I've been clean for 42 days, i have never felt this empty before.
I feel so empty. I cant feel any proper thing. Only romantic validation from other people makes me feel something, and then i hurt them because i only want the feeling. I dont wanna text anyone, i have been ignoring my online friends for some reason. I dont want any preassure. I just wanna feel validation.
Nothing else makes me feel something, nothing makes me happy like they've did before. I feel completely drained.
I dont wanna start cutting again. The only reason i stopped is because i ruined my arms and didnt had any other spot that is easy to hide. Atleast i've felt something while cutting. I felt the comforting depression. I cant even feel that now.
My memories are getting blurry, i cant even remember what i ate that day. Its like my brain is slowly shutting off. I just zone out and live like a house plant that doesnt feel anything. I wanna live, i wanna feel. I want to be awake again.