Thinking about how we are taught to dislike outspoken women
Apologies for the long post, I can't stop thinking about this and decided to put it in writing.
Back in school, there was this girl. She was a few years older than me, and I disliked her for no particular reason.
I was shy around people I didn't know very well, and always tried my best not to be noticed. She was the opposite.
Every single school activity, volunteering, student board meetings, sports, talent shows, she was there. Everyone at school knew who she was, but I don't recall ever seeing her hanging out with friends. She was talkative and would interact with people who happened to be doing the same activity as her, but looking back, I don't think she was particularly liked by anyone. She wasn't friendly, she was stubborn and always spoke her mind, sometimes, in my opinion, rather harshly.
But she wasn't my classmate and while I knew about her, I was young and honestly didn't care enough to interpret why I, or anyone else for that matter, disliked her.
One particular instance that I remember was a picture of herself she posted on Facebook. She was wearing a skirt and you could see she hadn't shaved her legs. A classmate of hers, male, commented something stupid telling her to shave and she went off on him with a massive wall of text in response. I don't remember what she said, but little me thought it was completely out of line and rude of her to "attack him" that way (stupid, I know). My reasoning was, if people already don't like you, don't make it worse by offending them.
Years later, when I was in my last year of high school and she had already graduated, I saw her in line at a concert, she was with her boyfriend and looked very much in love with him.
My stupid brain was shocked she had actually found a boyfriend, but then rationalized it by thinking he was ugly and that was probably why he "put up with her".
After that day, years passed, I moved away, matured (thankfully) and today Instagram showed me her profile in the "people you may know" section. Curious, I clicked on it and all the memories from me disliking her in school came back.
She looks like a woman now, not like the kid I knew back in school. I suppose I do, too.
We are both artists, we both have mostly pet pictures on our profiles, and we both don't post much.
Looking back, she was always true to herself, she spoke her mind and did not put up with anyone's bullshit. I guess being outspoken made her seem abrasive and harsh to me.
That girl was not my friend, not my classmate, I should have been ambivalent towards her, but apparently somewhere along the line I learned that women who behaved like her were annoying and rude, that she should have diminished herself to be likeable.
Her latest Instagram post is from about a year and a half ago, she had moved in with her boyfriend to their first house, and the caption was "After hours of moving boxes in the rain, we can finally say we own this place! Life is good" , and truly, from the bottom of my heart, I hope it continues to be good for her for many years to come.