demand every internal moderation signal or review method
• Misrepresent rule enforcement as discrimination when the issue is behavior, safety, authenticity, reposting, or community fit
• Argue endlessly after a final decision
• Try to pressure moderators into approving something that does not fit ISD

Modmail is for review, clarification, and safety concerns. It is not for harassment or debate loops.

We will give enough context to be fair, but we will not provide a workaround guide for moderation signals, bot triggers, or internal review methods.

Public Accusations and Safety Reports

Do not make public posts naming another user as a scammer, predator, bot, catfish, or dangerous person.

Those reports need to be handled carefully and privately.

Public callout posts can lead to harassment, false claims, missing context, or privacy issues.

If you have a safety concern, send screenshots or evidence through modmail. We will review it privately and take action if the evidence supports it.

Better Communication Helps Everyone

In posts, tell people who you are, what kind of connection you want, and what kind of person you hope to meet.

In comments, respond to something specific instead of dropping a generic “DM me.”

In modmail, explain the issue clearly and calmly instead of making us guess what happened.

The goal is not perfection.

The goal is genuine effort.

Junior Moderator Applications

We are also considering adding a junior moderator to help with queue review, clear approvals, obvious removals, low-effort content, and flagging suspicious patterns for senior review.

This would be a limited-permission role. It is not a full-authority position.

Bans, appeals, serious safety concerns, minors, scams, privacy issues, complicated authenticity cases, muting, rule changes, and AutoMod/tool changes must be escalated to a senior moderator.

If you are interested, you can apply here:

Junior Mod Application

The application requires sign-in to reduce spam, fake applications, and bad-faith attempts to access the mod team.

Applicants must be 18 or older and should understand ISD’s SFW, adults-only, authenticity-focused purpose.

Applying does not guarantee selection. Moderator access is based on trust, judgment, and community fit.

Thank you to everyone who helps keep r/IntrovertsSafeDating safe, respectful, and genuine.

Welcome to the weekly introduction thread.

This is a lower-pressure place to introduce yourself, meet people, and start conversations without making a full dating post.

You can participate whether you are looking for dating, friendship-first connection, online conversation, or just a gentle way to ease into the community.

# Suggested intro format

Age:

Gender:

Location/time zone:

Looking for:

Open to long-distance?:

Introvert style:

Interests:

Favorite quiet activity:

Conversation starters:

Boundaries:

You do not have to answer every question, but please give people enough to respond to.

# Conversation prompts

Need help starting?

Try answering one of these:

* What is your ideal quiet date?

* What hobby could you talk about for hours?

* Are you more of a homebody, nature person, gamer, reader, artist, or something else?

* What kind of conversation makes you feel comfortable?

* What is something small that makes you feel cared for?

* What are you hoping to find here?

# Reminder

This thread is still SFW.

No NSFW comments, adult promotion, seller behavior, harassment, pressure, or low-effort bait.

Respect people’s stated preferences.

Do not message someone privately unless their comment suggests they are open to it.

Be patient. A slower pace is the point.

Welcome to the weekly introduction thread.

This is a lower-pressure place to introduce yourself, meet people, and start conversations without making a full dating post.

You can participate whether you are looking for dating, friendship-first connection, online conversation, or just a gentle way to ease into the community.

# Suggested intro format

Age:

Gender:

Location/time zone:

Looking for:

Open to long-distance?:

Introvert style:

Interests:

Favorite quiet activity:

Conversation starters:

Boundaries:

You do not have to answer every question, but please give people enough to respond to.

# Conversation prompts

Need help starting?

Try answering one of these:

* What is your ideal quiet date?

* What hobby could you talk about for hours?

* Are you more of a homebody, nature person, gamer, reader, artist, or something else?

* What kind of conversation makes you feel comfortable?

* What is something small that makes you feel cared for?

* What are you hoping to find here?

# Reminder

This thread is still SFW.

No NSFW comments, adult promotion, seller behavior, harassment, pressure, or low-effort bait.

Respect people’s stated preferences.

Do not message someone privately unless their comment suggests they are open to it.

Be patient. A slower pace is the point.

Welcome to the weekly introduction thread.

This is a lower-pressure place to introduce yourself, meet people, and start conversations without making a full dating post.

You can participate whether you are looking for dating, friendship-first connection, online conversation, or just a gentle way to ease into the community.

# Suggested intro format

Age:

Gender:

Location/time zone:

Looking for:

Open to long-distance?:

Introvert style:

Interests:

Favorite quiet activity:

Conversation starters:

Boundaries:

You do not have to answer every question, but please give people enough to respond to.

# Conversation prompts

Need help starting?

Try answering one of these:

* What is your ideal quiet date?

* What hobby could you talk about for hours?

* Are you more of a homebody, nature person, gamer, reader, artist, or something else?

* What kind of conversation makes you feel comfortable?

* What is something small that makes you feel cared for?

* What are you hoping to find here?

# Reminder

This thread is still SFW.

No NSFW comments, adult promotion, seller behavior, harassment, pressure, or low-effort bait.

Respect people’s stated preferences.

Do not message someone privately unless their comment suggests they are open to it.

Be patient. A slower pace is the point.

I’m not pinning this.

I’m not putting a mod label on it.

If this gets buried, it gets buried. I’m saying this as Sage.

And honestly, I’m tired.

Not tired of the community.
Not tired of building for it.
Not tired of trying to protect it.

I’m tired of the way so many people approach it.

Because I say community, and I think a lot of people still see:
“Oh, cool. Another place to drop a dating ad.”

That’s not what I wanted this to be.

This is Introverts Safe Dating.

Introverts. Safe. Dating.

Dating matters here, obviously. I’m not pretending it doesn’t. But I hate that for a lot of people, that’s the only part they see. I honestly wish I could change the name sometimes, because I think the word dating makes people skip past everything else.

This was never meant to be a free-for-all.
It was meant to help people connect.

Introverts are the focus, but anyone who wants real connection is welcome here.

The working definition I use here is simple:

>“An introvert is a person who gains energy from solitude and quiet, and finds highly stimulating environments draining.”

That is not a flaw.
That is not being broken.
That is not “socially defective.”
It just means a lot of people here want depth more than noise.

Some people here are shy.
Some struggle in person.
Some are lonely.
Some are trying again after being hurt.
Some have never really had a space where they felt comfortable being honest.

That matters to me.

And I need people to understand something else too:

I believe in people.

I really do.

Every person who posts here.
Every person who comments here.
Every person who messages me.

My first instinct is not “how do I catch this person doing wrong?”
My first instinct is usually “maybe this person can choose to do good.”

That does not mean I think everyone is harmless.
That does not mean there are no limits.
There are.

This community is not for bots.
It is not for scams.
It is not for predatory behavior.
It is not for people who want to turn vulnerability into something to take advantage of.

But I also want to say this clearly, because I think some people get weird about it:

Having NSFW history does not automatically make someone a bad person to me.

People are complicated.
People have lives outside this subreddit.
People have interests, pasts, and contradictions.

What matters more to me is how you treat people here.

Are you respectful?
Are you genuine?
Are you honest about what you want?
Do you treat people like actual human beings?

That matters more to me than pretending I can sort the whole world into “good” people and “bad” people from a profile glance.

Still, there are lines.
And when someone keeps crossing them, I will act.

That brings me to something else:

This place is not for shallow connection.

In a weird way, all of us here are trying to show people who we are and why we’re worth getting to know.

So no, I do not think “hey” is enough.
No, I do not think “DM me” is enough.
No, I do not think one-line empty replies are enough.

I understand being shy. I really do.

But if someone takes the risk to post something vulnerable here, and your whole response is “hey,” you are putting the entire weight of the connection back on them.

That is not effort.
That is not depth.
That is not kindness.

Give people something real.
A thought.
A question.
A shared interest.
Something that proves you actually saw them.

There’s a line from Castlevania I think about a lot:

>“If you kill us all, you end human cruelty, yes. But you end human kindness, too.”

That line sticks with me because this place only works if I keep believing both things are real.

Cruelty is real.
I’ve seen it.
Bad intentions are real.
I’ve seen that too.

But kindness is real too.
Effort is real.
Surprise is real.
People trying in good faith are real.

And if I stop believing that, then this place becomes nothing but defense, suspicion, and cleanup.

I don’t want that.

I want a real community.

And yes, that means sometimes I remove people permanently.

Not because they disagree with me.
Not because I expect perfection.
Not because I think I’m better than them.

But because at a certain point, someone’s pattern tells me they are making this place less safe, less genuine, and less human for everyone else.

Protecting the room matters.

I also want to say this:

I’ve had help behind the scenes from another mod, and I’m grateful for that. That person has helped me grow, challenged me, and made me better at thinking through this stuff. I’m not saying that for applause. I’m saying it because this community has changed me too.

It’s taught me that keeping people safe is hard.

Not just because there are bad actors.
But because people will say “there’s a problem here” and then never actually give us what we need to respond.

So I need to say this as plainly as I can:

I cannot help people who will not let me help them.

If someone sends you creepy DMs, sexually pushes on you, gets manipulative, gets aggressive, or makes you uncomfortable, and you never tell us, then I do not know.

I cannot see your private messages.
I cannot act on something I never receive.
I cannot investigate a ghost.

If all I get is:
“there are weirdos here”
but no usernames, no screenshots, no report, no modmail,
then I’m swinging at shadows.

And I don’t want to do that.
I want to actually help.

I have removed posts.
I have removed comments.
I have banned users.
I have also tried to teach people when I thought they were ignorant instead of malicious.

But I can only respond to what I know.

So please, report things.
Please send screenshots when something happens in DMs.
Please use modmail.
Please do not assume silence means we don’t care.

I also wish the Discussion, Advice, Question, and Success Story flairs got used more.

I mean that.

Because I don’t want this place to just be a board people throw ads onto and disappear from.
I want people asking for advice.
I want people talking.
I want people learning.
I want people sharing what worked.
I want actual community.

I’m not asking anyone here to be perfect.
I’m not asking anyone to be super confident.
I’m not asking anyone to magically know the right words every time.

I’m asking people to try.

Try to be real.
Try to be kind.
Try to put in the same effort you hope someone gives back to you.

That is what I want this place to be.

Not just another dating subreddit.

A community.

Poll: Should we add optional user flairs?

While reading through the feedback on my recent post asking what features everyone would like to see, one suggestion that caught my attention was optional user flairs.

The idea isn't finalized by any means, so before I spend time building anything, I'd rather ask the community what you actually want.

Here are a few ideas I've been considering:

- 🌍 Broad location (Europe, North America, Asia, etc.)

- 🎯 Intent (Dating, Friendship, Conversation, Gaming, etc.)

- 🎮 Hobbies & Interests (Gaming, Reading, Music, Art, etc.)

- 💬 DM Preferences (DMs Open, Comment First, etc.)

- 🚫 I'd rather not have user flairs.

A couple of notes:

- These would be completely optional.

- I'm not considering exact locations or anything that would compromise someone's privacy.

- The goal would be to make it a little easier for people to find common ground and start conversations—not to turn ISD into a dating app with labels everywhere.

The poll only allows one vote, so pick the option you think would add the most value.

As always, if you have an idea that isn't listed, I'd love to hear it in the comments.

View Poll

A quick look behind the scenes

Most members only see the posts and comments that make it through.

What you usually do not see is everything that gets filtered, removed, reviewed, or stopped before it reaches the community.

Over the last 30 days, this subreddit has had:

• 936 posts/comments published
• 575 posts/comments removed**
• 38 items filtered by Reddit safety filters
• 156 posts removed
• 4 reported items

I am sharing this because I want the community to understand two things:

1. Moderation is active here.
2. Low-effort behavior is not accepted here.

Bots, scams, NSFW content, spam, suspicious links, low-effort comments, and rule-breaking posts are not being ignored. A lot of it simply gets handled before most members ever see it.

Low effort is still low effort

This is an introvert-focused community. We understand shyness. We understand nervousness. We understand that not everyone knows how to start a conversation easily.

But comments like:

• “hi”
• “hey”
• “DM me”
• “can I DM?”
• “message me”
• “your DMs don’t work, DM me”
• “add my Discord/Snap/Instagram”

are usually not real conversation.

If someone took the time to write a post about themselves, they deserve more than a drive-by comment. You do not have to write a perfect message, but you do need to show basic effort.

A better comment could be as simple as:

>Hey, I liked what you said about gaming and horror movies. I’m also into those. What have you been playing lately?

That is not complicated. It is just human.

Moving off Reddit too quickly is a red flag

This does not mean people can never exchange Discord, Instagram, Snapchat, or other contact information.

If two people have already started talking and naturally decide to move elsewhere, that is their choice.

What we do not want is people immediately trying to pull others off Reddit before any real conversation has happened.

That behavior is common with scammers, bots, NSFW accounts, and people who are not here in good faith.

So if your entire comment is basically “add me somewhere else,” do not be surprised if it gets removed.

“DM me” is not always bad

Context matters.

If someone writes a thoughtful post and ends with “DMs open,” that is usually fine.

If someone writes a thoughtful comment and says “feel free to DM me if you want to talk more,” that can be fine too.

The problem is when “DM me” is the whole interaction.

There is a big difference between inviting conversation and avoiding conversation.

AutoModerator is intentionally cautious

AutoModerator is not perfect.

Sometimes it catches exactly what it should. Sometimes it misses something. Sometimes it filters something innocent because it matched a pattern commonly used by bad actors.

That can be frustrating, but it is intentional.

I would rather manually approve a genuine post than leave harmful content visible for everyone else.

The goal is not to remove as much as possible. The goal is to keep the community comfortable enough that genuine people can post, comment, and connect without constantly running into bots, scams, NSFW spam, harassment, or lazy copy-paste behavior.

If your post or comment is removed

If you believe something was removed by mistake, send Modmail.

Please do not repeatedly repost the same thing. That can make your account look like spam or rule-circumvention, even if that was not your intention.

A simple message is enough:

>Hi, I think my post/comment may have been removed by mistake. Could someone review it?

If you are here in good faith, we would much rather help fix the issue than push you away.

What this community is trying to be

This subreddit is not meant to be a low-effort DM farm.

It is not meant to be a place where people spam the same message everywhere and hope someone responds.

It is not meant to be a place where users are treated like profiles to collect.

The goal is genuine connection: dating, friendship, conversation, shared interests, support, and community.

You do not have to be perfect. You do not have to be the most confident person here. You do not have to write a novel.

But you do need to be respectful, genuine, and willing to put in basic effort.

Thank you to everyone who posts thoughtfully, comments respectfully, reports suspicious behavior, and helps keep this community different from the usual dating/friendship spaces online.

You may not always see the moderation happening, but it is happening.

One of my goals is for this community to be more than just a place to post introductions. I want it to be a place that genuinely feels welcoming, safe, and shaped by the people who use it.

With that in mind, I'd love to hear your ideas.

Are there any features, flairs, events, or changes you'd like to see added to the community?

Some ideas I've been thinking about:

• 🎮 A Gamer flair for people looking for gaming buddies or gaming-focused connections.
• 🏷️ User flairs (favorite hobbies, interests, countries, personality types, etc.).
• 💬 Weekly discussion threads to help people get to know one another.
• ❓ Community Q&A or advice threads.
• 🎉 Community events or game nights.
• 📚 Book, movie, anime, or hobby recommendation threads.
• 🤝 Better ways to help new members feel welcome.
• 🛡️ Additional safety features or moderation improvements.

These are just examples—please don't feel limited by them. If you have an idea, no matter how big or small, I'd genuinely love to hear it.

I've been making a lot of changes recently based on community feedback, and I'd like that to continue. This community belongs to all of us, so your ideas really do matter.

Looking forward to reading your suggestions!

Welcome to the weekly introduction thread.

This is a lower-pressure place to introduce yourself, meet people, and start conversations without making a full dating post.

You can participate whether you are looking for dating, friendship-first connection, online conversation, or just a gentle way to ease into the community.

# Suggested intro format

Age:

Gender:

Location/time zone:

Looking for:

Open to long-distance?:

Introvert style:

Interests:

Favorite quiet activity:

Conversation starters:

Boundaries:

You do not have to answer every question, but please give people enough to respond to.

# Conversation prompts

Need help starting?

Try answering one of these:

* What is your ideal quiet date?

* What hobby could you talk about for hours?

* Are you more of a homebody, nature person, gamer, reader, artist, or something else?

* What kind of conversation makes you feel comfortable?

* What is something small that makes you feel cared for?

* What are you hoping to find here?

# Reminder

This thread is still SFW.

No NSFW comments, adult promotion, seller behavior, harassment, pressure, or low-effort bait.

Respect people’s stated preferences.

Do not message someone privately unless their comment suggests they are open to it.

Be patient. A slower pace is the point.

As r/IntrovertsSafeDating continues to grow, moderation has to grow with it. When this community first started, things were much easier to handle manually. I could look through most posts myself, approve genuine ones, remove obvious spam, and respond to issues as they came up. But as more people join, that approach is not enough on its own anymore. With growth comes more genuine users, which is amazing. But it also brings more bots, spam, low-effort posts, suspicious accounts, NSFW promotion, scams, and people trying to bypass the purpose of the community. Because of that, I’ve updated both the subreddit rules and AutoModerator. The goal is not to punish genuine users. The goal is to protect them.

What is changing? The rules have been cleaned up and expanded to better reflect what this community is supposed to be: A SFW introvert community where people can look for dating, friendship, discussion, advice, and genuine connection without being overwhelmed by spam, bots, scams, or bad-faith users. Some of the biggest changes involve:

• Clearer expectations for dating and friendship posts
• Stronger SFW rules
• Better protection against bots, sellers, scammers, and mass posters
• Stronger rules around authenticity and catfishing
• Clearer rules against low-effort posts
• Better handling of off-platform solicitation
• More flexibility for discussion, question, advice, and success story posts Different flairs now have different expectations. Dating Post, Online Only, Friendship First, and Local Dating posts still need basic information so users know who they are talking to and what kind of connection is being sought. Discussion, Question, Safety / Advice, Success Story, and Weekly Thread posts do not need to follow dating-post formatting, because they are not personal ads. However, those flairs also cannot be used to bypass dating-post requirements.

---

AutoModerator has also been updated. AutoModerator will now do more to catch obvious spam, NSFW content, suspicious off-platform behavior, very new accounts, low-effort submissions, and posts that may be using the wrong flair. Some posts or comments may be held for review before appearing publicly. That does not automatically mean you did something wrong. It just means the system wants a moderator to take a closer look. If your post is genuine and follows the rules, it may still be approved manually.

Why these changes are necessary Rules exist to protect genuine users, not to punish them. A community like this depends on trust. People need to feel like they can post without being immediately buried under spam, targeted by sellers, pressured into uncomfortable conversations, or misled by people acting in bad faith. That does not mean moderation will be perfect. AutoModerator can make mistakes. Human moderators can make mistakes too. But doing nothing is not an option if the goal is to keep this place healthy as it grows.

If your post gets removed or held Please do not panic. Read the rules, check the title/posting format, and make sure you used the correct flair. If you believe something was removed by mistake, send Modmail and it can be reviewed. Please do not keep reposting the same thing repeatedly, because that may make it look like spam or rule-circumvention.

What will not change This community is still meant to be welcoming. You do not have to be perfect. You do not have to write a novel. You do not have to be the most confident person in the room. Introverts are allowed to be quiet, awkward, nervous, uncertain, or new to posting. The expectation is not perfection. The expectation is effort, honesty, respect, and basic care for the people around you.

Final note My goal has never been to create the biggest dating subreddit. My goal is to help build a community where introverts can feel comfortable posting, talking, asking questions, seeking connection, or simply existing without constantly worrying about bots, scams, spam, or bad-faith users. These changes are another step toward that. Thank you to everyone who has helped this community grow, reported suspicious content, given feedback, posted genuinely, commented respectfully, or simply stayed present. Even if you mostly lurk, you are still part of the community. — Your moderator

I wanted to apologize for the recent delays in post approvals, removals, and moderation responses.

Over roughly the past week to week and a half, I came down with COVID and needed to focus on recovering. Because of that, moderation activity was slower than normal, and some posts remained in the queue longer than they should have.

Thankfully, I’m doing much better now.

Over the next couple of days, I’ll be working through the backlog, reviewing pending posts, responding to modmail, and making sure everything is caught up.

I appreciate everyone’s patience while I was away, and I also want to thank everyone who continued reporting rule-breaking content and helping keep the community safe.

As always, if you have concerns about a post or user, please use the report function or send a modmail.

Thank you for your patience and understanding.

— Your moderator

Welcome to the weekly introduction thread.

This is a lower-pressure place to introduce yourself, meet people, and start conversations without making a full dating post.

You can participate whether you are looking for dating, friendship-first connection, online conversation, or just a gentle way to ease into the community.

# Suggested intro format

Age:

Gender:

Location/time zone:

Looking for:

Open to long-distance?:

Introvert style:

Interests:

Favorite quiet activity:

Conversation starters:

Boundaries:

You do not have to answer every question, but please give people enough to respond to.

# Conversation prompts

Need help starting?

Try answering one of these:

* What is your ideal quiet date?

* What hobby could you talk about for hours?

* Are you more of a homebody, nature person, gamer, reader, artist, or something else?

* What kind of conversation makes you feel comfortable?

* What is something small that makes you feel cared for?

* What are you hoping to find here?

# Reminder

This thread is still SFW.

No NSFW comments, adult promotion, seller behavior, harassment, pressure, or low-effort bait.

Respect people’s stated preferences.

Do not message someone privately unless their comment suggests they are open to it.

Be patient. A slower pace is the point.