[19F] Frustrated with the "kink scene" here. Why do so many guys confuse a genuine submissive mindset with just being horny?
Hey everyone,
I just really need to vent and get some perspective, because I am incredibly exhausted and frustrated.
I’m a 19-year-old dominant woman. Over time, I’ve encountered a lot of guys who claim they want to submit, but virtually all of them turn out to be completely creepy and selfish. They only text me the exact second they feel horny, demand my energy, and then completely disappear or ghost the moment they’re done.
It leaves me feeling totally unsatisfied, empty, and honestly used. It doesn’t feel like a respectful D/s (Dominant/submissive) dynamic at all—it feels like I’m just being treated as their unpaid, personal "jerk instructor" for a quick fix.
Real submission requires respect, restraint, communication, and an understanding of boundaries. I’ve spoken to international subs who actually get the lifestyle and know how to treat a Domme with respect, so I know what a healthy dynamic is supposed to look like. But here, it feels like the BDSM community is incredibly down, and "submission" is just used as a low-effort excuse for creepy sexting.
Why is the mindset so backward here? Has anyone else—especially dominant women—experienced this exact same exhaustion? How do you even handle the frustration of dealing with people who have zero understanding of actual kink etiquette?
(Note: This is a vent, NOT an invitation. Creepy DMs or horny messages will be blocked and reported instantly without a reply.)