u/Savings_District_437

I feel so grateful. I left 2 months ago after being choked and smothered on vacation. It was the most violent he had ever been and I was totally in shock for a few days. I flew home early after another verbally abusive fight and moved out immediately but had to stay in contact for about 1 more month regarding leftover belongings of mine.

I knew I wanted to start pursuing the legal process even if it didn’t get me anywhere, just to know that I tried.

In the court room I was shaking and had tears streaming down my face the whole time but kept my composure otherwise. I couldn’t even look at my ex. It was awful to be in the same room as him in a court situation. I never thought we’d be here. And even after all he did and how much of my trust he broke I still love him and think of the times he was kind.

He had an attorney and I didn’t. The judge was a man. My ex had been relatively cordial since I left and hadn’t contacted me in weeks. I really thought I had all the odds stacked against me. But they believed me and I had it granted. The things that helped my case was that I left immediately, denied getting back together, and that since leaving I’ve made two police reports regarding the violent abuse on vacation.

One thing that was so disturbing was a friend of his I’d reached out to regarding the abuse (I wanted someone close to him to know) was there to support him. She’d also apparently been watching my Instagram for any evidence that could be used against me. Thankfully there was none. While I was hurt by that, this whole situation has really showed me who is trustworthy and who isn’t.

I am waiting to hear about two more potential court cases, so in some way this is the beginning. But having this is one sigh of relief, I can exhale a bit as I rebuild my life.

Hey everybody. I left a four year abusive relationship mid April. I left a couple days after an incident where he bashed my head into his car window, smothered me, and choked me. I flew home early from our vacation after continued verbal abuse. I had to cooperate with him for a while on getting my belongings, so was still in touch for a few weeks after that.

After spending weeks begging for me back, trying to send me money, and asking me to marry him, he suddenly flipped the switch once he realized I wasn’t coming back. He was trying to accuse me of stalking and controlling him by leaving belongings behind at his house. This is not true, I was only trying to get the things I left behind after living with him for three years. It took me 4-5 times after the initial move out to get all of my things. He also made it difficult for me to get my belongings at several points.

He finally said he wanted nothing to do with me anymore, but afterward he showed up at a bar where my friends were at and he also responded to a party that I was going to be at and said he was going to come to that too. I emailed him asking him not to come, and he changed his response. He did not show up.

Despite that it seems he might be respecting my wishes, due to the extreme emotional volatility I experienced for years I have decided to pursue a protective order. I have a hearing next Monday and I’ve just been informed that he has an attorney.

I am trying to prepare myself emotionally for being cross-examined. I almost cried whenever the magistrate was questioning me for my emergency protective order and denied it, because I hadn’t been injured within the week of talking to the magistrate. I wanted to wait to get the order because I still needed to coordinate with my ex. However I did get a preliminary protective order by going to court last week (about 1.5 month after the abuse incident, and within 2 weeks of zero contact with my ex).

My ex has an attorney. I don’t have an attorney and I can’t afford one. There are definitely moments in which I was imperfect in the relationship and put hands on him, but they always came after periods of him verbally and physically intimidating me. I was never like this in any other relationship, never even yelled or “fought”. Only had discussions.

I have evidence of injuries from the night that he choked and smother me, but none of them are on my neck. Mostly bruises on limbs and dried blood on my ear. I also made two police reports with each jurisdiction that the physical incidents happened in last week. I plan on including all of that in my evidence.

I’m wondering if anybody has ever been through this and can offer any advice? I’ve already asked for victim advocate to be there with me, but nowhere is offering free legal services anymore. I really do want to try to get this order confirmed. My ex has guns and found out where I lived by going through my bank statements and I just don’t trust him.