Navigating arranged marriage compatibility
I'm 33M, based in the US, and currently talking to someone through the arranged marriage process. She's in India and seems decent on paper. She's open to moving abroad, asks questions about my life and seems genuinely interested. But I'm really struggling with how to make a real judgement call given all the constraints involved.
A bit of background
I've tried meeting people here in the US and even had genuine feelings for someone, but nothing worked out. So here I am navigating the arranged marriage route. Honestly though, after going through this process with multiple people over several months, I've become a bit numb. It gets harder to feel genuinely excited about someone new every few weeks and I think that's affecting my ability to evaluate clearly too.
The core problem
I can only travel to India for a limited number of days before it starts affecting work. And traditional family setups usually expect you to meet once or twice, mostly under family observation, and give an answer fairly soon after. That's barely enough time to figure out if you actually connect with someone beyond surface level politeness.
There are things I just can't figure out from calls alone. I can't tell if her willingness to move is genuine alignment with my life or if she's primarily looking for a way out. I can't assess whether we could have a real honest conversation and not just say the right things in front of family. I can't get a read on her actual ambitions or whether our day to day lives would even be compatible.
The visa situation makes everything more complicated
If things do move forward we're looking at the H4 spouse visa route which currently has really long wait times just to get an appointment, forget processing. That means potentially multiple trips to India, one to meet, one for the wedding, possibly more for paperwork, all while trying not to completely derail work.
What I'm actually asking
For people who've been through this especially those living abroad who married someone from India, how did you make the call with so little time together in person? Did you push back on the one meeting norm and how did your families respond? How did you plan your trips around visa timelines without burning through all your PTO?
And for those where it worked out, what was the signal that gave you enough confidence to say yes despite all the uncertainty?
Not looking for follow your heart type advice. Just want to know how real people actually navigated this practically.