u/SegwayCop

#We lose 0-2

Embarrassing offensive effort. We are bad again!

3 POINTS PLEASE!!

HYPE THREAD

Lineup Thread

Kick off is at 3:10ish PM PST.

MLS Match Center

At my niece's bday party. Will try to keep up to date with the score line/yellows/subs, but updates will be more sparse than usual.

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#Portland Timbers 0 - 2 Inter Miami CF

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5' - 🧤 Save for Pants!

Been listening to the game. Pants has been standing on his head. Then we had a period of possession and then the goal against.

31' - Goal Messi. Of course.

40' - Antony with a good chance and he just gets stuffed.

41' - 🟨 Yellow card for De Paul (Miami)

42' - goal them. Too good for our defense. This shit is going to be embarrassing by the end of the game.

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##Halftime

Only being down by 2 gives us a chance in the 2nd half, but boy, we need to actually accomplish something offensively to have any hope to do anything this season.

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57' - Good chance for Velde, but as per usual, we hit it straight at the keeper

58' - 🟨 Yellow card for some Miami jerk

66' - 🟨 Yellow card for DDC

67' - Smith ON 🔁 K.Miller OFF

74' - Aravena ON 🔁 Da Costa OFF

78' - ⚠️ Probably a PK foul on Velde, VAR wants Miami to win, so they don't bother calling the ref over to look at it.

83' - Ayala was just subbed on for Miami 😥

87' - Guerra Mosquera ON 🔁 Kelsy Antony OFF

87' - incredible ball by Velde from a set piece and we just don't do a fucking thing with it

90' - 🧤 Good save by Pants

+5 minutes stoppage

92' - 🟨 Yellow card for Surman

95' - 🧤 PANTS WITH AN INCREDIBLE SAVE!! SAVE OF THE YEAR!

#We tied 2-2

Honestly, we played fairly well! The second goal was an obvious defensive awareness error, which we seem to be doing a lot lately. But we fought back and tied the game up twice.

If we beat Miami away, I think Phil will keep his job until the end of the season. I don't think he should, but I'm not the voice of mediocrity that runs our club. So, who knows what will happen...

MIDWEEK 3 POINTS? LETS FUCKING GO!!!!

HYPE THREAD

Lineup Thread

Kick off is at 4:45ish PM PST.

MLS Match Center

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#Portland Timbers 2 - 2 CF Montréal

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7' - Caicedo is down off the ball. Grabbing his hammy/groin area.

9' - Chara ON 🔁 Caicedo OFF (injury)

11' - ⚽ goal them. They absolutely smashed it from 22ish yards out. We just didn't close down fast enough and dude fucking placed it. Fucking sucks because we had a really good first 10 minutes.

14' - All 50 of their fans are having a blast though...

16' - Aravena had a great chance on a corner and just hit it so high and so wide.

21' - ⚽ GOAL KELSY! 2ND CROSS FROM VELDE IS A PEACH AND KELSY IS THERE NEAR POST TO POKE IT BEFORE IT REACHES THEIR KEEPER! LET'S GO!

31' - ⚠️ VAR looking at a PK for us. Handball vs Montreal from a corner. Was cleared by PRO. Didn't get a good look at it but the announcers seemed to think it was weak.

6 minutes of stoppage

46' - ⚽ goal them. So easy in behind us... Fory is caught out and not fast enough to catch him. 1v1 vs pants and he can't do it this time. So shit defensively...

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##Halftime

What I've been able to watch has been 50:50. We have played well, but the 2nd goal was how RSL beat us in behind so many times. Our defensive coach is bad.

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Here we go!

57' - Baaaaad ball across the center that is cut out and they got a good chance against. Thankfully we dealt with it.

59' - Antony & Smith ON 🔁 Aravena & Fory OFF

70' - Great play between our boys. Antony with a bike/scissor and their keeper makes a great save.

77' - ⚽ GOAL BASSETT!! HE RIPS A SHOT FROM THE 18 AND IT HITS THE POST THEN FOLLOWS IT UP AND BURIES IT!!!!! LET'S GO!

82' - Mora ON 🔁 Kelsy OFF

83' - 🟨 Yellow card for Bassett (foul)

4 minutes of stoppage

92' - 🧤 Great save by Pants

94' - 2 successive corners lead to nothing. Shit

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#Game over

Good point away! Unbeaten in 2!

#WE WON 6-0!!

WHAT A RESULT!!

WE NEED A BIG WIN TODAY!!! HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE INCOMING!!!

HYPE THREAD

Lineup Thread

Kick off was at 7:40 PM PST.

MLS Match Center

Not at the match today. Feeling under the weather.

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#Portland Timbers 6 - 0 Sporting KC

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2' - 🧤 Their keeper makes an early save, but it was their defender who put it on target. -Replay happened and Kelsy 100% hit it with his hand to flick it on. No call from the ref. The quality shines through already.

6' - ⚽ GOAL VELDE!!!! PHENOMENAL STRIKE!!! HE SMASHED THE BALL SUPER HARD ON TARGET! GOAL OF THE WEEK!!

10' - Velde draws a foul very easily. Good position for a whipped in cross.

16' - ⚽ GOAL KELSY!!! GREAT COMBO PLAY! KELSY TO BASSETT TO DDC AND BACK TO KELSY AND HE TUCKS IT AWAY!! LET'S GO!!! 2 SUPER GOOD GOALS SO FAR!!!

19' - 🟨 Yellow to #4 on SKC

22' - ⚽ GOAL BASSETT!! BALL IS WHIPPED BACK IN AFTER THE INITIAL CORNER GETS HEADED OUT AND BASSETT RUNS ONTO THE SECOND BALL AND BANGS IT FAR POST.

26' - ⚽ GOAL TIMBERS! SKC'S CLEARANCE HITS THEIR OWN DUDE AND IT GOES IN!

33' - 🟨 Yellow card for Caicedo (foul)

35' - Decent chance for Kelsy. Free kick from Velde was tame.

39' - Ended up being offside, but Fory puts in an awesome tackle to save a sure goal.

41' - 🟨 Yellow card for #8 on SKC

+4 minutes stoppage

48' - 🟨 Yellow card for #99 on SKC (pull back on Velde)

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##Halftime

WELL WELL WELL! What a good first half! Best all year! SKC has been so bad and we played great! Hopefully we get 4 more in the second half! We have 3 guys on a brace! We fucking love those!

Chara ON 🔁 Caicedo OFF

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46' - 🧤 Great save by Pants at his near post!

53' - 🟨 Yellow card for #23 SKC

56' - Good chance for SKC, but the backpost runner can't get there.

58' - 🧤 Another chance for SKC. Decent save by Pants.

59' - I think this is 3 times now that we have a good counter attack this half and the guy on 20 yards out decides to just shoot and it gets blocked immediately. Oh well. Still up by 4... Fory is also down potentially injured.

61' - Aravena, Smith, Lassiter & Ortiz ON 🔁 Da Costa, Fory, Antony & Bassett OFF (4 goals, 4 subs)

68' - 🧤 Closest of the "no passing when 3v3" by Aravena. At least forced the keeper to save it...

71' - ⚽ LASSITER!!!! WHAT A HIT FROM A FREEKICK! CENTER ABOUT 24 YARDS OUT! AMAZING POWER AND PLACEMENT!

74' - ⚽ KELSY BACK POST!!! LET'S GOOO!!! LASSITER PLAYS A PEACH OF A BALL TO A WIDE OPEN KELSY WHO HITS IT HARD AND LOW! IN OUR 6TH GOAL, WE HAVE HIT HAT-TRICK WATCH!

76' - 🟨 Yellow card for #7 for SKC

87' - Add another to the "drive up and shoot from 20 yards out with passing options" count. Who has the stat?

88' - Kelsy with a GOOD chance for the hat trick. PUT IT ON FRAME!

90' - 🧤 Pants with a great save! Keeps the shutout alive!

+3 minutes of stoppage

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#GAME OVER

HOLY SHIT! WHAT A NIGHT!

Kelsy didn't even try to shoot his 1 good chance to get a hat-trick. They are just trolling us.

#We lose 0-2

Absent offense. Absent defense. Pants showed up. #mEnTaLiTy

READY FOR ANOTHER WIN! LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO!!!

HYPE THREAD

Lineup Thread

Kick off is at 1:45ish PM PST.

MLS Match Center

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#Portland Timbers 0 - 2 Real Salt Lake

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6' - 🧤 Save by Pantemis. Good job getting down!

9' - FK in a bad position for RSL but they blew the opportunity.

10' - ⚽ goal them. Been all RSL so far. Fory doesn't close and Pants gets beat near post... Fuck.

12' - 🧤 AMAZING 1v1 save by Pants. RSL in behind. Should be 0-2. Great save!

14' - RSL crushes the crossbar. We are just barely present.

19' - Another chance for RSL. Our defense is just being pulled in any direction RSL wants to go. Would be cool if we could keep possession for more than 3 passes.

24' - Another chance for RSL. Fory gets caught out of position and they are behind us again.

26' - AMAZING chance for Kelsy, just headed straight at the keeper.

27' - A good chance for Antony and he hits it at the keeper too. I hope we can figure out how to shoot to either side of the goalie. That will be super effective!

28' - ⚽ Goal them. Just a terrible giveaway in the midfield. Can't figure out a 6 yard pass. Then it is just easy for them to walk through our defense and play a 1-2 and score without much defending happening.

31' - Bonetig done by a ball overtop. Not enough pace. 🧤 Pants saves us again in a 1v1.

35' - We REALLY don't like defending. 🧤 Pants ends up with a save. Kelsy just FUCKING blasts the ball out of bounds when he checks back. We suck so bad.

36' - ⚠️ VAR looking at a possible PK against Bassett. -Call is no foul.

44' - Good 1-2 between Antony and Kelsy. But we can't get a clean chance off. Corner awarded.

45' - RSL plays 3 passes and get a CLEAR cut chance. Nobody marking the back-post runner.

45' - Another easy giveaway. Another easy chance for them. Finn and an RSL dude just smash heads into each other. Almost scored against us from the chance.

4 minutes of stoppage

47' - Surman with a gash on the back of his head. No idea the size of it.

50' - 🧤 ANOTHER good save for Pants. They just walk through us. NBD

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###Halftime

The fact that we are only down by 2 is an absolute miracle. Yes Pants got beat near post on the first one, but he saved 2 different 1v1 chances. Let's hope this halftime talk is the best yet. If not, we are losing this shit and it could easily become an embarrassing scoreline.

K. Miller IN 🔁 Surman OFF

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47' - 🟨 Yellow card to our Assistant Coach - Dave van den Bergh (I think he got it?)

50' - 🧤 Pants with 2 good saves in a row. Bye just gets ghosted and they go in behind again.

53' - Kelsy and another RSL dude smash heads.

56' - Play resumes. Kelsy is still on, thankfully.

59' - Aravena & Smith ON 🔁 Bonetig & Bassett OFF

60' - 🟨 Yellow card to our Fory. (Soft foul)

62' - Good hit from DDC. Keeper beat, just misses the far post.

73' - Velde with a good look, blasts it HIIIIIGH

75' - 🧤 Pants has so many saves ATM. Career high for a single game, if I heard that right. Is it a club record? I'm sure a stat will be put out after the game.

82' - 🟨 Yellow card for Smith (jersey tug from behind)

6 minutes stoppage

92' - Guerra ON 🔁 Kelsy OFF

94' - Great ball in back post. NOBODY decided to make a run. Joke.