I was going through and doing final checks and thinning of the fruit on my dwarf peach tree and I found this on one of the branches. It seems too geometrical to just be sap covering a wound, I'm assuming this is insect/ arachnid activity... But can anyone tell which type? If this is a concerning species I'll just prune the branch and burn it 😅 thanks for any advice!
TL;DR: Can I grow Patterson hybrid onions to full size/maturity in the spaces inside the cinder blocks that compromise the walls of my raised beds? Each space is 5.75" x 5.75", and about 18 inches deep.
Read on for full details/ the reasons I'm even considering attempting this, if you like!
I'm in the process of hardening off the first half of my Patterson hybrid onion starts (started from seed mid-March). Last year, I grew my onions as a sort of barrier that encircled my carrots to try to deter carrot flies and rabbits by hiding the scent of the carrot greens, and it worked very well.
This year, I got my carrots packaged in seed tape instead of in a packet (seemed like a time saver, but we'll see).
Unfortunately, the seed tape evidently shifted in the soil after I'd buried it, and now the carrot sprouts are quite a bit closer to the edge of the raised bed than I'd planned. I won't be able to plant the onions within the bed, around the edges, like I did
last year without disturbing the carrots... probably killing
them.
However, for the last few years I'd pondered if it might be possible to plant things (herbs, flowers, etc) inside the hollow portions of the cinder blocks that compromise the raised bed walls. I do still think the spaces would be great for herbs like chives, basil, etc... But would it be possible for a Patterson onion to reach full size in such a space?
The holes, measured at the interior edges, are 5.75" square, and the space is about 18 inches deep. I've been searching online for the past two days to see if that's good enough, but unfortunately I'm still not certain it's wide enough for an onion. I have seen advice for container gardening of onions that says they need around 4-6 inches of space to grow in, with at least 3 inches in between onions and 10 inches of soil beneath them... But there just isn't much info about what size of pot/ container is required for a single onion.
What do you think? Could it work? Or should I not risk it and just plant them in the middle of the bed (between the rows of carrots instead of around the outside edges) and hope it still deters the carrot flies and other pests? Thanks for your help!
TL;DR: Everybody's struggling. I'm pretty sure (I hope) we can keep working through it, but there's layers of hurt feelings and past traumas all around. We each have our own individual therapist, but we do not yet have a relationship therapist that's familiar with poly dynamics (we live rurally so almost certainly that would need to be remote... Full honesty though, I haven't looked yet). So, we're out here raw-dogging it in these relationship streets. Oh AND we've got neurodivergence as a factor, here, too. Of course.
For more details/ the full vent, read on, at your pleasure:
I (33 AFAB) am in a throuple with my husband (35M) and our partner (29F).
Wait! Please hear me out, and you in the back, consider returning your pitchfork to the tool rack. I solemnly swear there was no unicorn hunting. This throuple formed quite accidentally. My husband and I were in an open relationship prior to marriage... Almost from the beginning of our relationship (which now spans 14 years) it was open, initially just swinging but became truly polyamorous about 3 years into our relationship.
Generally we both prefer KTP, and so when my husband started meeting with someone (nearly 4 years ago now, time flies) I was happy to meet her. He had mainly intended for the relationship to be a more friends-with-benefits style dynamic, where he could hang out and chat and share hobbies but also occasionally have intimacy, because his other friendly fling at the time (a married swinger couple) had successfully gotten pregnant after years of trying, so they were pausing swinging for at least a year, maybe more.
But, when I met her, we truly clicked instantly. I suspected she was autistic, like me (and this was later confirmed via official dog diagnosis). She worked in the same field as me. We had similar tastes and senses of humor. I was very excited that I'd have a new friend, and if she was coming around to hang out and sometimes bang my husband, she'd have an excuse to come hang out with me, too, lol.
And then I went and actually fell in love with her. Thankfully, she is pan, and she said she felt the same way. She had started to actually date my husband about 1 month before I made this realization, and she said she couldn't imagine dating one of us without the other also being part of the dynamic.
Ok? We good? I think I might see that the pitchfork is stored, for now. Alright, moving on.
It's easy to make my relationship with my husband sound idyllic... We've been together for a long time. I do not struggle with jealousy, never really have, and I readily feel compersion. For years, his happiness has brought me happiness. But, for 2-3 years before we met our mutual partner, I felt that I was being emotionally mistreated. He would casually make rude or cutting remarks to me. I felt (and still do often feel) emotionally neglected. Poly is not an attempt to fix those issues, and it never was. In fact, we were poly before they ever arose. But unfortunately, since this is a throuple and not parallel poly, those issues can easily color/ bleed over into aspects of the relationship with our partner.
So, the dreaded scenario (understandably) where the original couple has hierarchy/ preferential treatment compared to the 3rd/ unicorn is definitely not the case, here. In fact, quite the opposite. I derive much more emotional closeness and desire to chat much more with her, and would certainly not prioritize my husband over her. I sometimes find that I'm pushing myself to talk things through or work things out with my husband to just spare upset and emotional turmoil for *our partner*. I don't think she wants to be in a "V"... And so I put in the emotional labor to repair a rupture with him that I didn't cause. But after years of this, I am losing patience, and I'm sure it shows.
And our partner has her own share of past trauma and emotional struggles. She still grapples with jealousy and abandonment wounds. The details are honestly too long to recount here (even for me, lol), but over all, it has not helped with my efforts for me to try to maintain closeness with my husband. Our partner is disabled and unemployed. She is home all the time and does not enjoy leaving the house by herself. But she spirals if my husband and I request alone time (sexual or not), and the emotional fallout for her can last for days.
She has talked to her therapist about it many times. She has even requested that we plan in advance at least one day, each month, where my husband and I intend to go out on a date without her, and announce it ahead of time so that she can mentally prepare. We've done that for 4 months, now, and each time, in the hours leading up to us leaving, she is already freaking out and starting to emotionally shut down. Often, I'll send her updates about how things are going, or send her memes, and keep her updated on our ETA... Typically she will start to ignore me/ stop responding, and by the time we get home she is nonverbal, secluding herself in her room, and she's certain that we don't want her around anymore. And then she gets infuriated with herself and states she feels guilty because we've never given her a "reason" for those feelings... Hence why it becomes a downward spiral.
For my own part, though... I consistently get the feeling that what *actually* bothers her is if she isn't getting time with my *husband*, and that missing out on time with *me* is not nearly as upsetting to her. I get the nagging sense that she considers her romance with my husband to be the "real" romance, and that our relationship is secondary and considered more of a strong friendship with sex thrown in. I have voiced this feeling to her in the past. She insists that the impression that she seeks my husband's attention more strongly than she seeks mine is actually because she feels "*more* secure with me", and more anxiously attached to my husband. She stated this was because he doesn't communicate with her and tell her how he feels, like I do. This makes her anxious, and her reflex is to cling and seek reassurance. (To me this sounds like I'm actually just being taken for granted, but hey, what do I know.)
I mention all of these dynamics because they ALL came to a head yesterday.
Our partner's birthday is on the 10th of this month. Unfortunately my husband and I both had to work that day. We all went out to dinner with her parents and opened presents with her the day before her birthday. I *thought* that was her birthday celebration, but she evidently wanted more quality time with us than that for her birthday, which is valid. So, yesterday, spur of the moment, she messaged our group chat in the morning to request that we all drive to the city (an hour drive) to go thrifting -- one of her favorite hobbies -- and then go to one of her favorite macaroni and cheese restaurants. The plan was last-minute but sounded just fine to me, and I said so in the chat. My husband said nothing.
I got dressed in preparation, and our partner started to shower as part of getting ready to leave. My husband stayed in his pajamas, sat down to his computer, and started playing Crimson Desert.
Our partner finished showering and was drying off while picking out an outfit. He was still playing.
She went and sat on the couch to finish drying off before putting on clothes. He was still playing.
I asked him if he'd seen the group message -- he said yes. I asked if he was planning on coming or staying home, because we weren't leaving immediately but it would probably be soon. He said he'd "probably stay home". No explanation, and he hadn't even turned around/ paused the game ( I did make sure he wasn't actively engaged in combat when I asked, if you're curious).
Our partner looked sullen and said, "This is supposed to be a GROUP outing for my birthday". I reassured her that I am still game to go and I would gladly drive her. She nodded but didn't say anything. Several minutes later, still not dressed, she walked into the office to quietly reiterate that she had wanted this to be a birthday outing with all 3 of us, since we both had the day off. I did not hear him reply to her. He just kept fucking playing. Eventually she walked away. She put on her bathrobe, made herself some instant coffee, and sat back on the couch.
I asked her if she just wanted some extra time before we left? She said she no longer wanted to try to go, because she'd likely just be feeling disappointed the whole time, that it wasn't all three of us there.
In theory, that's totally valid... But that creeping feeling came back, that if it was reversed and I didn't want to go/ couldn't go, she'd be just fine as long as my husband went. The feeling that her relationship with me is not good enough, not "real" enough, to stand on its own, for her.
And I felt hurt, but I also honestly felt enraged that my husband was acting this way, treating BOTH of us this way. I am the primary breadwinner in our household. Our partner enjoys domestic work and likes the space to be cleaned to her standards, so she does the bulk of home chores (we grocery shop together but she cooks, does dishes, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, organizing, the whole shebang).
My husband *does* work full-time, but makes 1/3rd of my income. The main benefit is he has very nice health insurance through his job, which did save us a ton of money when I had a health scare this past year. His contribution is appreciated, but he could quit tomorrow and we could fortunately make it work (at least for now... Hello, oil crisis). But he helps with nothing at home, including outdoor chores, home repair... Just, nothing. He works. He comes home. He does what he wants, and spends money how he wants.
And somehow, just being *kind*... Being emotionally present... Showing enthusiastic desire to spend time with either of us... Communicating his thoughts and feelings... It's apparently just too much for him. In theory, he is living the dream, and still can't be bothered to do much of anything to maintain it. My anger just keeps building. I'm sure our partner senses it.
I told our partner that I felt like we should just go out to eat and not invite him. If he wants to wallow in video games and not talk to anyone, he can feel free. He can make his own food and just sit there all day. But... don't expect us to talk to him and make nice once he finally deigns to bless us with his divine presence.
Our partner immediately tried to make excuses for him, that she sprung the plans on him and that she herself struggles with last-minute plans. I asked her if he TOLD her that his issue was lack of advance notice? "I don't know, he... Didn't answer me." How is that acceptable? Why make excuses for it?
He later told us, when he finally emerged from the office, that he was having a bad pain day and couldn't imagine being in a car for hours and walking around and NOT being cranky about it. Sure. Valid. But use your big boy words and SAY SO. Don't sit there silently and just play your game while people are asking to spend time with you, and ignore them with no explanation. It is SO RUDE. OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
And, again, I can't help but feel that I would not be given any of these free passes, if I were to suddenly be so rude, blatantly refuse to answer questions when I'm directly asked, ignore everyone, just do my own thing... Pretty sure people would start losing their minds if I did that, especially our partner.
Yeah. The throuple thing is just doing all of this relationship stuff on goddamn x-games mode. Especially when one of your partners is an ass who utterly refuses to communicate (unless of course it's to casually toss a verbal jab in our direction).
Congratudolences if you made it through this whole vent 🥹🫡
Don't worry, haha, I have NO intention to try to can anything in these! TL;DR -- what do you think I could use as a water-tight lid for these jars?
I got 3 of these massive glass jars for free from a Buy Nothing Facebook group. They did not come with any lids. I wanted them for storing dry goods. I live in a very old farmhouse (built in 1801) so NOWHERE is safe from mice, including my root cellar. I need hard containers to store anything safely -- the original packaging won't cut it.
The cellar is also fairly humid, around 60-70% after rain (despite the dehumidifier that is constantly running). So I'm seeking options to make a water-tight lid, so that I can put a few desiccant packs into the container and prevent the sugar and salt from becoming one giant clump from ambient moisture.
For simply storing them in the cellar, I had used some paper towels and cotton twine just to keep dust out of them. However, if I used a sheet of rubber/ silicone and tied it down with a similar method using twine (see pictures), would that be water tight?
Or, do you know if a flexible rubber/ silicone that could be stretched to seal over the top? The mouth of the jar is a little over 9 inches wide.
I'm open to any ideas, thanks for your help!