r/drugscirclejerk

So I live in a bad part of town in an American city. There's a lot of shooting and jenkem labs here. When I walk to take the train to work, I can smell the fermenting shit from the sidewalk. It's reeked here ever since I was a kid.

Anyway, like many of my friends, I too fell into jenkem, as well as research chemicals like crack and marijuana. Been addicted to what's called a "triple spliff" (weed/tobacco/jenkem) for the past year because I'm trying to take a T-Break from crack. I don't usually do jenkem daily.

So earlier today I was blazing up my triple spliff and playing Xbox when I got a knock on the door. Keep in mind, I'm an 85 year old man, and I'm only 13 years old. It takes me a while to get up from the couch and I'm not supposed to answer the door for strangers anyway, but I don't care what my parents tell me because I'm grown up enough to answer the door.

Guess who was on the other side? Yep. The police. The fucking POLICE.

And the place reeked of jenkem, but I was too lost in my own thought to realize it until the moment I opened the door.

"Are you u/SmokingCrack4Dummies?"

"Yes," I told him, wishing I had lied instead.

"We're investigating a call we got about this address. Someone said you're running a jenkem lab in here. Do you mind if I take a look around?"

He said it so nonchalantly and honestly, I was high as fuck. He smelled like noodles and half my brain was hallucinating a story about him being the UberEats delivery man. So I just told him "Yes."

The police officer smiled at me with his bushy moustache and stepped into my house. I immediately realized I had fucked up. All the lawyers tell you to never let a cop enter your home without a warrant, and yet I did so--albeit under the influence.

I wondered if being fucked up would invalidate my consent, like it would if an unconscious or mentally ill person were to be abused. Would the cop be guilty of abusing me in my intoxicated state to enter my home? Would that fly in court? 'Probably not,' I figured.

"Where do you keep the jenkem?" the officer was asking me suddenly. We were in my bathroom.

As if on autopilot, I opened my jenkem cabinet, which is where I keep my homebrews. I didn't they smelled bad enough for someone to call the police, but apparently they did.

Long story short, I went to prison for a month for manufacturing and possessing jenkem. Just got out and obviously I'm back to using jenkem. But I figured i would ask here since everyone says you guys are the experts... WTF do I do?

I can't afford a lawyer but I have court next month. ChatGPT says I'm facing up to 10 years in prison. Jenkem is a serious offense in my state. I'm thinking of traveling to a legal jenkem state like California and claiming asylum but idk. Help???

I've always been suboptimal when it comes to intake of breakfast. Anything else than corn flakes makes me sick. My ex said im a fenian. Anyway, mate of mine told to crush em and suck the shit up my nose. Felt super allright, like i had porridge for breakfast fir a couple months. Then this one dude showed ut up my arse and i came. Would you shower in ur asre mate . Ive lost my train of tought mate

Is there any other response as funny as this one? Or have we peaked as a species?

If you’re too afraid to use a needle you shouldn’t be using fent. There I said it