u/Shot_Classroom8807

Okay, I know this is going to be a long post. I just wanted to vent, but I also genuinely need advice on how to resolve this situation.

My husband and I met about a year ago. He is actually my brother-in-law’s brother, so I married my sister’s husband’s brother.

Initially, everything was good. However, later I found out that my husband had been in a relationship with a woman about six to eight years ago. She was older than him and from a different caste. Apparently, they were supposed to get married, but his brother opposed the marriage. At that point, my husband wasn’t earning and didn’t have a stable job, so the marriage never happened. Eventually, that woman got married and had a child.

One day, my husband randomly sent me an Instagram reel. When I opened it, I noticed that the account shown was that woman’s account. I became suspicious and discussed it with my family. His family confronted him, and he denied having any relationship or connection with her. He even swore on his mother that there was nothing between them.

There was another incident that made me uncomfortable. About 20 days before our wedding, my sister and my two sisters-in-law happened to meet this woman while shopping in the same building. My family never told me about this at the time because they knew I probably would have been uncomfortable with the coincidence.

After our marriage( we got married4 months ago), we went on our honeymoon. During that time, my husband received a message from a number that was basically just five dots: “.....”

I asked him who it was. He told me that it was not the woman I was thinking about and gave me an explanation about it being some kind of work-related protocol. Later, I found out that the message had actually come from this woman.

I also discovered that my husband had been involved in a business with her and her brother for around eight years. He told me that the business relationship was mainly with her and that she was the one who handled most of the decisions.

At that point, I felt completely betrayed because I had never expected him to hide something like this from me.

He also told me that they used to speak once or twice a month because of the business. My suspicions grew even more when, a few days after we returned from our honeymoon, the same number contacted him again. The message was deleted, and there were also a couple of calls.

When I found out, I became extremely angry, and we had a very serious argument that unfortunately became a little abusive on both sides. I know that was not healthy, and I don’t want our relationship to reach that point again.

In my anger, I also called the woman and used foul language toward her. I asked her why she was contacting my husband. My husband stopped the call.

The next morning, when I told him that she had also used abusive language toward me, he called her and spoke to her very respectfully. He told her not to speak to his wife that way and said that he didn’t need my character certificate from her, in a way that seemed to take my side, but felt very lighthearted to me.

I understand that he was trying to defend me, but honestly, I didn’t like the way he handled the situation because I felt that he was still being very respectful toward someone who had been contacting him and had also abused me.

Since then, I haven’t really had peace of mind.

I have also seen that she has called him from blocked numbers. Recently, while I was away from home, she called again. I found out because it showed as a blocked call.

I became upset and contacted her again, asking why she was calling him. She told me, “Ask your husband why he contacts me.”

I asked her to provide a screenshot if my husband had contacted her because, if he had, I wanted to know the truth. She refused to provide one.

Instead, she started saying things like, “Why are you so insecure?” and “Go and ask your mother-in-law who I am.” She also said something along the lines of, “This is the power I have—your husband contacts me.”

I asked her again for proof, but she refused.

I eventually told her very firmly to stay away from me and my husband; otherwise, I would contact her husband and tell him about everything I knew, including the fact that my husband had met her in 2024. I have seen photographs of them together, as well as many selfies of her from six to eight years ago.

Now I genuinely don’t know what to do.

What I want from my husband is actually very simple. I want him to take a clear stand and establish a firm boundary with her. I want him to tell her directly that she should not contact him anymore and to cut off any remaining business contact with her. He told me that he doesn’t do business with her anymore.

But whenever I bring this up, I feel like he either ignores it or tells me to stop talking about it and says that I’m only making the situation worse.

There is also something else that has been bothering me recently. Earlier, I was usually the one bringing this topic up because I wanted some kind of resolution. But lately, he has started bringing her up himself.

For example, he recently told me that she would never have married him anyway because he was from a lower caste and from a family with a weaker economic background. He said that she would never have considered marrying him for those reasons.

I don’t understand why he feels the need to bring this up now, especially when I’m already struggling with trust around this situation. Hearing him explain why she supposedly wouldn’t have married him does not reassure me. Instead, it makes me wonder why he is still thinking about or discussing the possibility of what could have happened between them.

There was another conversation that triggered me. I told him that if she was going to contact him, he should simply block her calls. He agreed that he would block her.

However, he then said, “What if I have to go there?”

She lives in a completely different state, and he mentioned the city where she lives. He then said that even if he had a work-related reason to go there, it would still become a problem for me.

I understand that his work may sometimes require him to travel. But the way this conversation came up made me uncomfortable. I started wondering why he was bringing up the possibility of going to the city where she lives at all.

I told him that if he ever had to go there, I would accompany him. He responded by asking how that would be possible if it were work-related.

I genuinely don’t know whether I am overthinking this because my trust has already been damaged, or whether these conversations are reasonable things for me to question. I don’t want to assume something without evidence, but I also don’t want to ignore things that are making me uncomfortable.

There is one more thing that may or may not be relevant. Although she currently lives in another state, her parental home is in the same city and area where my husband and I live, and I sometimes worry that she got that house or flat here through my husband’s connections or influence. I have absolutely no evidence that this is happening, so I know this may simply be my fear or overthinking, but I wanted to mention it for context.

This is where I’m struggling the most.

I sometimes feel like he has always taken her side instead of mine. I don’t know whether that’s actually happening or whether my own insecurity and loss of trust are making me perceive things that way.

He has always maintained that there is no connect between her and him now.

I also want to be fair and acknowledge something from my side. At one point, I spoke to a man from my past whom I was supposed to marry, but my family rejected that relationship. My husband found out about those calls and accused me of doing the same thing. However, I genuinely only spoke to that person as a friend, and there was nothing romantic going on.

So I understand why my husband may have felt hurt or suspicious too.

The biggest problem now is that we fight almost every day. There is very little peace in our marriage. He also frequently makes fun of my family, which makes things even more difficult.

I don’t want to keep living like this.

I don’t want to spend my marriage constantly checking phone calls, worrying about blocked numbers, wondering whether someone is contacting my husband, or fighting over the same woman again and again.

I want peace in my marriage. I want to trust my husband again, and I want him to trust me.

I also don’t know what to make of the woman’s behavior. She told me that she wouldn’t contact my husband, but I still don’t know what is actually going on between them or whether there is still some kind of connection.

So, what should I do from here?

How do I handle this situation without making it worse? How do I set healthy boundaries without becoming obsessed with monitoring everything? And most importantly, how do we rebuild the trust that has been damaged on both sides?

I know I’m asking for advice from people I don’t even know, but I genuinely don’t know how to deal with this anymore.

I don’t want revenge, and I don’t want more drama. I just want to restore peace in my marriage and figure out whether there is a healthy way for us to rebuild trust and move forward together.

EDIT: adding TLDR: I recently discovered that my husband had a long history with a woman he was once supposed to marry, including years of business involvement that he had not fully disclosed to me. She has contacted him multiple times since our marriage, including from blocked numbers, and some of the communication was initially denied or hidden. I have also reacted badly at times, including confronting her directly, and my husband and I now fight about this almost every day. I don't know whether there is anything romantic happening now, but the secrecy and conflicting explanations have seriously damaged my trust. I want to stop monitoring and fighting, establish healthy boundaries.