u/Sea-Breadfruit7975

I’ve been struggling with compulsive sexual habits and consuming sexual content since I was really young. It’s reached the point where I habitually sexualize almost everyone and everything.

Alongside the habits I deliberately chose (which I deeply regret), I also get terrifying, completely unwanted sexual thoughts about God and sacred things. I try everything to reject them, but they won't stop.

I am exhausted and terrified that 7 years of this has permanently changed who I am.

I need wiser Christians to help me understand:

What is my responsibility in this, and what are just intrusive thoughts?

Can God still forgive me after 7 years?

Is genuine recovery possible for someone who started this young?

How do I get out of this without being consumed by guilt?

And please, I am asking for real practical wisdom, not just "pray more" or "don't worry." Thank you...

Recently I've realized that everytime I try to focus on God I don't actually do it on a deep level like, my heart isn't truly following him, yet my brain is trying to convince me I am doing so. But truly I don't read the bible much, I don't spread the gospel, I don't talk about Jesus, I sometimes get ashamed too, and I keep falling non-stop into lust even when I'm aware of God and his presence.

How do I actually surrender my life to Jesus without shame? I live in a place where it's hard to have freedom expressing religion. I sometimes feel like my friends would get annoyed if I keep talking about Jesus. Though I feel guilty about it.

In summary I just want to follow God straightly, but my heart is hesitated, and I feel guilty that I'm not doing so.

I've always heard that STEM is a stress nightmare especially for someone with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). You wake up, eat, study & sleep with a schedule, and everything has it's time. There's less freedom and you study & work straight for hours, plus you won't be alone, you'd be living in a dorm on campus with students like you. However, even after hearing all of these things I wonder now if it's still a good experience for somebody with ADHD, has anyone with ADHD actually tried STEM before? If so, what is/was your experience like? And do you recommend it?