u/ShadowhunterLoki

I used to have big expectations for my future self. I was a shy person and had strict parents, so I daydreamed a lot about what I'd be like when I grew up. When life wouldn't be so controlled by my parents. The only thing I took pride in was my never-ending curiosity, as I loved reading & learning new things

When I'd become an adult, I wanted to be all the things I wasn't throughout my childhood: social, fashionable, athletic, the list goes on. I had so many outfits sketched, sports I wanted to get into

Now I'm 23, and none of that has become a reality. Of course it was very naive to think that turning 18 would be a magic switch where I'd get to do everything I wanted. I'm still fat, don't have the confidence to wear the outfits I want and socially a nightmare. I've had 4 years of uni and still no friends aside from my highschool friends, who have gotten their own groups of friends at this point

I feel like my upbringing gave me irreversible damage to my personality. I'm just quiet, shy and frankly boring. I'm not able to hold natural conversations or laugh at brainrot jokes, so I probably come off as way too serious as well. To cope with my loneliness/depression I've just become a bedrotter, scrolling Reddit, Youtube and Tiktok for hours. Just a lazy and deeply uncool person... .

I honestly don't know where to start with improving myself, as I hate everything. My looks, my habits, my lack of social skills, my clothes. None of them have an easy fix. Has anybody else been in a position like this before, and how did you improve yourself?