I'm 18M from TN, studying at Bangalore and I'm going through a tough phase now even my parents couldn't understand it. I'm in college second yr and I need to end this. I've shared enough abt this in multiple subs but now I need someone to speak genuinely, hit me up if u wanna listen.
So, last Wednesday there was a holiday nd compensatory classes were conducted rest of the week with no half days. Now, one of our faculty is asking our preferred slot to conduct compensatory classes for September 14, which will be a holiday.
These are not compensations, these are extra classes. If a sudden holiday is declared (PES don't give), one working day from calendar of events is gone, and they try to compensate those classes it's fine. That is the meaning of compensation, not conducting extra classes.
They do have calendar of events and timetable, wtf they wanna conduct extra classes?? Can't they plan it properly. We have many more holidays in upcoming months, do they conduct extra classes?? If it happens we can forget half days.
As an 18 yo depressed engineering student i couldn't do anything properly. Gym, control over food, academics, technical work, relationships anything. I do not have a good friend in college to share what I'm going on. Everyone including my roommates are acquaintances nd couldn't share anything. Spending a lot on eating, lying to my parents. Oru maari enakku vaazhkai eh pudikala, over the last few years. Even a walk is enough to show how stressed I'm. Recently a girl committed s**c*de in my college nd that girl turned out to be my batch but different department. Athu ketathula irunthu oru maari irukku. I do not wanna end my life nd I won't bcz I've my parents, nd I do not wanna drink or smoke. I've a few ethics of my life. I eat a lot of junk which trying to control. I'm triggered in certain ways like I saw a guy with a vest, good biceps, nd an iphone in hand in gym nd somehow I was triggered nd left gym. I don't like iphone, but it is an inferiority complex tht ppl with iphone r richer nd I'm behind them. Especially if I see a girl with some better physique, or if I see an aspect that she is better than me I'm getting triggered. Smthng I'm facing from class 11,i had a crush on a girl who drove car to school everyday. I couldn't speak to her till I finish my class 12 though we sat on the same exam Hall. I've many problems which will not feel like a problem itself. But now I need to start a fresh life, nd I'm still suffering to start. I'm not waiting for the right moment but somehow I'm triggered. Even if I go to my home, my parents couldn't understand me and also people in my region, they cannot understand me. They thought I'm an intellectual. I'm different in both environments. Thinking differently in my hometown nd being the dumbest in college and among the ppl here.
I wanna share something to a stranger dm me if u wanna, if u r in my age gro pls.
So, I've handled many things lonely in my life and I couldn't handle it alone atp. Recently I watched two movies one is abt a character where he cannot confess his love even when he is surrounded by many friends. Another one is hard, from one character I learnt "The thing you love shouldn't become the thing which hurts you the most", and don't obsess with suffering. The characters in these movies and stories connect with me a lot. I couldn't share anything with anyone because they couldn't understand me, including my parents. Also in the second movie a character opens everything to a stranger with an assumption that anything can be shared to a stranger. I genuinely wanna speak to someone atp. Also after some incidents and a rewatching few scenes of the first movie today I am sitting in a corner and trying to figure out what happened to me. DM me.
So my previous semesters were challenge nd upcoming semesters gonna be redemption. I really fucked up badly in terms of academics nd chilling. I spent more energy on stuffs that weren't useful. Now I knew wht I should do.
Do consistent work in academics, there is no point of studying at last moment. I literally forgot how to study, I literally repeated making notes one night before exams which I didn't do that in my school days. Listening lectures also matters.
Stop relying on someone for execution, it may be friends, faculties, parents anyone I will not rely on them for execution.
I've something special got in first yr but it was overshadowed with all negative stuffs. I will start spending energy on those specials stuffs removing negativities.
Many people follow the stereotype blindly and I've noticed that. I know that stereotype doesn't help me at all nd I've a different path. I will use everything from IIT Bangalore to elevate me rather than following blind stereotypes.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my theater choices lately after a few hits and misses. Today, I watched Idhayam Murali in the theater. It was a nice, feel-good movie, and Atharvaa proved himself as a cute actor. However, I realized halfway through that I would’ve been just as satisfied watching it on OTT. Honestly, I’m convinced this movie would have been a massive blockbuster if Pradeep Ranganathan had been the lead actor.
I missed Karuppu in theaters recently because of my exams, which is a bummer since it was such a massive hit before releasing on OTT on June 12.
i was also about to watch The Odyssey today, but since it was shot entirely on IMAX 70mm and there is no IMAX screen in my town, I decided to skip it. I’d rather wait than settle for a standard screen for a movie like that.
For me, "Peak Cinema" in a theater looks like this:
Dhurandhar The Revenge: Those first 15 minutes were pure peak, especially with songs like Jaan Se Guzarte, Aari Aari, and Pyaar Karne Wale.
RRR: That interval block with the Natpu BGM literally defined the theatrical experience for me.
Vikram: Absolute peak from the beginning, especially where Fahadh Faasil just scored in first half, interval block and post climax was an absolute feast.
Lately, I feel like I've wasted theater trips on movies like Gatta Kusthi 2, Love Insurance Kompany, Thalaivar Thambi Thalaimayil, Dude, and Kuberaa.
Even Coolie on Day 1 didn't satisfy me. Madharasi was actually good compared to these, but I still want to be more selective.
Since I usually pick movies based on my availability, I want to change my strategy.
So, I'm doing an internship and I wanna stay from July 19th to July 31st in Bangalore. So, I'm in need of PGs for temporary stay. Kindly let me know any pgs available with this temporary stay option near RR Campus.
Studied in a good school till class 10. Unfortunately there was no class 11 and 12 there. So, I wanna go to a good school. Decided to go IITM because of it's exposure, so like lakhs of student do, I enrolled in a school with integrated JEE Mains + Advanced coaching (famous one but I do not wanna mention here). Gave me a hope that my preparation would be sorted.
Everything was okay till first week. Jee Mains Mock Test on every Saturday and Advanced on every Sunday. Scored lower than many and I knew I was sitting with people who prepared well. Then suddenly chemistry faculty disappeared, as I told u the every week mock test was conducted, the syllabus was not finished and scores were dropped. I took it seriously, though I tried to learn stuffs from the book, without proper guidance I couldn't score well. Others cheat the weekly tests but I wanted to be honest and wanna check what I missed out. Days passed and after a point we spoke with the principal he told that the chemistry faculty's mom was serious so he wanted to leave. Fyn accepted but his advice was to adjust, wtf. Then syllabus was pending not only in chemistry but for Physics and Maths also because in 5 days they should complete the syllabus for the mock test no practice nothing. I didn't have time to sit on YouTube lectures. Then came one guy who resembled like Gandhiji's chithappa. His pronunciation was bad. We heared "Bread omelette" instead of "S orbital", "Bombay" for "lone pair". Annoyed as fuck didn't help me at all. Then same kind of stuffs happened with physics and math as well, didn't give the proper practice. Other students were not serious about the scores, they just cheat the mock test and scores high. Faculties changed and good faculties came for physics and chemistry, but it was uncertain taht they might leave the next week.
My class teacher was an English teacher who often bullied me. One week I scored only 4/300 in weekly mains mock test so I was beaten and I was unable to tell him the harsh reality. He scolded me and asked to score 200+/300 the next week. I realized that that wan not the place for me, so I decided to leave and spoke with my parents, they were half minded. Suddenly a parents teacher meeting was conducted, my mom and I went, my mom spoke with the staffs and they brainwashed my parents, not only a single staff but each and every staffs, even other parents wanted to complain about that but after PTM each and every parents were brainwashed and it was literally framed as we students blamed the faculties and school. So, my parents didn't have second thought and I was asked to study there itself. Then I tried I followed the lectures and improved my scores also I began to study before they even start. I had lots of backlogs, but I kept as it was and began to study that going syllabus.
But I realized was no cumulative test conducted. So there was no point on studying. Then came 11th end. January 2024 ig, there was a final exam for class 11 boards. Most of the people cheated again, they asked question papers from other branch. I didn't want to. Lots of backlogs, literally in maths they taught us differentiation, 3D geometry, matrices and all which were 12th syllabus not binomial, permutations, statistics and all. Suddenly realized that they should have taught the board syllabus as well but they didn't.
I was crying sitting in home 😭, my mom and dad told still I have 1 year time so I should not worry ans should study for exam. I wanted to survive I did. I scored lower than many, especially in mathematics. Next parents teacher meeting the same stuffs but I prepared my parents for the worst. But the principal showed attitude. He was sitting cross legged and seeing my marks, used calculator put a total and it was less than my class 10 total marks were I enjoyed and scored 90%. I couldn't tell him the reality once again, my parents told that the paper was tough he defended and again the blame was on me, but this time my parents knew the reality and they supported me. My class 11 journey ended here.
I tried covering backlogs during 11th break and I did my best. But no cumulative tests would be conducted so there was a possibility I would forget everything. Then came the 12th.
When I entered physics teachers were changed, chemistry faculty was also changed, also for mathematics. The faculties were kind but they passed many part of syllabus and started teaching for class 12th board exams despite mock tests for jee mains has been conducted every week. Same pattern repeated again I scored badly and my class teacher beat me again and bullied again. He didn't behave like a staff, so I reacted. Chemistry faculty spoke about the scores. The reality is we used to write only one paper for 180 marks 60 marks each subject. He asked to score 40+/120. So I approached him and I came to know that he didn't know the pattern of jee advanced. It became worse. So I went home, actually it was on my grandparents house because my grandfather was ill and my aunt was in hospital for the pregnancy. My house is 20 kms away from the town/school/grandparents house everything. I informed the situation to dad and added taht I wanna enquire a coaching centre, we did it but they asked 80k, it was July-Aug 2024 and Jee mains in Jan and jee advanced in may. My dad was literally okay with taht with a calculation 10k/month. We went to hospital to meet my mom and I cried there. My dad called that chemistry teacher who didn't know jee advanced paper pattern. He didn't pick up. I enrolled in that same coaching.
Remaining story part 2 la soldren.
If u have faced a similar situation please drop it here.
I'm 18M, in every stages of my life I crossed I was revolving around a responsibility.
As a 5/6th grade child it was
"What business do you have apart from studying?"
Neglected chess, sports and other activities which I was interested in.
Few years back it became entrance exam. It became serious here and I started to believe. Disappointed me badly at the end.
Now I'm doing an internship in which my entire identity has been attached to.
Tomorrow it will be job, the question will be
"What other stuffs do you have apart from working, you have a good job right? "
Then later it will be family,
"What other responsibilities do you have apart from taking care of your family? "
In middle age,
"What other responsibilities do you have apart from taking care of your health? "
During my semester break, I felt something was missing even though I was doing an internship and trying to be productive. That's when it hit me: I had spent years optimizing for responsibilities but had neglected other parts of life—friendships, belonging, exploration, independence, curiosity, and creating memories which others are doing at this stage.
I don't even have friends in my college or school which I studied everyone were acquittance
Responsibilities matter, but how it can become my entire identity?? But when can I live?? At this point I realized that I was waiting to live instead of living for 18 years.
Has anyone experienced this?? If yes how did you build a life around responsibilities??
I'm a 18-year-old engineering student, and I feel like I never really got to live my teenage years. My life from school onwards became JEE coaching, pressure, anxiety, and then depression. While many of my classmates grew up traveling with family, going on trips with friends, and collecting experiences, I mostly stayed at home or had very limited family outings, I didn't experience life for 18 years.
This summer has become a breaking point. My social media feed is full of classmates in Himachal Pradesh, Sri Lanka, waterfalls, mountains, airports, and foreign trips. Every story feels like proof that everyone is living while I'm just watching life happen. I don't envy luxury—I envy experiences, freedom, and memories.
I don't have a close friend group to travel with. My family is financially constrained, and travel has never been a priority. When I ask for new experiences, there are usually practical reasons why they don't happen. That leaves me feeling trapped and years behind my peers.
I've started believing that my adolescence was consumed by survival rather than living. I feel grief for experiences I never had, and I'm terrified that I'll never catch up. I know comparing myself to others makes things worse, but I can't seem to stop.
Today I completely broke down. I cried, threw my phone, punched a wall, and felt like running away because I don't know how to cope with this feeling anymore. I don't want an expensive lifestyle—I just want to feel like my life is my own and that I get to experience the world too.
Just a random thought, am I allowed to take notes using laptop during class??
Which is better for ECE, physical or digital notes??
I was in a big trauma for last 3 years, since class 11. With that trauma I finished my first semester with 7.67 SGPA.
The college I'm studying provides scholarship for top 25% students. I fucked up with my mindset in first sem. In second sem, I developed a technical interest in a domain and also studied well. Then I started to attach my identity with that scholarship, then with extreme stress I fucked up my first internal exam. I knew I wouldn't get scholarship so I started surviving the semester and was in a situation to score a decent grade. I wanted to score 8.33 to bring my CGPA to 8, I had the stress and I couldn't study properly at final moments and today I got my semester result with 7.08 SGPA, 6.5 was a doubt at a point. Now my CGPA is 7.37. I want above 8 by the end of 3rd year to unlock opportunities.
I'm studying in a college where ppl will be judged based on their scores. One may be the smartest in the group, but if he/she doesn't have good grade will be judged. Ppl here study for the sake of scholarship money. I remember one of my frnd asking me a doubt on an irrelevant topic and I told that, he replied "Dei 1 lakh da". From that I realized I should not run in this race. I'm the guy who study for the domain knowledge, not for the sake of scholarship money, the scholarship is a prize of ur knowledge not memory.
Now I'm attending a summer internship from my college research lab and going well. I have a lot of problems even now. From next semester I want to stop preparing for life and start living.
I received DMs from many ppl asking abt hostel room allocation. So I decided to make a post.
So the hostel management and the ppl there are absolutely retarded. But with that don't assume that the hostel is bad. Hostel is actually good and my bro had already posted something:
https://www.reddit.com/r/PESU/s/qGnnsLGyAK
Now let me tell about the hostel room allocation. First of all you will be called to attend a briefing session along with ur local guardian and parents. It will be a lecture which will be irritating. Followed by it u will be given an application form. You must fill it and along with the documents they asked you have to submit it. But it's not over here.
You have to come when classes starts where you will be alloted to a random room. No matter when u submitted the documents or when u attended the briefing session. This will be ur temporary room.
Later, when u would have become comfortable with that room, u will be called for permanent room allotment. For us it happened after 3 months. There will be a priority list given based on the date and time when u submitted the documents to the college for verification. Also, a cut off number for NBX and EB will be given. Above which u r flexible to take roommates to those rooms but he should also have the serial no above the cutoff. If NBX and EB rooms are available after the cutoff serial number, u can take it but u cannot choose ur roommate until unless he is ur next serial no in the list. It will be a headache.
So don't assume that u r able to take NBX, EB rooms as soon as u pay the fees. First ensure that u get the hostel. Then later u can go for the blocks and rooms.
So I have summer internship from Maker's Lab starting on July 1 (online) and offline session will start from July 15. I did not get the Summer Extended Stay (SES) form from hostel. So I wanna stay in a PG for a while (July 20-30). I'm looking for a PG and a roommate for these period.
Kindly let me know.
After a long run, I completed my first year at PESU and I would like to share few stuffs that I realized which might help u guys.
Nobody is coming to save you: by the eod, u r responsible for ur own growth.
Stop comparing with others: comparing is a losing game, there will always be someone richer, smarter, fitter, better at coding, better at speaking, or more accomplished. Nobody really knows what they're doing. Some people hide it better than others.
Confidence comes from executing, not only from learning.
Technical Interest matters: one of the best things happened this yr for me. Curiosity was much stronger fuel than fear.
Self worth is not attached to grades.
Semester stereotype:
M1 — No exams. No pressure. What you do here decides the rest of the semester.
M2 — ISA-1 exposes everything you've been avoiding.
M3 — You feel like you have time, so you stop respecting it.
M4 — Everything hits together. Assignments, lab exams, ISA-2, deadlines. Small delays become big problems.
M5 — ESA mostly reveals habits that were built (or ignored) during the previous four months.
May be surrounded by hundreds but still feels lonely if u r still in ur comfort zone.
College is not just abt academics, but also experiences, friendships, conversations, events, mistakes, memories, learning how to live independently.
I spent years trying to think my way into a better future but failed to live in the present.
I would like to hear ur thoughts nd takeaways. Pls drop.
I'm 18 and just finished my first year of engineering.
Honestly, I feel like I've been in survival mode for the last 3 years.
The problem wasn't that I didn't care. I cared way too much. I took JEE seriously when a lot of people around me didn't. I trusted my school and coaching, but it was honestly a mess. Teachers kept changing, doubt support was weak, guidance was all over the place, and nobody really seemed to know how to prepare us for JEE Advanced properly. My last few months were basically school all day, coaching in the evening, and reaching home completely drained at night. I got humiliated for small things, got advice that turned out to be wrong, and constantly felt like I cared more about my future than the people who were supposed to guide me.
Then my grandfather passed away before JEE Mains. Around that time I wasn't just stressed about exams anymore. I started thinking about death, purpose, life, and whether any of this even mattered. My brain was cooked.
The results didn't go the way I hoped. I joined college thinking things would finally get better, but the pattern just changed shape. Instead of JEE, it became CGPA, internships, higher studies, career, salary, future planning, and all that. Even when there were no exams, I'd sit alone in my room researching life instead of actually living it.
The funny thing is that from the outside, I look fine. Good college. IEEE involvement. Found a niche I genuinely enjoy (RF and antennas). Got an internship. Have long-term goals.
But internally? Stress, overthinking, anxiety, procrastination, doomscrolling, guilt, isolation, and constantly feeling like my worth depends on what I achieve next.
I don't really have a best friend. I don't have that one person I can tell everything to. Sometimes I see people my age casually hanging out, going on trips, sitting and talking for hours, getting into relationships, making memories, and I genuinely wonder where those years went for me.
Recently someone told me, "Bro, if you're relaxed and enjoy college life, nothing bad is going to happen. One year is already over. You'll never get this phase back." That hit me harder than any exam result.
I think my biggest mistake wasn't failing at something. It was believing that life would start later. After JEE. After college. After success. After I figured everything out.
Now I'm slowly realizing that I've spent years preparing for life instead of participating in it.
If you've felt something similar, feel free to share your story or DM me. Sometimes it feels like we're the only ones going through this, but maybe we're not.
Ngl, I feel mentally cooked right now.
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For years, I kept choosing the harder path. I took JEE seriously when many of my friends didn't. Then I moved away from home and joined a college in Bangalore while people kept asking why I didn't stay closer to home. Ever since, I've been carrying the pressure of high fees, my parents' sacrifices, my own ambitions, and the fear of making the wrong decisions.
​
Tomorrow is my final exam and my first year is basically ending. Most of my friends are already done, packing up, and leaving. The hostel feels empty. After 2 months away, finally I'll be going home, but instead of feeling relieved, I feel heavy. Academically, this semester wasn't what I wanted. I overthought everything, wasted time, and didn't study consistently. At the same time, I got involved in IEEE, developed genuine technical interests, and landed an internship. So it doesn't feel like I completely failed, but it doesn't feel like success either.
​
The hardest part is that I feel like I've been testing my parents' patience for a long time. Every phone call feels different lately. Maybe it's just in my head, maybe it isn't. I don't know. One side of me is excited to go home. The other side is worried about disappointing the people who sacrificed so much for me.
​
Honestly, I think I'm just exhausted. Not from studying. From carrying expectations, guilt, uncertainty, and future worries for so long.
So, I'm staying in hostel and we're not actually allowed to stay in hostel once the year is over. There was a possibility to pay extra ans stay for internship, but the cost is 500rs per day which is expensive will cost 15-20k per month easily and I'm not sure how many days I'm gonna stay.
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I'm looking for alternate options for accommodation and logistics. If any 1st years who's gonna take it kindly dm me.
I literally don't study for the sake of scholarship, but to get the knowledge for the domain which I am going to. So, according to me the scholarship/9 SGPA must be the output of gathering the knowledge and applying in the domain. Not studying for the sake of 1L. I've seen people fighting for 1L and even they had missed a single question/topic during the preparation they get the FOMO of not getting that 1L, but not the knowledge gained. I've seen many people who is insecure and judge based on out GPA but not about the knowledge we have and what kind of person we are.
I've a honest question whether CGPA decides my future here in PES, according to me no. I've a good domain knowledge and I hope I'm doing well. I accept the fact that I cannot get placed with a 6 CGPA. But whether a 9 CGPA is the survival in PES?? Not for the sake of placements but to make connections inside PES and all??
So, nowadays I don't even feel like studying. Idk the reason behind it. I shift my focus often to some other stuffs. I'm working on my technical projects and I cannot stop it because I know that those stuffs are going to help me to build a great career. I couldn't even stop it. Also I want to prioritize my health and fitness so I joined gym. I am staying in hostel and I do not have any friends group in Bangalore to roam out every week, also I'm not that rich 😂. Maybe monthly once or twice I may go outside for movies or somewhere. Rest of the time I'll be in hostel only. Also our beloved chancellor told me to study for 3 hours a day and 24 hours a week. I couldn't follow that idk why. Also I believe in long term friendship rather than toxic peer grp in my college. I am from a different region and I knew that I cannot find ppl who I can build long term friendship. Also, I realized everyone has different operational bandwidth and of course none can match my frequency.
So, I know that I am going to survive alone in this college. I stress a lot about my past and future, yes parental expectations, relatives expectations to pay my final year college fees and repay my parents in 2 years. These are not the condition for themselves or for my sake, it is to match the wealth with my future father-in-law. Wtf that man would've earned them in 25-30 yrs, why am I expected to earn in 3-4 yrs?? Toxic relatives, also I need to fill the void that I'm studying in Bangalore so that I should earn relatively more. Also I have a vision, it may pay me low but it promises me a good career. Bcz of these toxic ppls I'm afraid of losing my vision and settle for less than what I deserve. Also I stress a lot for very small stuffs, I have a lot of problems like this.
This semester I really fucked up with my CGPA and social life. Yes I worked on technical research stuffs a lot. But when I tried to study I couldn't even do that.
I do not want this to happen from my upcoming semesters.
Now I need some tips to prioritize academics, technical projects, sleep, gym and health, social life and so on. Also, I have long term vision, so I do not want small stuffs to break my vision of my long living career.
My targets for my upcoming semesters :
Bring my CGPA to 8 and maintain it.
Focus on my research.
Prioritize sleep, health and fitness (gym).
Improve my confidence level and need some social life.
Do not stress.
Need some exposure and space to breath.