In Switzerland we have old sayings like "iz platzt mr de gd dr Chrage!" as in "soon my collar will explode!" or
"iz zeigi dr de gd wo dr Ueli dr Moscht hout!" as in "soon i will show you where Ueli fetches the Applejuice!"
To make it clear, that we are very mad and we stayed calm to this point, but not for much longer.
Commonly used with misbehaving children.
Anyone else have any sayings like this?
I (28, f) grew up with both my parents and two brothers (I'm the sandwich child and have always been the "easy one" - meaning I was best able to comply and live around my mother's narcissism from a very young age). For more than a year I have no contact to my mother at all, despite her having been very involved in my life.
This all happened mainly due to me not having the capacity anymore to always put her need first and make my life revolve around her expectations since I have my own family now. I only realized that circumstances were not normal a few years ago and am still hoping to find a way to not having to exclude her from my life completely. But I am really struggling and i don't want to accept yet that I can't have any contact with her anymore. Of course I set some very strict boundaries and her not being able to accept them led to us having no contact at all.
What I am thinking about currently, thanks to my partner who is very attentive and lovingly told me things he doesn't appreciate in my behaviour and he sees my mother in them, is exactly those patterns. E.g. I save leverage from mistakes he made and think to myself "well thats just who he is i will accept it its not that bad" but then when he's taking the courage to tell me things he doesn't like me doing or i should be doing better i immediately go to these "saved arguments" to level out guilt in the situation and get myself out of it by blaming him for something else he also doesn't do right. I feel very toxic and manipulative doing this, even though i didn't even realize it. And it feels so my mum.
I wonder what else is there and how do i find out? What do i do about it? Therapists don't really seem to understand i tried that. Has anyone experience with this and if so, what did you do? Is there methods i can try by myself? Or with my partner together?
These things really put a strain on our relationship and i hope to become an honest and good person even though i never had examples for what that ACTUALLY means.