u/Separate_Macaron_471

AI has been used to keep things vague and not hinder our privacy. It was all over the place. And this is going to be a long one.

I (27F) married my husband (30M) last year through an arranged-marriage setup.
I wasn’t completely dependent on the arranged setup, though. I was still using dating apps because I hadn’t given up on finding someone myself. That’s how I met my husband.
We met twice. On our third date, I asked him if he’d meet my parents because of some circumstances at home. He agreed. I wasn’t even completely sure about him at that point, so I asked my parents to meet him and tell me whether they thought he was a good guy and whether I should take it further.
What attracted me to him was that he was hardworking, ambitious, caring, family-oriented, financially independent from his father and, honestly, I found him very attractive.
Initially, everything seemed fine.
Then I started seeing small things with his mother.
When we went to choose my engagement outfit, she disliked almost everything I liked. Eventually, she agreed to a very sober ₹16,000 outfit. It wasn’t terrible, just much duller than what I would have chosen for myself. My husband asked me if I was happy with it and I said yes.
The same thing happened with jewellery. His mother wanted her son to buy her jewellery that was bigger/more expensive than mine. She got a ring, earrings and a set. I didn’t make an issue of it because I knew she’d given up a lot of her own jewellery for the family in the past, and I genuinely felt she deserved to have some nice things.
Then there was an incident involving my acne and medication.
I had developed severe acne very suddenly because of stress, and my MIL insisted I see a homeopathy doctor. During the appointment, she started discussing my anti-anxiety medication in front of the doctor in a way that made me extremely uncomfortable.
She already knew about my medication before the roka. My husband had told her because he believed she’d understand, especially because mental-health treatment had existed in their own family.
My mother eventually had to speak to them about it. Things seemed resolved, but my MIL kept bringing it up repeatedly afterward.
Then came the wedding.
At my mehendi, my MIL and SIL showed up with no makeup at all, which seemed strange at the time. At the wedding, my MIL wore a saree in almost the same colour as mine and one of my jewellery sets. It honestly didn’t bother me because I was the bride and I wasn’t worried about being upstaged.
The real problems started immediately after the wedding.
My SIL left for college the day after the wedding, and from literally day one, my MIL started checking our rooms, our belongings, our Blinkit/Swiggy orders, etc.
Even on our honeymoon, I was constantly told not to buy things. It was embarrassing because I come from a financially comfortable family and wasn’t used to being monitored over relatively normal spending.
Within two weeks, things became extremely stressful.
My MIL would regularly shout about how we were wasting “her” money.
She and my SIL would wait for my husband to come home and then immediately start fighting with him before he could even come to me. I would be sitting in another room listening to them scream at each other about old family issues.
Food became another issue. MIL wouldn’t ask the cook to accommodate small things I asked for, like grinding tomatoes or certain masalas. When I started cooking for myself, that somehow became an issue too because my MIL said I was “separating kitchens.”
My monthly appointments were called “gulchare uda rahi hai.”
Going on a work trip with my husband was called “ayaashi.”
We were kicked out of the house three times within approximately 3.5 months of marriage.
Every time, my parents would come, bring us back, and try to resolve things.
At one point, my MIL even kicked her own son out in the middle of the highway during an argument. She drove back home and left him there; he had to take a cab back.
The final time we were asked to leave, my parents came over and everyone sat down to talk.
My SIL, who had been away for around three months, happened to return home around the same time.
During that conversation, I heard my MIL and SIL discussing the net worth of my family.
At that point, my parents helped us move into an apartment they owned as an investment.
While my parents were helping us establish a separate home, my in-laws continued calling and harassing us.
Eventually, my husband converted their assets to a rental income of 2L a month.
After that, the calls stopped.
His sister refused Rakhi/Tikka.
My MIL refused to do her part for my first Karwa Chauth.
For months, they would call around 10:30 at night and create another issue.
And somewhere in all of this, my marriage started disappearing.
Initially, sex wasn’t even part of the problem.
But I was under so much stress that I lost around 8 kg in three months.
I became angry, irritable and constantly on edge.
I started saying no to sex because my husband would often come to our room immediately after a massive fight with his family — fights I could literally hear from the other room.
I couldn’t switch from hearing people scream at him/us to suddenly feeling emotionally and sexually connected to him.
Over time, I became distant.
We’ve now been living away from his family for around 1 year 2 months.
I thought things would eventually settle.
Then one day, his family called him and abruptly started abusing me over ₹6 lakh. It was for a loan repayment of the assets they were enjoying with a rental income.
That was my breaking point.
Something inside me just broke.
My trust, patience and whatever love I still felt started collapsing.
The anger between my husband and me escalated after that, although it has never become physical.
We’re now about 1.5 years into our marriage and I genuinely don’t feel like myself anymore.
The biggest problem is that I don’t trust my husband.
I feel like whatever he told me about his family before marriage turned out to be untrue or incomplete. There have been lies, and now I can’t distinguish between what is true and what isn’t.
My mother keeps telling me, “Men don’t know anything before getting married.” Maybe that’s partly true. Maybe he genuinely didn’t understand what his family was capable of.
But I don’t know if ignorance is enough to repair what happened.
And this is where I’m completely stuck.
I don’t know if I’m still in love with him.
I don’t think I’m attracted to him in the same way anymore, although I still want sex. I just can’t seem to have it with him.
I don’t know whether that’s because I’ve lost attraction or because I’ve associated him with everything that happened.
I also feel guilty about wanting to leave.
His parents kicked him out too. If I leave, where does he go?
But at the same time, I know I can’t stay married to someone simply because I’m afraid of what will happen to him if I leave.
I’ve had to move geographically, build a home, take care of the house, cook because I don’t like other people cooking for me, raise a puppy, deal with loneliness and essentially rebuild my entire life.
I’ve also developed some unhealthy coping mechanisms. I’m constantly on my phone, I’ve been smoking weed heavily, I cry a lot, sulk, feel angry and have very little motivation.
And the saddest part is that I don’t recognise myself anymore.
I also can’t imagine having a child with my husband anymore.
It’s not even about the child itself. I don’t want his mother anywhere near that part of my life. I don’t want anything to do with her or her orbit — and unfortunately, her son is part of that orbit.
At the same time, I know my husband and I were probably the two people most affected by his family’s behaviour.
The fights weren’t ours.
The original problems weren’t ours.
But we’re the ones living with the consequences.
And that breaks my heart.
I don’t know if there is still a marriage here to save, or if I’m just holding on because I feel guilty about leaving someone who has already lost his family.
How do I figure out whether I’ve actually fallen out of love with my husband, or whether I’m emotionally shut down because of everything that happened?
And if you’ve been through something similar — where your in-laws caused enormous damage to your marriage — how did you know whether the marriage itself was over or whether it could still be rebuilt?
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TL;DR: I (27F) have been married to my husband (30M) for 1.5 years. Shortly after the wedding, my MIL/SIL became controlling and hostile—monitoring our spending, criticising my cooking and outings, interfering constantly, and kicking us out 3 times in 3.5 months. My parents eventually helped us move out, but his family continued harassing us and later abused me over ₹6 lakh.
The constant conflict caused me severe stress, weight loss, resentment and emotional disconnection. I stopped wanting sex with my husband, especially after hearing him fight with his family, and over time I stopped trusting him because I feel many things he told me before marriage were lies or incomplete truths.
We’ve been away from his family for 1 year 2 months, but I still don’t feel like myself. I’m lonely, angry, withdrawn and have developed unhealthy coping habits. I still want sex, but I can’t seem to have it with him. I can’t imagine having children with him because I want absolutely nothing to do with his family.
My husband has also been hurt by his family, and I feel guilty about leaving because they kicked him out too. But I’m starting to wonder whether I’ve simply fallen out of love with him or whether I’m emotionally shut down from everything that happened.
How do I know whether the marriage itself is over, or whether what happened with his family has made me unable to connect with him?

Looking at a 2bhk unit in Godrej South Estate, Okhla. We have multiple things to take note here -

1. Layout is clean and good. The unit sizes are good.
2. Location is right in middle for someone who works across Delhi NCR, connecting Noida, Faridabad, south delhi and Gurgaon.
3. May be accessible to all the areas, but the look outside the balcony is in question. Okhla has been an industrial area for the longest, with no residential options. You may find Sanjay Colony nearby. The area may be busy in the morning (work hours) but it’s a lot more silent at night. Less chances of street nuisance.
4. They are offering unbeatable parking spots with a 4 layer garage. That means no fighting for parking space ever, it way too much for the units residing so that’s a +
5. Top floors are a better choice since privacy invasion can be questioned for the lower ones.

It’s less about ₹ but more of convenience. Correct me if I am wrong or have not considered certain things. Thank you ☺️

It’s heartbreaking to see how many women get trapped in toxic households. I feel fortunate that I was able to leave before it destroyed me completely. Recent news has me going back to what I endured and be grateful for where I am today.

My marriage was a love-cum-arranged marriage. I met my husband myself, saw potential in him, and introduced him to my parents before moving forward. Everything initially seemed normal—not perfect, but manageable. There were small issues in his family, but nothing that hinted at the level of toxicity that would unfold later.

I do hold my husband accountable for not fully sharing the day-to-day reality of his home. But over time, I realised much of the hostility came from his family’s jealousy and emotional instability.

The first signs appeared immediately after marriage.

The day after our wedding, my sister-in-law left for college without showing any interest in spending time with the family. I ignored it because she was pursuing an MBA. But on the day we left for our honeymoon, my mother-in-law (MIL) created unnecessary stress an hour before our airport departure. Around the same time, she started making comments about money:

“This is my money, I won’t let you waste it.”

This was over trivial things like buying a dustbin or a ₹1,000 Miniso bill. She openly checked our room whenever we stepped out, using maids as an excuse. Even grabbing McDonald’s before leaving for our honeymoon became an issue.

During our honeymoon, we kept receiving calls asking us not to waste money shopping. It was humiliating because my background was never hidden. I come from an upper-middle-class South Delhi family, and my parents had even gifted us $500 for the trip. I genuinely believe that became the start of their resentment.

After we returned, things escalated slowly but constantly.

Dustbins were checked. Spending was monitored. Even when I cleaned my own sink or toilet, my MIL accused me of “wasting money” because they already paid a maid. The irony was that I was voluntarily doing those things for my own comfort.

Food became another issue.

I quietly struggled with their style of cooking because I dislike seeing whole tomatoes, onions, or whole spices in food. Instead of complaining, I simply ate less. After weeks of my MIL complaining that I “never eat,” we sat down and discussed a simple solution—blending the masalas in a mixer. She agreed in the moment but never actually implemented it.

Small incidents started revealing deeper disrespect.

A new pure linen night suit I had bought for my first night was ruined while we were away. It had clearly been stained and aggressively scrubbed. When I gently tried to make things easier by telling my MIL it was okay and I would still wear it at home, she casually dismissed it with:

“Yeh toh hota hi rehta hai.”

A silver tray gifted to me by a relative was deliberately used as a chopping board, despite me clearly explaining that it was silverware. It ended up covered in knife marks. When I ordered a proper wooden chopping board, she refused to use it, claiming “wood particles would go into her mouth,” only to later secretly buy and use her own.

Nothing was ever about logic. It was about control.

I was asked to use expired maida and damaged cookware to make pancakes. I had barely cooked before marriage, but I started cooking because they refused to make even the smallest adjustments. Every personal expense became an attack. If I went for therapy, dermat appointments, nails, laser sessions, or even coffee, my MIL would say:

“Gulcharre uda rahi hai pata nahi kahan.”

The house atmosphere became unbearable.

Every single evening there would be screaming fights about money. The moment my husband came home, instead of peace, his mother would start shouting over tiny expenses. Before marriage, his parents proudly claimed he was the backbone of the family and had transformed their finances. After marriage, the narrative changed completely. Suddenly he had “ruined” them financially.

The truth was very different.

When my husband stepped into the family business, they had roughly 5 crore in assets. By age 30, he had helped grow it significantly, including major property profits and investments. Yet after marriage, his contributions were erased and twisted into accusations.

Even small things became toxic.

If I made food for myself because I was hungry, I’d hear:

“Main kitchen separate nahi hone dungi.”

Meals became associated with stress and humiliation. I lost 8 kilos in 3 months.

Things eventually became abusive.

My MIL kicked us out twice. Each time, my parents helped us return because we still wanted to save the marriage and family dynamic. But after every return, we were taunted with:

“Kya hua? Unhone rakha nahi?”

At one point, my MIL abandoned her own son on the roadside after an argument and drove away, forcing him to take a cab home. This happened after I had encouraged him to spend time alone with her to improve their relationship.

The final breaking point came when both families sat down together.

Instead of accountability, my in-laws blamed my parents and accused us of controlling their son with money. They even suggested my mother and I had intentionally made me lose weight to manipulate appearances.

Meanwhile, my husband had spent years sacrificing for them.

When my father-in-law had cancer, he had no savings or insurance. My husband put everything on the line to get him treated at the best hospital possible. Yet none of that mattered anymore.

My SIL also became increasingly hostile. She barely visited during our struggles but somehow remained deeply invested in discussing my family’s financial status. I later realised she was heavily influencing my MIL behind the scenes.

The double standards were unbelievable.

When my husband travelled for work, it was labelled “ayashi.” When my SIL travelled for work, it was called “career.” She could order Swiggy daily at her hostel, but I was criticised for ordering food.

Eventually, we left.

Not once did they ask us to stay. No emotional effort, no concern, no support. Instead, they continued using my husband for property work, business collections, and financial responsibilities while emotionally abusing both of us.

Even after separation, the abuse continued.

Months later, my MIL suggested my husband should turn me into a “dance girl” or send me to a kotha for money—all because he used 6 lakhs from their account to close a loan connected to family property matters.

That was the final line.

My husband slowly cut contact completely.

Today, it has been 11 months of no contact for me and 5 months for him. Life feels peaceful again. I’ve started smiling, eating properly, cooking, creating, and living again. We even got a puppy.

Sometimes I still feel unsafe or emotionally affected by what happened. But I also see my husband trying every day to become a healthier person and build a better life away from that toxicity.

I know many women never get the opportunity to leave because they lack financial or emotional support. I was lucky to have parents who stood by me and a husband who eventually chose to walk away from the abuse too.

I’m grateful I only spent 3 months in that house.

And if karma exists, I hope it eventually reaches the people who caused all of this.