Am I okay?
Pretty weird topic, but hear me out.
You know that one kid that excels at everything and doesnt bring any effort? Yeah, thats me... sadly.
Ive noticed how much envy my "friends" have towards me, and although i act like I dont care, It gets really frustrating before I go to bed. You know I always wondered how i succeeded in everything, except social life. The thing about it, is that no matter what personality i choose, it always gets weirder. Yall ever felt alone in a room full of people? Or, have you ever noticed that the person ur talking to isnt actually listening to you?
You know it gets really overwhelming when ur brain runs at 200mph, but ive just come to realize how distant I am.
This is really affecting me, because when I feel lonely all I do is zone out and play videogames. And, I know this only makes matters worse.
Im planning on going back to gym and basketball, but im wondering if yall ever felt this kind of detachment? Feeling like you're not living your life but rather just a distant spectator that views things differently?
I find it hard how I can predict things, notice things, understand things that im not supposed to. And somehow, they're all unpleasant.
Ive noticed how my classmates begin to shift away from me, and ive been neglecting it for so much until i realized how much of a plan Z i am, i couldnt find the 28th letter or else i wouldve went even further.
Thing is, theres nothing too concerning about me, I match energy easily and i feel like i can talk in ANY TOPIC. But still, I feel like my collegues branch out like a tree when they decide to go out somewhere and that tree never really reaches me or im some far away vertex that either gets reached by accident or connects on its own.
And thats why i havent been there, anymore. Like i didnt go out with them in the past 4 gatherings, and no one was concerned about it, i never receive any "where were you" or "come with us next time".
Im afraid i would say too much, and im getting really exhausted both mentally and physically.
Its never really IF im gonna surpass this, its the feeling where you want things to go worse to prove u need help, but you cant because thats how life is and you have this "always up" mentality.
Does anybody relate? Or is it just me?