I feel like my ex was trying to program me
Im still in the early hours of a breakup, so I need this, happy this sub exists.
My ex of 8 months, I feel like they were trying to program me. Everything was always too hot or too cold: how much I spoke, my affection. Unless it was something solely beneficial to them, then I wasnt ever doing enough.
Although they didn't attend therapy, I was always being told to seek more and more mental healthcare when I would have emotions/cry when upset. My communication was subpar but also needed to be as brief as possible. Meanwhile theres infinite attention for podcasts and video games.
I didnt always handle myself perfectly and I would shut down after being shown that logical communication was of no import, and they would always be there with the gavel ready to ram it up my ass that I was "stonewalling" while they married "criticism, contempt, and defensiveness" in a polygamist rhombus
I needed to respond immediately or they would get impatient that I needed time to think or process. They would take time wanting to communicate something, but not knowing how to say it, and acknowledge that aloud, then be upset and concerned when I needed significantly less time to process what they said
I feel like they wanted a computer, and that they have a giant mirror they only ever see the back of.