u/Scared-Month-912

So I’ve been with this girl for a year now. She’s English/ Iranian and I’m black American. I played football in Spain and I met her on a train when she was visiting on vacation. I seen her again on a night out and we exchanged contacts. That’s how we met. At the end of the season I decided to go to England and visit her. I went to visit her and I decided I wanted to stay there with her. I loved her so much in such a short amount of time. Her and her parents agreed I can try to do school in England to get a visa but I needed my parents to show a bank statement to do so. My parents never meeting her was dead against it. They wouldn’t let me go. I wasn’t okay with that. I told her and her parents my situation and we agreed that the only way for me to come was for me to just leave. Her parents got me a plan ticket and I left my family behind. The problem was I had no visa so I had to stay in ETA. We were looking for ways for me to earn a visa in a different way since her parents couldn’t afford to pay for my schooling. And married was the only option. I ended up staying for almost a year and I didn’t like England compared to America but I had my girlfriend so it was doable. we made a plan that would get a visa in America through marriage. When I came back to America my family picked me up and I was honest and told them my plan to be with her and marry her. They were dead against it but realized I could just leave again anyway so they had the attitude of letting me learn. I felt the disappointment from my parents and it killed me. I would tell my girlfriend and her family and I could see it hurt them to see me so heart broken. Eventually I decided not to go through with the visa since it would damage the relationship with my family and I didn’t want that to happen. My girlfriend and her family weren’t happy about that and my girlfriend was very heartbroken she expressed she felt betrayed. Because of trump’s admission and the war in Iran she wasn’t allowed to visit because she has an Iranian passport. I could tell she was losing interest in me because of my decision but I promised her once I got my money up and I can figure out what career path I will go down I will visit her first thing. That could take months. Because of the stress and disagreement about my next step it caused bad arguments and we went on breaks a few times. She recently told me she wants to go on a break for months as the relationship was bad for her mental health and that she wanted to get her career in order. It hurt me but I told her to take as long as she needed. But. She was saying that she felt like she needed to have “conversations” with other men to see how it made her feel and to confirm if I was the one for her. I never cheated on my girlfriend nor felt attraction to other women so this freaked me out. I told her I wasn’t going to do that and I was going to wait for her. She told me I should also speak to others and when she was ready to come back she would tell me where our future lies. Again this freaked me out and I begged her over the phone not to leave me. I even took pills trying to kill myself. Because I did that she said she thinks I should move on with my life. I called her begging her not to cut me off completely. She told me to give her some space and time to decide what she wanted. She removed me from her social medias. I’ve been talking to her mom on WhatsApp and her mom is saying she doesn’t want us to break up. I told her mom I will lower my self respect and come back to England if I had to to win her back. Knowing this will delete my relationship with my own family. I told her I can’t live without her daughter because of all the memories and time we all spent together. She told me I was like an adopted son to her and her husband and that she wants nothing more than for her to decide not to cut me off. I don’t know guys I can feel myself going into a depression and I haven’t ate in days. I thought I could get advice from you all if you read this far thank you.