I feel guilty about getting older and not having fun
I'm 15(f) and I only have one friend. During the school year I'll have a few people I talk to, but we only talk in school. I'm a straight female but at the beginning of the year I had a girlfriend. We kissed occasionally but I broke it off when I felt too uncomfortable with the relationship. aI only agreed to date her because I enjoyed being friends, (For context, we were on and off friends and randomly after a year of not talking she messaged me saying she missed me and wanted to be friends again.) and wasn't sure of my sexuality. So, I haven't had a boyfriend or even been friends with a straight guy in multiple years. I feel like I'm behind in my social life. All my other friends have at least one group of people they can hang out with but I just have that one person. Me and this person have been friends for around 8 years, so she's almost like family to me.
In middle school, I had way more fun than now. Now that I'm in high school, I feel like all that's changed is I feel more excluded from others. I've lost countless friends during middle and now high school. I feel like I'm slowly losing the things that are important to me.
Along with this, I don't enjoy doing anything. I don't enjoy watching shows, playing games, or whatever other hobbies. I have bad habits of reading and watching things that are morbid or "edgy". I just feel like a bad person and I'm scared of getting older and not getting any better. Does anyone have any advice on improving or enjoying my teenage years?