family and bulimia
Hello everyone. Today, one of the worst situations in my life happened. I have been suffering from nervous bulimia for 8 months now, and today my family found out about it. My family is religious and I would say quite large (I have 4 older brothers, I am the youngest child in the family). My family is very skeptical about psychotherapy and, in principle, about psychological problems. Every time I tried to share my inner experiences, they began to shame me and say that I have no reason for the development of a depressive state and that I am playing the victim. Talking about bulimia was just really scary. Today the truth came out when my mother went to the toilet and saw the remains of food. And of course, they immediately began to interrogate me. I thought that there was nothing to lose, I told everything as it was. In the end, the horror began. First, my mother started yelling at me, saying that it was terrible for my health and my stomach (I don’t want to say anything here, she absolutely rights). Then my older brother joined in and also started yelling at me, but this time about me being a liar and betraying everyone's trust. There wasn't even the slightest note of compassion in his words, only about what a scumbag I was for deceiving everyone all this time and how disgusting it was for him to talk to me now. I understand that lying is bad, but I was just really scared to talk about it. It all came down to a really big fight, my brothers said many times that I was behaving disgustingly and how disappointed they were in me... Mom agrees with them (Dad wasn't home at the time, but he will 100% take their side). They took my phone away, so I'm writing from my laptop. I was accused of betraying their trust, but I was just scared, because if I had told them about it voluntarily, they would have severely bullied me (which is basically what happened and it confirmed my fears). Now almost no one is with me My family wants to talk to me, or even see me, but they think I'm a lying scumbag. I understand that my actions were destructive, but do I really not deserve at least a drop of sympathy? Why can't I get even a drop of sympathy from my own family? They only yell and accuse me of being stupid for getting such a disease. And bulimia really torments me. At times, I simply lose control and binge, after which I'm overcome with terrible panic. It's terrible. I really want to eat well, but I constantly think about food. I've reached a point where nothing brings me joy except food, and it's terrible. I feel guilty, but I feel like I was treated rather cruelly. (Sorry, English isn't my main language, so there may be errors in the text.)