Never good enough
I just need to yell into the void. Not looking for advice, but wouldn't say no to some peer support.
It's the last year of my PhD, and I just want to hide, stop and burn my thesis.
I feel dumb. Constantly.
I am just ashamed of everything I do.
I try so hard, and still there are always mistakes.
I am surrounded by intelligent people, and I feel like I'm the only muppet in a movie otherwise full of Hollywood stars.
I don't want to talk about this with my colleagues or supervisors because I know it will come off as needy or me fishing for sympathy and praise, but I genuinely question whether I am cut out for this. And I am terrified that people around me also think so. I've published three articles, and I feel ashamed of all of them.
I am exhausted. My kid isn't sleeping and therefore I'm not sleeping, just a while ago I was sick for five weeks with a daycare plague turned into pneumonia, and one professor made a nasty comment about me being away too much.
This feels like a game I lost three rounds ago.