u/Sharp-Bag4675

Bro I just want a gf and every girl I’ve ever liked either lives a million miles away is straight or doesn’t wanna come out of the closet I can’t deal.

I F16 and Lola(fake name) F16 met 2 years ago in 2024 at a soccer overnight trip we were there representing our state in a tournament there were two teams from our state and we were on the same one. Keep in mind I didn’t know I was gay at this point and when I met her I just had this crazy pull to her. On the last night of the trip me, her and a couple others from the other team stayed up until 3am just chatting and having good fun. When we had to go back to our room me and Lola were just giggling the whole time and I just had this crazy feeling about her. Anyway a couple months pass by and we see each other a bit when our club teams play against each other. After the summer is over we talk a bit over snap but not much we kinda drift apart. In November of 2024 I came out to my friends realising I was a lesbian they were all very accepting and supportive and I am forever grateful. Anyway at around Christmas break she starts spam texting me and randomly started sending me loads of vlogs of her and my feelings start rushing back. But we like never see each other irl. A couple of weeks go by and I confess my feelings to her, she told me that she had felt the same way about me but that she isn’t out to anyone other than me and that she isn’t really ready for a relationship with anyone just yet. I told her that’s perfectly fine and that I’ll be there for her when she is ready for anything. Keep in mind we still don’t see each other irl. We keep talking all day and all night. 6 months go by…. and we both were at a match watching it, I go over to talk to her for a bit it was fine we both had exams so we were testing each other a bit and it’s fine but then some of our friends from our separate friend groups come over and it gets a bit awkward. Also some of her friends can tell I like her not knowing that she had feelings for me or that she was queer at all and they just think I’m a bit weird for it. Later that I I texted her saying that I still had feelings for her and I wanted to know is she was ready for anything, she told me that she didn’t have feelings for me anymore and that she was sorry for leading me on. I was devastated like heartbroken I really liked her and I genuinely thought she felt the same way. A month goes by and we aren’t really talking that much but my team got into a cup final and the committee in my club we asking us to get try her loads of people to try get a big crowd there. I asked her if she wanted to come unfortunately she couldn’t but she wished me well, later that night she said she was sorry for hardly texting me anymore she said that her friends thought it was weird I had a crush on her and it made her feel really awkward whenever she saw me. I said it’s ok and that I was over her (i wasn’t) and that I hoped that we could be friends again she said that she would like that and we started snapping again but not as much as we used to but I was fine with that I was just happy to have her in my life again. Fast forward to a couple months ago we start texting a lot again but I had thought I had moved on with her like I went out with a couple of other girls dying that time we were kinda texting. But she is like really invested in my love life and we stay up like all night talking and my feelings came rushing back i didn’t tell any of my friends because I know they don’t like her that much for leading me on. We also sometimes talk about how we both liked each other and I asked her is she would ever come out and she said no and that she is living in denial about it. Fast forward a couple months we both train for our national team and since she’s a bit older than me she is at the session before mine and she injured her foot and was watching our session and the whole time I just catch her staring at me all the time later that I we are texting again just taking about everything and it great I told one of my friends about it and showed her how much we talk and she was like “I don’t even text my bf that much what the hell”. A couple days ago I sent her a tik tok and it said happy pride to all my closest girls and she said I don’t accept and I said you should learn to she said no never ever I said hypothetically what happens if you fall in love with a girls and want to marry her but your still in the closet (I know it’s rude to ask that but I just wanted to)she said I won’t ever let it happen and i just said oh damn. We just text so much and my friend definitely thinks she likes me after seeing our texts but idk if I ca go through that again I just need others opinions please 🙏