u/SmokingCrack4Dummies

So I live in a bad part of town in an American city. There's a lot of shooting and jenkem labs here. When I walk to take the train to work, I can smell the fermenting shit from the sidewalk. It's reeked here ever since I was a kid.

Anyway, like many of my friends, I too fell into jenkem, as well as research chemicals like crack and marijuana. Been addicted to what's called a "triple spliff" (weed/tobacco/jenkem) for the past year because I'm trying to take a T-Break from crack. I don't usually do jenkem daily.

So earlier today I was blazing up my triple spliff and playing Xbox when I got a knock on the door. Keep in mind, I'm an 85 year old man, and I'm only 13 years old. It takes me a while to get up from the couch and I'm not supposed to answer the door for strangers anyway, but I don't care what my parents tell me because I'm grown up enough to answer the door.

Guess who was on the other side? Yep. The police. The fucking POLICE.

And the place reeked of jenkem, but I was too lost in my own thought to realize it until the moment I opened the door.

"Are you u/SmokingCrack4Dummies?"

"Yes," I told him, wishing I had lied instead.

"We're investigating a call we got about this address. Someone said you're running a jenkem lab in here. Do you mind if I take a look around?"

He said it so nonchalantly and honestly, I was high as fuck. He smelled like noodles and half my brain was hallucinating a story about him being the UberEats delivery man. So I just told him "Yes."

The police officer smiled at me with his bushy moustache and stepped into my house. I immediately realized I had fucked up. All the lawyers tell you to never let a cop enter your home without a warrant, and yet I did so--albeit under the influence.

I wondered if being fucked up would invalidate my consent, like it would if an unconscious or mentally ill person were to be abused. Would the cop be guilty of abusing me in my intoxicated state to enter my home? Would that fly in court? 'Probably not,' I figured.

"Where do you keep the jenkem?" the officer was asking me suddenly. We were in my bathroom.

As if on autopilot, I opened my jenkem cabinet, which is where I keep my homebrews. I didn't they smelled bad enough for someone to call the police, but apparently they did.

Long story short, I went to prison for a month for manufacturing and possessing jenkem. Just got out and obviously I'm back to using jenkem. But I figured i would ask here since everyone says you guys are the experts... WTF do I do?

I can't afford a lawyer but I have court next month. ChatGPT says I'm facing up to 10 years in prison. Jenkem is a serious offense in my state. I'm thinking of traveling to a legal jenkem state like California and claiming asylum but idk. Help???

Wondering if anyone out there has been through anything like this.

My crack dealer Steve (who I've known since highschool) has recently started offering me sex when we do our business dealings. We always get high together when we hang but this time he got kinda horny.

"I'll give you a free gram if you let me suck you off," he said.

So I said sure. But I didn't cum. Because Steve is ugly (gross). Haven't bought crack from Steve since but I kind of want to go back bc he had really good prices.

Then last week I hit up my ketamine dealer, Darlene, a retired horse girl from Alabama. She is 400lbs (~181kg) EXACTLY and I know because she told me. Anyway I go over to her old horse breeding shack to buy some ketamine and she makes me an offer.

"I'll give you a free gram if you let me peg you," she said.

So I said sure. And I came. Because Darlene is a strong girl.

Yesterday I met up with my jenkem dealer whose legal name is Bob Marley (his parents were hippies but they died in a plane crash) and I told him about Steve and Darlene and he just laughed and passed me a lit 'triple spliff' (tobacco/weed/jenkem).

“Mi seh, bredda. Yuh nuh eva fuck di dealer.”

"Why not?," I asked him.

“Cause dem two deh got herpes, man. Yuh get mi? Herpes wid a big H. Like di kinda herpes weh kill mi cousin, but dat was ’cause she a Rastafari an’ dem nuh tek no medicine. Mad rassclaat.”

Anyway I get the jenkem and came home and now I'm sitting here feeling spiritual because I have the God of Jenk flowing through my veins and I'm just wondering... is it bad to have sex with your dealer for drugs? And has anyone here ever done something like that?

Thank you.