He's not a bad guy...
When i was a teenager there was this guy. Everyone told me to stay away from him. He's bad news. ALL of his friends and family told me he was a horrible piece of shit who would never go anywhere in life. Stay away from him they told me. All he's going to do is cause trouble. He's no good. Being the kind of person that I am, I chose to not see any of it. I was determined to prove them wrong. Hes not a bad guy.
I know it. I mean, sure, I had a bit of police interaction and got into a bit of trouble but it wasnt his fault. I stopped going to school. Hard to go with a massive hangover every morning. Not because of him though. I mean, sure, I was with him. That was my choice. He introduced me to drugs I had never even heard of and I loved them. To say that that possibly changed the entire course of my life is an understatement. Once again, my own choice. He left. Can't remember why or where. They're wrong about him though. He's not a bad guy.
Misunderstood maybe. A few years pass, and he pops back into my life. Once again, his "besty"s tell me to stay away from him. He's trouble. But I know better. Then he robs me. I get shit faced and kick my own door in. One of his bestys comes and helps me clean up my mess and tells me that he hopes I learned my lesson. But he doesn't know him like I do. He's going to make things right so he picks me up and promises he's gonna pay me back. I just gotta come with him and let him make it up to me. That ends with a 27 month sentence. Not his fault though. Totally my own. He's not a bad guy.
He helps out my family. Next thing I know, the family member I was closest to becomes someone I no longer recognize. He was once someone I thought would always protect me. He changes Does things out of character. Things that hurt me. He's no longer in my life. Still not his fault. I know that none of this is because of him. We all make our own choices. He's not a bad guy.
Years go by. He starts calling again. Starts telling me how much he misses me and how I've been on his mind. He loves the person I've become and would never do me wrong. Then I end up trusting him again. He takes me for $600. I let him do it. I mean, who can blame him really? He's locked up and really doesn't have any other options. Not like he put a gun to my head. I was the one who chose to trust him even I knew better. He's really not a bad guy.
But I do choose to tell him to leave me alone finally. I beg him to leave me alone and stop answering his phone calls completely. Once again, life goes on for a few more years. Then, like clock work, he's back. Getting out and hasnt been able to stop thinking about me. Sends me $25 of the 600 he swindled me for as a show of good faith and a heartfelt apology. I cave. He spends the next 6 months proving to me that he's not a bad guy.
I'm so hell bent on proving to everyone that I wasn't wrong when I was a teenager, that I fall for every bit of the manipulation. For the most part at least. Right away he asks me to come sign on a loan for him. $5000 for school. The paperwork I get says $25000 for 4 years of school. But that was an accident and he doesn't know why it says that. So he sends me new loan papers that say 5000. I fill them out. Just not with correct info of course... Not that I thought he'd screw me over. He's not a bad guy.
I say yes when he asks me to marry him. I also tell one of my best friends who happens to be my ex that Im gonna need him to be on stand by to object if it ever makes it to the altar... Still has only ever paid me back 25 of the 600 btw ... He sells me a dream where I finally get to prove to everyone I wasn't wrong because we're gonna get married and live happily ever after because he's not a bad guy.
Breaks up with me in a text message the day before Christmas. Maybe I deserved it for doubting him. Maybe I manifested the outcome due to my inability to fully trust him. Or maybe, just maybe, every single person who has warned me - his closest friends, his childhood friends, his brothers, even his dang mom, MANY police officers and probation officers, lawyers, and guards at the jail as well as all of my friends and family - were not so wrong. Maybe he's just a bad guy....
Ever since I was 13 years old, Ive had this fantasy about how he's not as bad as everyone thinks he is. He couldn't possibly be. Somewhere in there is a genuine guy who's only human. I loved him. But I should have left it a fantasy. Kept my childhood dreams of him as they were. Reality sux... I spent almost 30 years loving someone who never really existed anywhere but in my head. I never loved the guy who did all that shit to me. I loved the guy I thought the bad guy was a cover for. It's like Scooby Doo when they try to pull the mask off the villain and it's not a mask at all. They are exactly what everyone said they were. No mask. Just an actual monster. A bad guy....