I hate having to constantly be aware of my mood
I'm lucky. I'm pretty damn stable. I've been on the same cocktail of meds for over five years, my bad habits have been curbed, and I don't get big ups or big downs. I do still have ups and downs but the ups are more enjoyable than scary and the downs still suck but I can get out of bed.
I'm as close to hypomanic as I get right now and I can't enjoy it because I'm aware of it. I'm aware of the depression swing that happens next and even though my logical brain knows it won't be as bad as it used to be, it's terrifying. Because what if it is. I'm also aware that I could very easily trend up in a bad way. I avoid stores. Do everything I can to stay away from online shopping temptations. Even though I know I have a handle on it.
TL;DR I just want to enjoy having some extra energy without the fear.