u/Scoobunny

Yesterday I had 3 cashiers open, and one of them had a bunch of customers standing in their line without moving or seeming to be checked out. I whacked all of the customers to see if that would make a difference, but nothing happened. I unassigned that cashier and opened the register again so I could check people out myself, and that worked, but I’m not sure why my cashier just stopped checking people out. Is this a normal thing that happens or how can I make sure this doesn’t happen?

I’m BP1, medicated, and had a few mild hypomanic episodes last year. I think I’m in a better place now, professionally and domestically.

I’m wrapping up an extremely successful week of large scale work events that I managed. And I’m up for promotion soon. But as I prepare to take on a higher role with more visibility and responsibility, I can’t help but worry about what happens to my professional life if I have another episode, that results in another leave of absence or hospitalization.

I love where I work and the people I work with. We’re very ‘mission driven’, the culture/environment is very understanding and encouraging when it comes to self care and mental health. My primary supervisor knows about my diagnosis/history, but my team lead and other senior people who would be relying on me more don’t know anything about my illness. I only told my supervisor because I fully trust her and know how much she values me as a person before an employee. She also has a background in psychology/mental healthcare as well as family members with bipolar. But she’s not in charge of the work that I do at all, my work is dictated by my team/the division I work with.

I don’t want to leave my colleagues in the lurch again, like I have the last few times I had episodes. I know no one died as a result but I’m more aware than ever of the scale of disruption it would cause in people’s professional and personal lives.

I also know it’s not entirely on me to fix the infrastructure of where I work so that someone’s absence doesn’t halt so many critical processes. But I also know there’s no guarantee that an episode won’t happen, even if I have been taking care of myself and sleeping and taking my meds.

And I already feel the weight of responsibility for myself on the daily to not ruin my own and my family’s lives. How do others here balance these fears/awarenesses/lifestyles?