Review of my Fantasy World's Lore & Map
Hi everyone,
I have been working on the lore of my next fantasy tabletop RPG campaign (a d20/D&D-adjacent system) for the last year. I have reached a point where outside perspectives and a fresh set of eyes will have a much higher return than me continuing to tweak it in a vacuum.
I am looking to get comments, critiques, and outside perspectives on what works, what feels flat, and what might need to be added or reworked.
World Overview
The History: The world was once torn apart by Outsiders (Great Old Ones), and the Old Gods had to sacrifice themselves to save what was left. Their sacrifices created a Mist of Aether that trapped the Outsiders away from the remaining pieces of existence. Over millennia, these isolated landmasses slowly crashed into each other, creating a centralized world (the Material Plane). With time, creatures from these disparate lands came together to form countries, organizations, and magically infused areas.
The Current Status: The campaign starts at a point of tense equilibrium. Most countries have found a baseline of non-aggression; not because they like each other, but because nobody has the resources for organized wars. Every nation is constantly assaulted by outside forces: wild forests creatures, fiendish breaches, invasions from newly crashed landmasses, monsters mutated by the Mist, massive behemoths, and habitual internal squabbles.
What's Inside the Document
- Map: A detailed map of the world made using Wonderdraft. Contains labels for most entries. The core of the map is there but the scale and some of the details are still a work in progress (mostly trees and other filler symbols).
- History: The deeper context of the world's shattered past (kept brief, as it's ancient history to locals).
- The 13 Gods: A short breakdown of the Gods, their societal influence, and their domains (elemental domains are kept separate from the gods).
- Other Great Entities: A list of external powers, cosmic threats, and powerful beings suitable for Warlock patrons or cultist worship.
- World Entries: Short entries for every point of interest on the map. These are written from the perspective of general local knowledge (no GM-only spoilers here, so players can read it too).
-- Note on the Geography: The unusual/weird layout of the physical map is explicitly justified by the lore of different world fragments violently colliding over time.
The Campaign Starting Plan
I intend to start the campaign on the Iron Border in Vigil. The party will begin as prisoners dragged off a convict ship to join the Mist-walkers. They all have true or falsified crimes, but have been offered a clean slate if they survive a few months on the brutal front lines of the Death Strip. I want them to experience a bit of survival horror against Mist monsters before they are exposed to the Mist themselves, triggering their true awakening into full-fledged Adventurers.
***
The Lore Document
This is a 21-page document, so I entirely understand if you only read fragments of it! I am incredibly grateful for any time you take to look it over.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11iB8FPPjgsDSwyU_17qXgpVdhh6lqBpDIuiEWIyyE-g/edit?usp=sharing
(Note: Commenting access is enabled on the document! If you leave a note inside the doc, feel free to drop your Reddit username so I can credit/thank you here!)
Questions for the Reviewers
- The Pantheon: Looking at the 13 Gods and Other Great Entities, do you see any major thematic or mechanical domains missing from the 13 Gods portfolios?
- Clarity: Do any of the world entries feel confusing or require better phrasing to be understandable for a player?
- Gaps: Do you see any glaring holes in the world design or elements that feel like they are missing an obvious piece of lore?
- The Map vs. The Lore: Based on the map and the lore, do the political and physical borders feel believable?