[AFAB 20] What's the difference between "I want to be a boy" and "I am a boy?"
All in the title really. I went about 17 years of my life comfortably living as a girl. In high school, I started thinking kind of obsessively about what my life would be like as a guy. Not in a male privilege, penis-envy way either—I conceived an entire other self in my head that I still sometimes want to embody to this day. He's like a mental persona, kind of separate to myself but not really.
Anyway, the point is I really enjoy androgyny and suspect that I might be nonbinary or on the transmasculine side, but I'm aware that my experience is way different to what most trans guys and nonbinary people go through (I was surrounded by trans friends as a teenager), so I don't really know. Is there a distinction between being trans and just wishing to be someone I'm not?
Does that even make sense? Does it sound like I'm overthinking it? lol
Thank you.