u/ScienceGamer06

Hi everyone, I'm writing this because I'm little worried of my skills of a new aircraft mechanic.

I graduate later this week and will go to take my airframe writtens and O&Ps in September. I already have my powerplant.

For awhile now, I've been feeling worried about my abilities as a mechanic. Before I started attending this tradeschool I didn't have any mechanical skills, or really many troubleshooting skills. Even now I feel they are incredibly rusty.

I primarily passed my tests by memorizing the 8083 books and prepware, but feel I still know very little. For example, I can tell you how a dry sump oil system works and the different components, but if you told me to tell which component was which and what's wrong with it, I would struggle.

My school has offered to allow me to come by after I graduate and practice on their equipment which I'm thankful for. But I don't know if it's enough.

I guess what I'm asking is, is this type of anxiety normal for new mechanics? Do you begin to understand how to diagnose these systems better with actual work experience? I don't want to be that guy at work who knows and does nothing which is why I ask.

Any advice is appreciated.

Hi everyone, I'm here cause I just wanted to vent about some things and maybe get some feedback as I feel I really can't share what I'm feeling with my friends or family.

To start with some backstory, I'm 19 (20 in August) I'm currently going to an aircraft maintenance tradeschool and I'm nearly finished and will soon get my license to work on aircraft. I've already applied to some airlines and manufacturing companies and have some interviews scheduled. And while there is a piece of me that is very excited (I know my family is, as I'll be the first of the kids to get done with all my schooling done) another piece of me that has been quiet for years now is finally starting to come back and it's got me feeling negative again.

I originally grew up in NC, but moved states because of a family reason with I was 15. My parents are divorced and have been for a long time. Since I'm autistic as well, and thanks to my family I was able to go to school for autistic children through my middle school years. Then after that I went to a private Christian school, although my family wasn't religious at the time, it was more to actually get me in school full-time during the lockdown, as the school had special permission from the state government to continue normal education if we took certain precautions.

In both these schools (and my elementary school years) while my autism did hinder my abilities to pick up on social queues that sometimes made me sound like a d*ck, I was still able to make friends and be on good terms with my peers. I feel one of the things for these were both these schools were small enough that each of the class periods, you would still see a good chunk of the same classmates. So for someone like me with my autism it did help with bonding with my peers.

Up to this point, besides my family life, I was a fairly normal kid. While I was introverted, autistic, and didn't understand social queues very well, I still had friends, made good grades, I even had a little high-school crush on this girl and we had gone a few dates, though it went nowhere as we were both not we were looking for.

But all that changed in February of 2022. After some things that happened in my family life. My mom, my little sister, and I moved up north to help my aunt and uncle after my aunt suffered an injury that temporarily made her unable to walk. My mom asked if I wanted to move, and not wanting to disappoint my mom and feeling I still could make friends again, I hesitately agreed.

I went from while a small private Christian school with a dress code and my classmates being generally kind red-necks in rural NC. To a public high-school in the north with over 2,000 students and BLM posters and LGBTQ flags in half the classrooms. To say it was a culture shock would be putting it lightly.

Because of how many students there were. It was a rarity if I saw another student in two of my classes, and since that was the only way I had made friends, as well my other schools not really having clubs, I never developed the skills to make friends any other way.

Another factor was simply put... I didn't feel welcome. Everytime I did try to spark up a conversation they would glare at me, anytime I got something wrong, it felt like somebody yelled at me and wanted to fight me. This isolation eventually let to me crying on the stairs of the building with hundreds of students passing me until one would say "hey you ok?" But they would never actually care. They would just guide me to the school counselors who say some dumb bullsh*t that meant nothing and shove me out.

Eventually I got fed up and tried looking for people online, which is when I met her. I met this girl overseas and we hit it off, becoming friends and eventually a long-distance couple. While it didn't last that long, I do consider our time together to be some of the greatest times in my life. She was the only woman I've ever heard say she loved me, always checked on me during school, the only one I felt comfortable crying in front of, and made me feel a true drive to improve myself to keep her happy, the only time I felt such a thing. I always remember the cute virtual dates we went on, her beautiful blue sundress, how she blushed when I said I loved her, how we would blow each other kisses before we logged off.

While in hindsight, it would've never worked out, she had a lot of mental problems and we were an ocean apart and years from ever seeing each other. It didn't stop how absolutely painful the breakup was.

Due to her family and mental state, she ended up in the hospital without warning and pretty much left after a quick conversation. I didn't want to accept it, I wouldn't. I was denial of the breakup for months, saying she'll come back and we'll be back to together. But after half a year it finally set in, she was gone, and I was alone again.

Due to a bunch of over things. In my senior year, I ended up in a mental hospital for a few days, when I returned, nobody cared, didn't even ask where I went. My graduation I spent crying because it didn't feel like a celebration, none of my peers wanted to celebrate with me, my parents were arguing about who I see after the event. I was at my lowest point.

During my senior year I learned of this aviation maintenance school and decided that was what I was going to do. It was on the other, more rural side of the state, with people more similar to those back home in NC.

Finally we are now to the present. After moving here, while I've never been able to make true friends, my fellow students here in this tradeschool at least are much kinder, I'm able to learn most of their names and have hanged out with a few outside school. I started a Twitter account and found a small space community where we all get way too hyped up over Starship launches. Finally, in this little group I made a little friend group once again. After a long time I finally found Christ and became a Christian, attending a small church where the pastor and this group of older folk took me in. While there have been hiccups these past 2 years, I'm on the raise.

But the one thing I haven't been able to obtain is a girlfriend. It's perhaps the thing I want the most. And the one thing I'm most upset about. Anytime I've brought up wanting a relationship to my parents or anyone else in my family they play it down. I talk about how I want a girl that Her again and always say "you'll find someone like her again" or at worse "you still haven't gotten over here yet?" That one really pisses me off because I have moved on, I feel they are initially avoiding the topic, saying stuff like "If you did find a girl there, you'd have to move anyways, it wouldn't help you at all and leave you heartbroken." I'll work at an airline. I get free flight benefits, I can go see her wherever she is whenever I want.

My church hasn't been helpful either, while I didn't start going to get a girlfriend. All the girls there my agealready have boyfriends or are engaged/married, which good for them, but I'm still looking. The old lady I sit with even says stuff like "oh you should stay single" I know she was likely joking with that comment but it still nevertheless hurt.

Nearly all my tradeschool classmates have girlfriends/wives as well. And there's only one woman in our class, and she's like 32 years old with a fiancee.

This emptiness that've described started coming back around June. But after going to see my dad's family for Independence Day, and seeing all my cousins have been able to get into relationships. This emptiness has started to turn into anger. I'm not angry at them, but moreso what I'm doing wrong. I prayer to God that he at least give me some sort of sign, and all I'm met with is silence, I don't understand why.

This anger is starting to question my entire view on the near future. At first I felt this aviation maintenance would help, I'd make good money for somebody my age, that I'd hang out with my online friends irl, and eventually find a girl. But since I've been single for so long, and I get constantly told "just wait, just wait" what if I've waited too long? What if now I've missed the train? That I now have so little experience with women (not just romantically but also just as aquinatinces/friends) that I'll never be able to bond with them? Should I just give up now and cut my losses?

I don't look terrible. I'm 6'3", thin with a bit of muscle, blue eyes, no balding or anything. I have good hygiene. I at least think I'm kind. So I don't understand.

I know this has been long but I ask anybody here for any sort of advice they can give for me before this big change in my life. I don't want to give up, but it feels as though I've been left behind, watching everyone have what I want. It's getting harder and harder everyday to ignore the anger I feel building inside.