r/FantasyWorldbuilding

I.e: lore, species, magic, other continents, ect

Hi everyone,
I have been working on the lore of my next fantasy tabletop RPG campaign (a d20/D&D-adjacent system) for the last year. I have reached a point where outside perspectives and a fresh set of eyes will have a much higher return than me continuing to tweak it in a vacuum.

I am looking to get comments, critiques, and outside perspectives on what works, what feels flat, and what might need to be added or reworked.

World Overview
The History: The world was once torn apart by Outsiders (Great Old Ones), and the Old Gods had to sacrifice themselves to save what was left. Their sacrifices created a Mist of Aether that trapped the Outsiders away from the remaining pieces of existence. Over millennia, these isolated landmasses slowly crashed into each other, creating a centralized world (the Material Plane). With time, creatures from these disparate lands came together to form countries, organizations, and magically infused areas.

The Current Status: The campaign starts at a point of tense equilibrium. Most countries have found a baseline of non-aggression; not because they like each other, but because nobody has the resources for organized wars. Every nation is constantly assaulted by outside forces: wild forests creatures, fiendish breaches, invasions from newly crashed landmasses, monsters mutated by the Mist, massive behemoths, and habitual internal squabbles.

What's Inside the Document

- Map: A detailed map of the world made using Wonderdraft. Contains labels for most entries. The core of the map is there but the scale and some of the details are still a work in progress (mostly trees and other filler symbols).
- History: The deeper context of the world's shattered past (kept brief, as it's ancient history to locals).
- The 13 Gods: A short breakdown of the Gods, their societal influence, and their domains (elemental domains are kept separate from the gods).
- Other Great Entities: A list of external powers, cosmic threats, and powerful beings suitable for Warlock patrons or cultist worship.
- World Entries: Short entries for every point of interest on the map. These are written from the perspective of general local knowledge (no GM-only spoilers here, so players can read it too).
-- Note on the Geography: The unusual/weird layout of the physical map is explicitly justified by the lore of different world fragments violently colliding over time.

The Campaign Starting Plan
I intend to start the campaign on the Iron Border in Vigil. The party will begin as prisoners dragged off a convict ship to join the Mist-walkers. They all have true or falsified crimes, but have been offered a clean slate if they survive a few months on the brutal front lines of the Death Strip. I want them to experience a bit of survival horror against Mist monsters before they are exposed to the Mist themselves, triggering their true awakening into full-fledged Adventurers.

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The Lore Document
This is a 21-page document, so I entirely understand if you only read fragments of it! I am incredibly grateful for any time you take to look it over.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/11iB8FPPjgsDSwyU_17qXgpVdhh6lqBpDIuiEWIyyE-g/edit?usp=sharing
(Note: Commenting access is enabled on the document! If you leave a note inside the doc, feel free to drop your Reddit username so I can credit/thank you here!)

Questions for the Reviewers

1.  The Pantheon: Looking at the 13 Gods and Other Great Entities, do you see any major thematic or mechanical domains missing from the 13 Gods portfolios?
2.  Clarity: Do any of the world entries feel confusing or require better phrasing to be understandable for a player?
3.  Gaps: Do you see any glaring holes in the world design or elements that feel like they are missing an obvious piece of lore?
4.  The Map vs. The Lore: Based on the map and the lore, do the political and physical borders feel believable?

[removed]

Séathna is the northwestern province of Tír Ghlas. It is quite large but sparsely populated, as the terrain is extremely rugged and mountainous. Its capital is Dúnfort, an important port located on the estuary of a major river.

The southern part of the province is covered by the vast forest known as Máthair na n-Aibneacha—or Mother of Rivers—as it contains the sources of no fewer than five great waterways.