u/ShoddyApartment386

(Bit of a rant skip to second paragraph to get my feelings about getting off meds)

I was first prescribed antipsychotics right after turning 15. I was given seroquel as well as Zoloft at the time as my symptoms didn’t approve (no duh they were treating symptoms of symptoms caused by trauma instead of treating the trauma) the dose of Zoloft they gave was rapidly goosed up to 225mg to because that was the dose my siblings had been on in the past and “helped” them. This started a year and half long process where I was on a new antidepressant every month. Then I was given risperidone for a year gained 70 pounds on it then I was switched to Latuda which would amplify my manic episodes like crazy causing me to do all sorts of dumb stuff I’m lucky I didn’t get caught doing and the people that did knew my situation or what I did during manic episodes could have seriously jeopardized my life. I was than put on Vraylar which if any of your drs recommend you DONT! I have a permanent heart problem from it and always need heart medicine on me wherever I go now. And I was on it for 9 days it’s extremely bad for the heart. I soon as I started it I would be so sleepy or panicking because my heart was bothering me. Cue a hospital visit due to heart palpitations I was given Abilify which made my libido skyrocket to an uncomfortable degree which I was not used to since my stint on Abilify is the only time I’ve had a libido since being medicated. I was than given olanzipane which made me hallucinate more. When they tried to put me on haldol I had enough. No more antipsychotics or antidepressants.

Ever since than it’s been a slow tough recovery, but it’s been worth it. Even after the first few weeks you can think again. Like critically think again effectively. I can question things again for example when I was medded up my opinions on things would shift from who I was around and what I was being told. I had a social studies teacher who sent me down the far right pipeline because I was simply not able to come up with counterarguments or counter points. I’m no longer relying on others to think for me and point me in the right direction. I can analyze that for myself again and it’s truly such a great feeling. It’s wild how agreeable you are on medications. And extremely terrifying. Thinking now there are things I would have never let them do to me if I could think clearly like I can now. I have motivation again. I don’t have a great motivational source its spite for my drs and family but hey at least its motivation I haven’t felt any of that for the past 5 years.

I also found it’s a lot easier to manage my symptoms myself. May have been because I got diagnosed with CPTSD even tho I received no support for it and not constantly wondering what the hell is wrong with me. (Tho it doesn’t explain why I hallucinate so frequently but at least a lot of what I deal with) It was extremely tough at first to be in my own head but it gets easier. It truly does and it doesn’t stay so scary and uncomfortable after a while. I will never be who I was again. I know I will never be as social I used to be and I don’t know if I will ever feel natural attraction for someone ever again honestly but I have a little bit of hope, since even my memory and my ability to do things has gotten a lot better. Long story short there is hope but it’s a very long road. Though you are capable of it:)