AIBTS for feeling left out of my husband's family?
Hi everyone! I(39F) am married to (fake name) Evan(39M). We are both paid musicians. It is a second source of income on top of our full time jobs.
Evan plays Lead guitar in his band. I play solo shows with my acoustic guitar, and I sing.
Evan and I have been married for 2 years, and together for almost 5 years. During our entire relationship, I have developed a bond with his mother and grandma. They are both incredibly sweet women.
As I got better at music, I started getting quite a bit of gigs, especially this year. About a month and a half ago, I managed to land a gig in one of the best venues downtown. I was nervous, excited, and just in shock that they would even consider hiring me.
Throughout the past 5 years, Evan's grandma and mom made every effort they could to be at as many of Evan's shows as they could. They constantly brag about him on social media, share videos of his performances, and always praise him. I think this is wonderful! I love to see families supporting each other like this. I tell him constantly to make more of an effort to see his family more, because I know how much they love him, and how happy it would make them if he went over to see them more often. Especially his grandma, who is elderly, and has health issues. It really, truly makes my heart happy to see him loved so much.
The reason I push him to be more involved with his family, is because I don't have one. I was shunned at the age of 17 years old for leaving the Jehovah's witness religion. I lost everyone. So when he puts off seeing his family, or complains about spending time with them, it breaks my heart. I tell him that one day they won't be here, and he will grieve the time he lost, and could have had with them.
Since I have had such great gigs this year, I thought that maybe his grandma would come see my show. I told her about it, and how excited I was. I posted the event as well. When the night of my show came, no one showed up. My husband had to work, so I wasn't going to hold that against him. We need money. I was however, heartbroken that his grandma never showed up.
Since then, numerous videos of my performances from multiple shows have been posted. Not a single word was said by his family. No shares, likes, or even private messages, telling me that they were happy for me, or that I did a good job. I felt hurt. I felt left out. I thought.... Maybe I just suck? But then I realized, I don't suck. I made tons of tips that night, and the crowd cheered loudly. I appreciate the cheers and whistles.... However, the only people I care about are my inlaws. I adore them, and what they think and say means a lot to me.
So... Am I being too sensitive? Am I having too high of expectations? Should I expect them to show up? Or am I expecting too much from someone who isn't really my family?