u/Sea-Tiger8657

I just wanted to ask something?

Is this all in my head? Is this like a psychological reaction to my own thoughts?

I never had a relationship with God but I want one. I've reading the Bible and praying to God for a few days now. And I just feel a pull to continue. Nothing changed outwardly but there’s a little something in my mind making me believe that I'm not alone. It’s fleeting and subtle… I've been depressed for years and nowadays it’s not as easy to feel my emotions clearly… so logic is easier.

As a skeptic I feel absolutely insane. But I just don’t want to give up on Him. I want to keep reading more. Because I believe that He has something for me, that no one else has.

Edit: I've just opened the Bible app and the verse of the day is Proverbs 17:17 “ friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity”. I rarely open that app and I just thought this was an interesting coincidence to share

I'm lonely. I struggle to make friends, and I struggle to keep them.

Most of my friends built their lives far from where we’re from, found other friends, partners, etc. I know it’s normal for me not to be at the top of their priorities… but because my life didn’t flourish similarly, they are still very much on top of mine.

I make an effort to text and call but, they're always very busy. I usually only get text backs after weeks. I try to tell myself it’s okay, but it still hurts.

I've tried making other friends, but it doesn’t really work out. When I think we hit it off, I quickly realise that it was all in my head.

I've been lonely for a while now… it doesn’t really get better, you just get more numb.

My hometown doesn’t offer many opportunities to meet people (unfortunately). I wish to move one day but I don’t really have the money just yet.

I know God isn’t a genie, that people have free will and that working towards something is very much needed for a certain outcome to happen. But is it possible that God will help me get just one good friend?

I know God is the best friend we could all dream of, but sometimes I miss having someone to laugh with, go on walks with, talk to, make plans with… Idk at this point.

I've been posting on here quite a bit these past few days, because I have so many questions and so many doubts, and no one to help me in real life.

Today, I decided I would spend 1 hour praying/reading the Bible, even if I didn’t want to.

For context, I'm a skeptic. I'm also someone that has been wounded (as most have been) by people, and trust is hard to give. I didn’t grow up praying or attending church often (It’s mostly seen as outdated/traditional in my country). My mind is a whirlwind of thoughts 24/7, so concentrating on prayer is pretty difficult for me. It’s even more difficult praying without believing, because it feels like I'm pretending, and my body just wants to stop midway.

Today, I didn’t let it. I set up a timer for 1 hour, turned off wifi, put my phone away, and got on my knees. I started talking and talking, not really knowing what I was saying. It didn’t feel genuine, but I continued. I remembered people saying that repentance and gratitude are really important, so I tried, even if I was numb while doing so. I told Him what I remembered, but it felt forced. I kept going nonetheless. I even asked the Holy Spirit for help, even though every single word that came out of my mouth felt insincere.

After 20 (very quick) minutes of prayer, I picked up my old Bible from when I was 7/8. It has my name written in cursive in the first page (from when I was a child in catechism classes) and I thought it was sweet.

For some reason, Job came to my mind while praying… I don’t know if it’s because I saw a movie once that was a reenactment of that story or because I'm so used to seeing people on TikTok saying “God told me to read this book/chapter, and it spoke to me”. Maybe my brain just wanted to fit in.

I read two random chapters that came to mind… they didn’t really connect but, at least I was trying. Then the name “Ecclesiastes” came to mind and I read it all. I know I should read slower, to comprehend more… but I'm not there just yet.

I underlined a few verses that got me thinking…

Ecclesiastes 5:2 “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.” (I definitely didn’t do this, I was all over the place…)

Ecclesiastes 11:9 “ You who are young, be happy while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see but know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment” (I feel like I've been failing in this, and it made me a bit sad. That God might expect more of me and that I am the opposite.)

Well… I know this isn’t much, I know I didn’t have an encounter or feel all the emotions, but this is what I managed today. I hope I will continue. I will be honest and say, I still feel nothing. But maybe God was listening nevertheless, because for some reason, I stayed. I’m stubborn enough to keep going, I hope.

I didn’t ask Him for any desire yet. I actually asked Him for the opposite. I want to be a mom, more than most things in life. But I don’t want to have a closed off wounded heart and soul while I do it. It’s unfair for the innocent baby, and I want to love them well. I just told Him to withhold that (and a loving husband) from me until He thinks it’s the right time.

I never asked for prayers in my life, but if any of you would kindly keep me in yours, I'd greatly appreciate it :)

I'm just now starting to learn about God, so I don’t understand much yet.

I know God has a will for our life. He wants to give us purpose. But I've heard different interpretations of this said will. Some say His will is the same for everyone: getting to know Him, build a relationship with Him, find salvation and sanctification. But, some people say He has a specific will tailored to each of us.

It might be both, since each and every person lives a life different than any other. But free will also plays a part in how our lives turn out.

I'm in a period of life where everything feels weird. Looking from the outside, nothing seems wrong… but I feel like my life is stuck. I’m still young and things can still change, but there are times in our lives where we have trouble imagining how. Everything feels bland and you just take it day by day.

I don’t believe God is a genie, so I don’t believe everything I want will be granted to me exactly how I want it. Because it hasn’t. Most things I desire are not material, and for some reason they haven’t come true… and that has left a void in me that I don’t seem to be able to fill. Maybe this is why God crossed my mind for the first time… because I realised I couldn’t find peace on my own.

I have trouble praying and I don’t why. Maybe it’s my skepticism speaking louder than my desire to build a relationship with God or maybe it’s my fear of abandonment, already preventing me from getting “ignored”. I don’t really know, nor do I try to find an excuse.

God is everything and I still doubt He can bring people into my life that will like me and stay. And I know this is wrong of me to think.

Sometimes I feel a subtle urge to pick up my childhood Bible or the Bible App and start reading and I also feel this pull towards prayer… but I don’t act on it… it’s like it feels good to imagine it and think about it but then I feel unmotivated to start.

What intrigues me is why? It’s subtle and fleeting, but it happens sometimes. I don’t know if it’s a phase, because it has been happening for a couple years now.

I know some will say it’s the Holy Spirit trying to get me to build a relationship with God… but my brain is too skeptical…

Any advice?

I've never watched the original series nor have I read the books but I didn’t hate Netflix's adaptation, as someone who went into this completely unbiased.

I must say that I did find them a bit too “contemporary” looking, which always throws me off when watching shows like this. Good Eagle’s mom, for example, looked and sounded very modernised.

I’m unaware of anyone’s age but I couldn’t guess Ma's at all. She looks so young to me and Mary looks at least 13 (I might be wrong here, I really don’t know!). I've seen a lot of people criticise how the actress portrayed Ma but I didn’t have an issue. She had some cool moments throughout the show, and I liked how she stood her ground several times.

Also, Ma and Pa make a very good looking couple and I liked their marriage dynamics, I just don’t find it believable that Mary and Laura are their daughters because they look nothing alike. It didn’t really bother me while watching, but it's another little thing to add to the list of “lack of attention to details”.

I think the kids were great overall. They’re all still very young and some scenes were very emotionally challenging to portray, so I don’t have much to say about them.

Dialogue also seemed very 2026, but given the fact that English isn’t my 1st language, I might not be the best judge of it.

I can’t really speak on the 70s show, or how accurate/inaccurate this one was in comparison to the books, but it was a pretty nice watch and I hope they don’t cancel the 2nd season (I’m curious now).

For context, I don’t yet have a relationship with God. I know it’s on me, but I didn’t grow up like this and it's not common where I'm from, so I don’t really know what to do about it. I hope that in time, I will.

Is God's love sufficient to lead a life of peace, joy and fulfilment? Or are humans always seeking each other no matter what?

I ask this because I'm in my mid 20s, never fell in love, never dated, never had men show interest in me. I don’t have close friends and it’s harder and harder to make friends nowadays (at least for me). I don’t really have anyone that comforts me or makes me feel like I’m someone who matters. I’m easily replaceable/forgotten and, although I try not to get too affected by it, I can’t help but think about all the affection I've missed throughout my life.

I don’t know if God has anything special reserved for my future… Maybe a simple life, a good husband, a few close friends, a tight-knit family… sometimes I hope He does because I clearly can’t get there on my own… but I can’t be certain and so I try not to get my hopes up.

I don’t know if He punishes or if He just disciplines. I know sins and free will are more than responsible for my life. I just don’t know if it gets better… or if there’s a possibility He doesn’t want it to get better. Not because He hates me, but because He knows what I don’t.

I don’t know if He's already working on my life or if maybe I need to seek Him first… I just hope He doesn’t forget about me.

For context, I was baptised as a baby, did all of the initiation sacraments, but I was never actually a believer. I had no relationship with God.

I'm a person that struggles mostly by myself. As I'm getting older: I vent less and less with others, I cry by myself (99% of the time), etc. I've always been like this, ever since I can remember. I internalise my sadness too well.

Life isn’t perfect, and I've had my fair share of hurt in my life. I'm still young, so I logically know it will happen again. It gets to a point where you have nothing but the desire for something greater than yourself to exist. And that happened to me a few years ago.

I began watching a lot of Christian content online. I've tried praying and reading the Bible but it doesn’t come naturally to me at all (since I’m such a skeptic sometimes). But every since then, God never really left my thoughts. He always comes back. If, one day, I decide I actually don’t believe and this is all made up, weeks later, I will come back to thinking about Him.

Although I don’t label myself as anything right now, I won’t lie and say that I don’t want to believe in Him, because I do. I want to find comfort in His word, I want to choose to do what He says, I want to find purpose in Him… but I don’t. Not yet, at least.

But sometimes I wonder… if what brought me to thinking about Him, was my suffering, and even after a few years, my relationship with God still hasn’t evolved, what if more suffering is what will bring me even closer? I know suffering is a part of life but, I hoped for years that good things would begin happening too.

I'm sorry if this sounds weird or even dramatic… it’s just a genuine thought of mine.

God is love. His love is said to be the most perfect love there ever is/was. He loves everyone but, I don’t believe He loves everyone the same.

In the Bible it says God knew every single human before they were even born. God knows everything about the past, present and future. God also gave us free will… but He also has a will for us. This confuses me… How much free will does one have while following His plan for us?

I know the Bible is full of people crying out to Him, full of pain, loneliness, sorrow. There are stories about love, riches, peace and others about infertility, humiliation, mistreatment. But how does He choose what to give to each of us?

Why does one person get to live a comfortable life, with a few exceptions here and there, surrounded by love, peace, happiness (with the “normal” setbacks life throws at every single person), and another lives a completely different life? It’s not all because of our own free will… others' free will has immense power over our lives.

Why do some get to feel His presence so easily? While others never get to at all? Didn’t they pray right? Didn’t they serve right?

My questions probably seem all over the place, but I genuinely would like to know. Thank you.