Those who reconciled- and whose WS had sex with you while engaged in affair-
What was their explanation for doing so? I’m currently processing this part and very triggered by the feeling that I was having non-consenting sex .
WH 1 month EA was a year ago. We are reconciling, and in 1:1 and marriage therapy for the last year. Our situation is complicated. We endured years of repeated hardship (countless deaths, a tragic illness, multiple shocking events like an active shooter situation). All on top of adjusting to parenthood and new jobs, running businesses, moving and COVID. There was just WAY too much stress and change so quickly.
I have compassion. It was hard for us both. We were not acting as a strong couple through many of these events. We didn’t ban together, we divided and conquered or tackled them separately. I struggled mentally through all those hardships. Husband pulled away instead of leaning in to support, or communicate his own struggles. Instead, he wanted sex. That’s what I heard. We weren’t “having enough sex”.
I didn’t want to have more sex. We weren’t connected. He was pulled away. It felt distant. I also didn’t really realize we were so disconnected because I grew up in an emotionally quiet household so it felt somewhat normal to me. I too don’t have the awareness or skills to navigate the growing divide.
We both contributed to marital breakdown with our skills gaps, and lack of awareness. The difference is that he channeled his into an external affair, blaming me and debating leaving during the affair.
It was such a trauma to me. It’s impacted our whole family. Our 11 yo daughter does not know but knows mom and dad “are fighting” and that things are still sometimes tense. I worry about the impact on her development as I cannot be for her all the time, consistently what she needs.
There’s no solution. Today I am just ANGRY about this.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far.