After a long battle with endo, infertility, multiple surgeries/hysterectomy, I feel completely disconnected from my body. I want zero intimacy. I don’t want to be touched and cannot fathom the idea of intercourse. I feel so very broken. Has anyone experienced this?
I’m 4 months after a hysterectomy for advanced endo and adenomyosis. I suffered with debilitating disease for years, underwent multiple surgeries. No organ is left untouched. We did three rounds of IVF, one of which was pretty traumatic due to various reasons. I elected to have a hysterectomy, which has been so great in terms of the physical pain but emotionally, I cannot cope. I get triggered by everything. Pregnant women, babies, children playing. I wake up seeing the child that I was supposed to have. It is brutal. Mg husband does not understand the degree of pain that I feel on a daily basis. I feel like my body is shut down. I have zero interest in intimacy, don’t want to be touched. I don’t know what the point is anymore.
I have a stressful but rewarding job. Endo has impacted my career significantly. I cannot pursue my goals because of my health. So, I don’t have the career that I want, I cannot have a child, I cannot exercise the way that I want to, cannot enjoy my relationship.
I am so bitter and angry. It is all so unfair. I was always the good-girl, followed the path, achieved the diplomas and I was dealt a 12 year battle with anorexia, endo, infertility etc. It is hard to keep going, putting in a happy face, celebrating milestones, hearing stupid comments including.
How do you cope? How do you feel less lonely? How do you trust your body when it has betrayed you so much? How do you not try pissex off when someone thanks their child for choosing them to be their parent?