How the fuck did I end up with a porn addict AGAIN?
Before we dated I told my partner that porn was a dealbreaker for me because I had previously dated someone with a porn addiction who eventually CHEATED ON me while freshly postpartum with almost 15+ women. He knew exactly how much that affected me.
When we talked about his history with porn, he basically made it sound like he had watched it once when he was a kid and on and off but it had been years since he watched porn and that was it. He convinced me he was against porn too, so I genuinely thought this was one thing I wouldn’t have to worry about in this relationship.
Recently I found out that wasn’t true at all. He had actually paid for virtual reality porn about 2 years ago. Finding out he had lied about something that specific made me start questioning what else he had lied about.
I ended up bluffing and telling him I knew he had watched porn during our relationship even though I didn’t actually have proof. He kept demanding evidence but eventually admitted on his own that he DID watch it while we were together when we were fighting and he had gone home.
After admitting it, he realized I apparently didn’t have the evidence he thought I had and started smiling and demanding I show him proof. He even said if I showed him then we’d definitely be done. That reaction was honestly extremely hurtful because it felt like he cared more about catching me in my bluff than what he had just admitted to doing.
I’ve also found him looking up previous girlfriends on social media. The porn I saw was also all white women and none of them looked anything like me, so that’s gotten into my head too.
I know bluffing wasn’t healthy and I feel guilty about doing it. But I also don’t know if he ever would’ve told me the truth otherwise. Finding out that the story he gave me about his past wasn’t true is literally what made me suspicious in the first place.
I’ve already been through a relationship with a porn addict and I feel embarrassed that I’m somehow here again. I don’t know whether I’m overreacting because of what I’ve been through before or whether this is enough dishonesty that I should just walk away.
Is this serious enough to end the relationship while it’s still early (1 year in) and too serious ?
At this point I feel like I’m not justified in being upset because I bluffed but I just already knew he was lying idk. Ik that was shitty. For anyone who has been through this, would you try to work through this or leave? And if you stayed, what would you actually need to see from your partner to believe they were being honest and taking recovery seriously?
TLDR: I’m possibly dating a porn addict that was very adamant of reassuring me he was against porn and lied about using it. Would appreciate any advice or resources on how to spot one in the future because I’m so fucking over dating porn addicted man children ATP I’m the problem because how and why do I keep ending up with PA