always lusted for, never loved
posted here not too long ago saying i rekindled with an ex from six years ago.
he was insistent on continuing to see me, the day after our date he was going to the gym - he invited me along so we went. we had a lot of fun and i ended up staying over at his house, we didn’t have sex, just cuddled and watched a movie before sleeping.
over the next few days he was basically hanging out with me all the time whenever we weren’t working, he was dropping me off to work and picking me up for us to hangout again. it was super nice until about a day or two ago.
we finally had sex. it went fine, i enjoyed myself and so did he, enough to warrant a few more times after the first. i stayed over and he dropped me to work the next day as usual. throughout the day though i noticed he was a lot more distant, i just asked him outright if he wasn’t feeling things anymore and he told me that he’s fine to keep sleeping together but doesn’t want a relationship with me.
it just felt like a punch to the gut, especially seeing as he was super open about talking about this getting serious for him and how he didn’t realise he had missed me when we weren’t talking for those six years.
it just feels super lame. i feel like such an object constantly. i either get led on with the idea of a relationship building for them to dip once they get what the want (their dick wet fml.) or at most i’m the girl they’ll makeout with at parties and while intoxicated they’ll tell me they’ve either never felt this way, or that they want to see me more outside of the party setting to just tell me it’s not what they’re after.
i’m so tired of only being lusted over. i’m truely convinced the problem is me and i just can’t ever be proper girlfriend material.
EDIT: thank all of you for your support and advice. i didn’t expect this post to gain so much traction but waking up and seeing people offer their own takes, their own experiences and just kind words is amazing. i can’t reply to every comment right now (screw having to get ready for work) but i see all of you. thank you all.